Monday Memoir, Feb 10, 1967

 Now for a week, all at NAU, that was mostly "fun"  (a term I rarely use as I do not identify with it or really understand what it means) but I guess it kind of fits. Several pleasant and enjoyable events occurred and I was not unhappy much if any!

I went back to Clarkdale on the 10th and ended up not writing until I returned on Monday the 13th so I will just go back and reconstruct this week to that point--from February 4 &5 on. I share my comments on the 4th, a rather down day for me. 

Feb 4, 1967

Well, the snow sculptures asre melting. Ray and his Forestry Club won sweepstakes. I think the Iwo Jima was theirs Mary and I had gone to the movie the night before and then watched the snow sculpture work. I got $5.00 from Mama Witt (maternal grandma) and spent it on film and food.Today I've read two Zane Grey books and fretted over a deep longing for my distant darling. Sometimes I miss him so much. I spent two and a half hours at the  Depot Park and numbered nine trains. It was a busy afternoon on the rails.  I just finished my supper--mushroom soup. I've had a cup of coffee, two boxes of Apple Jacks, some cookies and crackers, an orange, two apples and the soup to eat today. I may go get a Coke for desert. I' thirsty and tired. It all seems so unreal. Sometimes I could just go get that $200 'safe fund' and buy a ticket to hell and go and go. I'm in that spell--a bad phase of my monthly cycle when I feel like heck and get the glooms for sure.

Then it was Sunday the 5th,. That day turned out all right. I never know what to expect. I got up late, had box cereal breakfast and tidied the room after Mary left. (she worked in one cafeteria) and then was off to church. Then I set out on a walk, needing to get the prior day's depression out of my system. The miles slid by, five of them out east to "outfit alley" where nothing was then parked, numbered a lot more trains and and got as weary as I needed until my fretful thoughts became just sweet hazy dreams. Finally started back to campus. A little blue VW passed me. I turned and saw the license plate and 700 hit my eyes...I puzzled a moment and then hurried back, got tidied up and waited for the call I hoped would come. It came quicker than I expected, about 4:30.  After I identified  myself to the operator: "Hello. What are you doing now?" "Talking to you on the phone." "How about going out to dinner?"

In a short while I was out to slip into Bluebird. Dusty was all dressed up and his eyes smiled at me as we pulled away. He's been in Flag most of the weekend--no wonder I was so restless. Turned out that Peggy and her boyfriend just got engaged and the two sets of parents apparently felt a  need to meet. I assume Mrs Watt came up there too.  I don't know how that went, but okay I guess. Anyway that was why, so we went to the Afton House and enjoyed our first real dinner together. Afterwards there was still plenty of time to go for a drive. We had a fine long time to snuggle and talk, starting to make some tentative plans and believe there could be a future. I was back to the dorm at the proper time and then relived it all, 100 times over--almost as special. He told me it was my Valentine's gift. Funny how Dusty always says I am little --which seems odd as I do not think of myself as small. Slim but not little! Perhaps the semi-ex is stocky or even fat?  On the other side, Jim always says how tall I am--but he is 6'2" or so and Dusty about 5'10" Shakes head here!

Monday was the inevitable let-down but I edged back into 'real life' (or was it?) and tried to settle into studies. I told myself I could not afford to fail out now--for me that would be dropping far under my 1.5 goal since I now knew I *could* do that. The rest of the week went on, rather ordinary, not at all bad but nothing worth relating. By Thursday I said I was kind of anxious to go down to the valley. It will be a sort of relief for two days--hopefully not long enough for much conflict. And Friday I had the first tests of the new session on and they seemed to go well enough.  The Boss arrived and I went back to Clarkdale. 

Pictures: Some of the snow sculptures. They were mostly well done and very cool! I think the 1st was the Foresters. Sorry I did not credit the creators in any notes etc. By the next year I guess I did not take any photos. By then things had already changed quite a lot.

Memoir Monday, Feb 3, 1967

Thus week I was sliding back into the routine,  adjusting to a couple of different classes, a new roommate and 'home' being a different room. Although Dad and Charlie Mike came up Thursday I elected not to go back to Clarkdale so ended up spending the weekend in Flagstaff. I did not regret it as I had 'enjoyed' enough time at the old home for awhile. As it was, I did not write a specific entry for Friday, Feb 3. 

That being the case, I will just go back and pick up the week from Saturday, January 28. It is all so exciting--not!  I spent both days outside as much as I could watching the rail and walking through the mud left by the latest  snow melting. Crazy waste of time, I chided myself but I needed the  relaxing time before the grind started again. I cleaned up the room and rearranged the closet some--it was a big walk-in size stuck under part of the stairs to the second floor. After coming back from my hike, I went to Yiya's with Evelyn for coffee.  Showered then and after dinner went to the movie with Evelyn and Mary.  It was  The Cincinnati Kid  with Steve McQueen. I really am not imagining his resemblance to Dusty, even many mannerisms are right down the line. That just made me even more anxious to see my dear one again. 

Then classes again on Monday, Jan 30. Some old and some new. I was glad to go on with Dr McFarlane for History and Mr Gardener in Accounting. I was taking a different science class now, biology,  and a humanities general ed called Man and the Arts. I was impressed with Mr Derifield in the former. He was a very good lecturer and just an neat person. Genetics was his big thing; I think he had a differently-abled child with an inherited problem. .In the other, I  met Dr Smallwood who I got to know much more when I worked in the Humanities Office, three years later. I did NOT like him in either case! I also got my second check and paid off all the other expenses with a little left over.

January slid into February and I was back on track.  I thought I would like Man and The Arts--but again, maybe my ideas were not in sync with what the prof was trying to show or develop for us.  I was perhaps not ignorant enough or  thought myself more erudite that I was! I had grown up with some knowledge of music and other arty stuff, but it was the Morgan version. I bemoaned not hearing from Dusty but got two letters from Jim. I said " He's his usual sassy and insouciant self yet somehow wistful under it all." Looking back I think he was lonely and perhaps not altogether happy with where and what he was although I know he liked teaching. Maybe he really was gay; I'll never know.  Unloading my camera,I dropped and of course fogged a roll of film  was removing; mad at myself though it was not critical photos.

Feb 2, Thursday,  I had just two classes so cleaned the room, did a little washing and answered Jim's letter. Right after lunch I had "a caller in the lobby' which turned out to be Charlie Mike. (Did Dad ever deign to enter that edifice?)  I signed a paper at the bank for them. I was scared or worried at first but no need; with m new excellent grades I was "in good" for the moment. I went to the library with them and dug up a couple more legal books and talked awhile. Finally back to the dorm at 4:30, relieved not to be going back to the valley! Instead I would stay the weekend and enjoy the Snow Carnival with Mary. The foresters were doing their sculpture just outside the door at the west end of our hallway. Mary did not know about Dusty. In retropspect I expect she would have  been okay with it but I held my secret most of the time. So she kidded me about the one forestry guy who was rather cute, the one I mentioned before. She thought he was cute too but I think younger than both of us. I was then nearing 24 and I think Mary was too. I think he might have been 21! 

And as I said, I did not write on Friday but alluded to it a bit over the weekend to be covered next time.. 

Pictures First a view from the 3rd floor of Liberal Arts on a snowy day. Next me at the snow carnival taken by Mary as I took hers shown two weeks ago and finally a  match-up of Steve M and Dusty. Was I imagining a likeness? 

Memoir Monday, Jan 27, 1966

 January 27, 1966 found me back on Campus, having returned the day before. It was a short time before the 2nd semester when classes resumed. Admin things had to be done in this brief period.

Jan 27, 1967

Today I spent money, shame on me, but it was fun. I got a transistor radio, four pairs of pants (slacks/jeans), some pens, tape,  a Bert Kaemphert record and some chow. I blew close to $25 but I got several things I'd needed/wanted  for quite awhile. The radio is really neat. It cost $14.00 but I think it is worth it. I washed and ironed, wished that Dusty would call and stayed up fairly late. The break 'vacation' both in Clarkdale and then Flag  flew by... 

So  back to the interim while I was down 'home' again. It really wasn't home anymore but then in most ways I did not have a real home for quite awhile, maybe excepting the hours in Dusty's arms. Saturday I had to be at Dr. Joe P's for a filing at 9:00. It was not too bad but I did and do have a phobia about dental work--there has been a lot of pain over the years. Back home, Charlie Mike and I rode, had a nice visit with Earl and saw the local in with  GP9s 151 and 735 bringing some box cars and a gondola with a cement mixer for work on Bridge 22.5. (This was not Bitter Creek so maybe the last one to the south?) As Charlie Mike said, " It doesn't seem like B&B6 over there, somehow," so it was really not hard to appear to have little interest in it.  He knew I was seeing Dusty and I think he may have visited him a time or two as well. But how my and even our world  had changed in way less than a year.. "Boy, I am tired now," I said. "Yesterday was a rather wild one and I've been busy all day here." 

I hoped to get some sewing done but had no great expectations. There was always  "stuff" to do. I was cutting\up a lavender skirt--maybe Goodwill buy--to try to make a pair of pants. The fabric was sheer so they would have to be lined. I think I did manage to do it, but they did not turn out as I  hoped and were soon trashed.Not all my designs or inventions went as I wished! It was funny, at least to me, that the folks seemed not to notice my new hair color nor those glasses  but Charlie Mike and Alex did say I looked different in the new glasses. They were kind of "eye-catching", I suppose, all sparkle and glitter. No other comments on them though. 

I did get some stitching done by the evening of the 25th and noted I got my period and was back on my normal 24-25 day schedule and not too miserable. I do not think I attended, but there was a hearing on some of the Boss's efforts and it supposedly went well under a new judge who was 'friendly' to our cause. (really--ever?  Just until s/he learned a bit more!)  Knowing I had to get up early to go back,  I whined about catching a cold as I  had almost expected I would, but I still wanted to slip out after bedtime to go pay a call to B&B6 but I didn't; it was too risky. I was sure I'd hear from Dusty before long, anyway. 

Then it was January 26, a Thursday. We were up and off at an early hour, leaving about 7:45. The highway was not bad and we were in flag by 9:00.  I piled my junk in the room, checked my mail and went to register with Fran. I got thru pretty easy and lined my classes up just as I wanted them. I got one of my two checks after lunch,which was  a can of Sego (a "Slimfast" of that time) and paid housing and tuition out of that with $46 left over.. Next I went to get my grades and was in for a surprise and thrill--four lovely Ones and a single Two!! A 1.2 average was beyond my wildest expectations. Walked to town with Mary and bought some stamps. Then I wrote the folks and sent then $20. Now I will not feel guilty about spending the rest! I  got credit on my meal ticket and after eating,  Mary and I went to watch try-outs for a play but came back  soon and went to bed.  I talked briefly with Evelyn, another dorm mate, and learned she had gotten a 1+ on a little book she made for a special project.  Not a class we shared that I recall. Then I was ready to sleep in the "upper berth" in our stacked bunk beds with my little donkey, who I'd named Chatito.

Pictures: This first shot was much later but shows a bit of the bunks Mary and I shared. Mine was the top.The next is just outside the door at the end of the hall our room was in which faced west. This was a couple of weeks later after there had been a substantial snowfall. And finally a view out our window in between the snows.  I think that dupes last week--oh well. In good weather the grassy area was nice and there was also grass in the center of the quad which was a sort of courtyard. It was sheltered  and private so favored by sunbathers in the warmer times.

Memoir Monday, Jan 20, 1967

The days and weeks kept spinning by. Now it was suddenly time to head back to the valley for the break between semesters. Had I actually done 1/8 of my college time already? (At that time I had no idea of going on for an MA but that finally only took a wee bit longer.) So ready, set...

Jan 20, 1967

Carol and I slept in until 7:30. I saw Mary (Locklear (nee Davenport--next roommate) in the cafeteria and she said she would be over. So we dispossessed Sue and Stella from #109. I helped Stella move all her junk and she got over being peeved some. Then after that I cleaned both rooms--my old one and the new one (which was left in a disgusting mess!) and then moved all my stuff up, hung new curtains and such. Then I went to lunch and helped Mary move her stuff over from Stroud. We both had a 3:00 test--mine in History and it wasn't hard. Finally I went over to the library to see the Boss, got Presser on Torts for him, went back up to eat dinner, bid Carol adieu and was homeward--or Clarkdale--bound. This time it was for the semester break. I'd be  returning on the 26th with classes to resume soon afterwards.

Presser on Torts was a legal treatise which as a pre-law student I had every right or reason to check out. I did let dad use it for a couple of weeks to 'research' some of his mad projects. I was thinking of the old saying that a doctor who diagnoses and treats himself has a fool for both a physician and a patient. Much the same for wanna-be- self-lawyers. And of course it never worked too well. Sigh. 

Stella and Sue were not my friends but had the room just off the lobby down the west hall. They had been tapped for the Tri Delta sorority and were moving so I ended up grabbing that room to share with my next roommate. They left the place disgusting, like dirty underwear in the closet so Mary and I later called them 'the pigpen sisters' and I said if that is what the Tri Delts want, they are welcome to them!  Stroud Hall was a converted motel out on the highway that had been rented by the University for a women's dorm while some more were under construction. NAU was starting to grow about that time!

So now back to pick up on the 14th, a weekend spent on campus. Saturday the 14th I walked and walked  and wore myself out. It was just a restless day. In the evening Carol went out so I had the room to myself. I played records and read all of Dusty's letters, which of course I had saved.  I had not read them for a long time nor gotten any lately--at this time he just called or we met up. (They were a treasure then and I still have every last one--after 58 years!) The next day was much the same but not alone in the evening. 

Then came Monday the 16th, the last day of regular classes before finals. My legs ached from the weekend of walking--probably went at least 20 miles! I chided myself that evening for not studying but I said I was not worried about English and would look at Accounting shortly. I did some.   By Wednesday  Jan 18, finals were three down and two more to go. I rather felt I had shot it all to hell the previous day, (I think Accounting and Philosophy)  but maybe had not done that bad, thinking back over it. Thursday I had to get up at 7:00 but did not really mind. Actually I prefer to get up early. The sunrise was glorious, I noted.  The science test was long but not too terrible. I thought I made about 90% on the matching and 80% on the essay--maybe enough for a 1. Mr Jones of Philosophy said 'hi' to me in the cafeteria at lunch. Surprise? I wasn't sure he even knew I was a student!  A 2 there would be very helpful and I will hope since I'd finally got into that subject a bit better. History was the last one, on Friday.

 I am dying to know my average but will have to wait at least a week. That afternoon I really wanted to be out--anywhere, just out. I needed to start to unwind. Thinking how 1/8 of my college career was already done--maybe more than that if all did not go well--and then made myself try to think positive. No, I will see it through to the end. I shall!! I laughed at myself, as I wore items from my "three hot love scenes" for luck and hoped that helped on my final tests.   Then it was Friday again and a stop-and-start point of sorts.  With the winter break still fresh in mind, I was not sure what I might expect or experience before returning on the 26th for registration and other admin stuff. 

Photos? Another grab bag, really. First is the view from my new room with Mary, looking across at the wing where my first Campbell Hall room was to be!(last week picture) Next is a little stuffed donkey I bought about this time, frivolous but it was so cute. (Still have but very dilapidated now). This last photo was a few weeks later but is the only one I have of Mary Davenport (then using Lockyear prior to divorce finalized) during this era though got several others later. We were a good match and stayed friends for a long time. I have finally lost track of her and she may even no longer be on earth which is sad. Cannot find her in searching anyway. 

  

Memoir Monday, Jan 13, 1967

 Another Friday with a bit of busy-ness in between since the last one. This time I was not going down to the valley. Gradually I tried to cut back on that from every other week to every third or even longer.  It mostly worked better for me that way. There was little I could contribute to the  'situation' down there anyway, plus it helped me maintain sanity!

Jan 13, 1967

It was a lovely day for  Friday the 13th. I walked miles and spent some money and and got some RR car numbers after a long absence from such. I got my new glasses too--I am not sure I like them but all the girls do. They cost me $7.18, not bad, really. And they are paid for anyway. In the evening Carol and I went to the movie uptown especially to see The Appaloosa with Marlon Brando. It was really good but awfully different from the book. The other western was just so-so. Tomorrow I'll rail watch  I guess. We saw ATSF Train #2 westbound  (The Grand Canyon) on our way home. I'd like to be aboard,  (Dusty had often used it to go back to Kingman weekends but I do not think he did that night) but don't know where I'd go.  I'm tired now, dead weary and worn from my "forced gaiety" and running around all day.

The new glasses mentioned I think were the "pawn shop window" jeweled cat-eye style that I began to regret almost at once--too sparkly and too extreme, really not my style. A kind of  rebellion I guess. I think I broke them, very accidentally, and went to a more conservative style before long.  As for "forced gaiety," it was always a let-down after being with Dusty, which in many ways was a third life wedged in between the other two. It did hurt that I could not make us a much larger part of my overall lives than it was. I still had great hopes and always felt so very right being together but how could we make it work out? So I sometimes had to make myself act happy and involve myself in some "college life" to compensate which was often still a bit strange, alien and not-quite real.

So back to pick up the 7th

Saturday I had my stitches out in Dr Pecharich's.(Dental office in Cottonwood). I can't remember what they were for--maybe minor oral surgery with a wisdom tooth?  He assured me he would readily help me if I needed anything at school and encouraged me to go ahead and go to summer school. He was a good friend to all of us.  Charlie Mike and I rode, saw Earl heading out and gave him a wave and a wahoo.  The landscape looks better around there now!  Sunday we went up on Mingus to get fire wood. It was cold but a pretty day. I enjoyed it although we got back late and had to rush through unloading, chores and a fast supper. I barely made the bus and was tired enough to be half asleep all the way up the hill. For the time being I am "good people" again. Often so confusing!  The Boss gave me $3.00 (wow!)-- bus fare plus, that was. And I kissed him in front of the ear on my way out. 

Monday the 9th was an ordinary day  of classes. I ran up to Safeway after the last one and got a bag of cookies, some soap and Clairol "Light Red Blonde"; that was kind of an impulse. It ended up being the reddest  hair I ever sported! I liked it but wondered how Dusty especially would react. I was wrapping up my evening study about 10:30 when I had a phone call. Yes, it was Dusty and I soon had a date for 7:00 Tuesday evening.  That day seemed very long  but my future roommate came by about 5:00 and we talked. I'm sure we will get along. At 7:00 I signed out "to the library" and went to look for the Little Bluebird.  He was not much late. I slipped in and we drove. Out east this time but ended up parked right beside the tracks again. The initial slight strangeness and adjustment of the fall was past now and it was so good to be together with enough time to snuggle and talk. It felt so natural and so right, perfectly comfortable and connected. He was talking about Shorty telling him I wasn't around anymore. We had to laugh. I never felt Shorty, a long-term gang member, disapproved of me or our relationship. He was a funny little guy but nice.

Wednesday was a very pretty day, almost feeling like spring but just a false hint at that time. I walked to town after class, got some jewelry at Goodwill and read confession mags at the market next door, still thinking about writing for them.  Rodeo club after supper--it is such a mess I almost regret being in it. To even the balance, I had to hear from Sir Jim the next day. I didn't think it should matter but it did, enough that I answered right away. Am I a fickle floozy? No, not really. But he was a friend and a useful one at that. No, it was not and would never be even a temporary 'fix' of romance and I always knew that. We would never be more than platonic though truly friends and I knew I  needed all the friends I could connect with. He was a kind of support system through the spring and into the summer in some difficult times,

Pictures?  Odds and ends at this point and only slightly relevant. First: although this was years earlier, it is a view of the "mining claim" area up on Mingus where we cut lots of wood, first for corrals etc and then for firewood. The Mingus Fire of 1956 had left lots of dead trees standing. Next is a view out a window in North Quad; this was actually from my first room in Campbell the next fall,  but the room I moved to in January with the new roommate is directly across--the window farthest to the right in the photo. Snow was a common sight as were icicles! Finally a beginning try at the 'photoshop' I created of Dusty and me together; this early one was rough and I did it sepia tone to make it look old! The final version was better and the only way I could have a picture to remember us together. I always wished I had Charlie Mike take one or two. Just did not think of it then.