Time to travel back again, many years, many miles... Mom's birthday had been the previous day, probably passed rather quietly but I may have made a cake (chocolate, her fave) or cooked dinner for her. Still, life soon went on in its normal routine way. We were not doing large celebrations and generally had not for a long time.
Feb 20, 1965 Sat
I got right up and did my work like a good girl. Mom, Charlie Mike and I drove out after a biscuit breakfast. I saddled Annie up and got the mail. Only a letter from Laura for me. Dusty, how could you? I rode over to Cottonwood. Read in the waiting room. Dr Joe P got a large charge out of my gun. I went home via the pasture and let the mares out. When I got home, I ate lunch and then watered everyone good. Took about an hour off and loafed in the ‘spring fever’ sun. It sure felt good. I rode Annie out and led Buzz along for exercise. Dusty has been on my mind all day. I’m wondering where he is and all. I’m wondering why he hasn’t written. I have had the feeling the last two days that very soon my life is going to be changed drastically. I don’t know how, when or why but I have that feeling. Spent the evening playing records and writing to Judy--17 pages, no less. Now it is getting up toward 11:00. Got to haul hay tomorrow and what all else I don’t know. Plenty, doubtless. Well, I don’t care. No mail for two days now. Why did I ever get myself into this? I’m the world’s biggest fool but here I am. And I wouldn’t change for the world. Guess I am really a trollop at heart not to be ashamed or sorry. So be it. G’night all. Dream of me, Dusty mine, and I will dream of you.
Mentioning biscuits for breakfast. I often made them--usually drop biscuits as I really did not like rolling out and cutting. Lazy me! I always called them "porcupine biscuits" but that may have been coined by Charlie Mike or Alex. With honey or jam they were a small treat.
Dental problems were frequent. I probably had a toothache again and needed a fillng or even a tooth pulled. Dr Joe Pecharich was a family friend and did a lot of care for us pro bono. He was a kind man but big and seemed heavy handed to me, not gentle, and I probably left fingerprints in the arms of that chair many times, trying not to wail or scream. But he was generous with pain pills for me. Milder early opiates or substitutes I think. I carried my sidearm most of the time when I was riding which was nearly daily and often included a trek to Cottonwood. I wore that old .32 right into the dental office and Dr Joe thought that was both funny and cool.
Yes I had begun to think or feel my life would change sooner rather than later; that was only partly true. But events by late summer actually saw or caused some wheels to begin to turn although the final result was still more than a year away. I still set myself some deadlines to leave etc. that I never met or followed up on them. Still, a range of people and events began to break the inertia.
The weather must have been then like it was here yesterday. Those first spring-feeling days were always so welcome and such a blessing. The gray, dull, cold, windy or wet ones seemed to be prevalent and always a burden and a downer. With the work that had to be done regardless, they were at times pretty grim, bleak and hard.
Judy, and to some degree my other long-term pen pal, Linda, and I exchanged many very long letters. We joked about "Crime and Punishment" letters: a crime to write and a penalty to read. But they were not, really. That sharing meant a lot to us. For various reasons, we were all often lonely and feeling we somehow did not fit in or were not where we really belonged.
It is hard to find photos for this period, really. I did take a lot when I was out riding and today am glad I did. That area has changed so much and in time I left it to go into a very different life and now, despite the anguish and struggles, I feel a lot of nostalgia. There were many good hours, even some good days. SO: 1. Looking across the old TAPCO power plant and Coons' ranch. 2. From the hills east of the highway, looking up the river. 3. From beside the Clark Memorial Bldg looking across Bitter Creek at rail yard and old smelter --last stack still standing. 4. From the hills west of highway, view of lower Clarkdale. I am shocked whenever I go back how different it all looks. So '64-'66 for these; how long it has been!
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