Monday Memoir, May 27, 1966

May had been mostly mild, only a few issues which occurred on dates I did not cover. They may pop up in June which will otherwise be skimpy for reasons to be explained later. Sometimes lack of clairvoyance or foreknowledge is a blessing...

May 27, 1966, Friday

Maybe next Friday I can see somebody off.  Got up and fed etc. Really had the glooms hanging over me and couldn’t shake them. If I aren’t a pie-headed mess. When we got back from the pasture I got the mail on Leo and we shod him in front. It was a lengthy task. He was a good boy about it all but it was still a job. Finally got that done. Alex is out of school now and promoted to 2nd grade. Gee thrill. I rested awhile until Charlie Mike came. We then went on a short hike and found some ’45 and ‘51 date nails which were new to his collection. I saddled Buzzie and led the new fillies briefly. Chief was apparently sick so I  had to pony him out with Leo. Mom and Charlie Mike did the pasture chores and made a mess of it. Well, hell if I care. Finally put Chief away just before a late supper. As I rode over by the outfit track, it still kind of shakes me up to see where 'Spinner parked, 193680 sat etc. It seems rather unreal at times now, like I just invented it all for a good day dream. I could lose myself in a private world all too easily. That would never do, though.  Charlie Mike has about got him a girlfriend, I think Helen Jenson really likes him. He still can’t forget Twyla though. She’s a cat, I’m sure, but a Santa Fe girl cat. I’m an SF girl too; I’m C...W...'s girl… Wonder if they’ll come in next week? I might get a letter tomorrow but won’t expect one. I’ll not write for awhile now ‘til I see if they come. I’m scared to hope too hard. I’ve lost too much, too often... 

I was destined to be disappointed yet again for at least awhile more, actually for the rest of this long hard summer. As I share it,  I will try not to be maudlin, self-pitying and pathetic, or too obviously angry though all such emotions were part of it. These weeks were the final payments on my ransom, I think. Nothing worthwhile comes easy or even cheap. If it does, we do not value it enough.

Date nails? Although they have not been used for a long time, railroad ties once had a special short nail set in them with a number on the head which showed when it left the factory. They became a common collectible for rail fans. Charlie's old board still hangs in the great room. I may snap a photo.  I still have a 23 and a 43 saved away with souvenirs somewhere. 

We should have been fully over the colic and other illnesses but apparently Chief had a slight relapse. In typical manner, I kept him up and going until the distress passed.  It didn't matter where we went as I led him so a circle of lower town was one route. That went by the tracks and the depot. B&B 6 had been gone over two months now; no wonder it began to feel imaginary or like a dream. The present was so uninspiring I did tend to day dream, probably too much. 

I dimly recall Helen Jenson as a neighborhood girl about 8th grade age who seemed to get a crush on Charlie. He really was not very interested. And he did still remember and occasionally communicate with Twyla Andreski, his red-headed eighth grade girlfriend. He was  a freshman the 65-66 school year. 

We had heard a rumor B&B 6 would be coming back to Clarkdale by summer and I wanted so much to believe, to hope. Expectations proved fruitless as that never happened. I did not give up for awhile.  I had to have something, unreal or not, too look forward to. Soon there was little enough. June, July and August 1966 could be described as trying times...

A few photos: First: Probably not the one but similar to the bunk car Twyla's family occupied. Second a piece of equipment similar to the crane Twyla's father operated. Third the spur track where B&B 6 parked, empty after they were gone.  And last, Charlie's date nail board currently hung in our house. 

 

Monday Memoir, May 20 , 1966

A day with no serious issues, trauma or disruptions. Thankful for that reprieve! It was on the edge of more major issues but I'd take what hours of relative peace I could get. Why the parents went to Flagstaff and Camp Verde I do not remember. Left alone, I did my normal stuff, breaking at midday to fix lunch for Alex. I think he was in 2rd grade by this time. He had just turned seven. 

May 20, 1966 Friday

Got up a bit early and got the chores done. Mom and the Boss were off for Flag and Camp Verde soon after the boys left for school. I watered and saddled and was off soon myself. No mail for me so I picked up Chief and headed down the River Road.  My can was upside down in the stump…and there was a note. Just when it was left I don’t know. On the 8^th or later as that was the last time I checked. I was delighted but puzzled. “Was here. Where were you? I’ll be looking for you.”  No legible date. “I was here” is one of my favorite sentences. I also led and ponied and  got done just in time to fix Alex’s lunch. I made two different kinds of cookies, cut out my PJs and did the dishes. It rained fairly hard from 1:30 to 2:30. I loafed awhile listening to the radio and then the folks were home. We talked awhile and then had to do up the PM chores. After supper I read a bit and found a Western Horseman the Boss wanted. Then leaned on my window ledge in the dark watching the lightning flare and wished someone was close, very close. But in  two weeks perhaps he will be. I hope this isn’t like last summer in the waiting bit. That is trying on the nerves. But I can endure for two weeks--almost anything. If only he’d write but I have proof he was looking anyway. That helps a lot.

My narrative here is a bit disjointed and light on details. Did we drive out to the pasture or was I taking Chief to check some mares? I hardly think I would have done that alone. So I am guessing that was the first task on my list after morning feeding etc.  The horse needed exercise and I did want to check the message can...  Don't even say who I was riding that day. 

The old cottonwood stump was at the end of the River Road, on the edge of the drop off into the riverbed, at least at that time. It had been a big tree with a number of branches that had been sawed off with 12-18 inches left.. It was now about waist high and had a big hollow area, partly hidden under one or more of those abbreviated branches. We used a hidden  Prince Albert can and at times a smaller coffee can for a message box from summer 1965 on.  I have no photos of it but some of the nearby location. It is hard now to realize how difficult communication could be then. No internet or cell phones, no search sites or even smoke signals. It was often by guess and by gosh to try to connect. Finding that note, I had no idea when Dusty had been there and could have cried that we missed each other but it also gave me hope. 

It was nearly a vacation for me to be "unsupervised"all day (not that I did not work independently on most of my tasks) and go about my business with no interruptions for a 'talk' or a change of plans that often made no sense to me at all.  Then some time indoors to do small tasks and .even relax. I did take a siesta many days but a nap in the hot house was not always very restful. You awoke sweaty and sticky, possibly rested but still tired. 

Watching lightning, inside or out was something I always enjoyed, Of course best when it was distant, even too far to hear the thunder. Imagining sitting together in a car or some sheltered spot and watching with Dusty--what a pleasant day dream. I guess it is good I did not yet know rumors of B&B 6 coming back that summer to Clarkdale were not true or how my wait would extend for many more weeks. That would have been hard to bear even before it happened. Day by day, I lived through it. 

Here are stage setting photos, more or less. First the view down across to the east side of the river from hills on the west side, then vacant and untouched,. Next Moonspinner at the end of the River Road, and then Dusty on Prez the same place. That stump would be just off stage to the right side of both.  In the first shot, bits of  the river road are barely visible and the end was close to where the ridge down from the Tuzigoot Ruin ends.There was a clear area where cars were turned around and also parked. It is kind of hidden by the brush.  The next two pics were in that area. Trails ran down a short, steep slope to the actual river banks

Monday Memoir, May 13, 1966

Okay, Mother's Day and my dad's birthday were now over. Life went on with 'business as usual' such as the chores and normal routine while there were no huge issues or uproars.  I never was superstitious about Friday the 13th. In fact 3 and then 3+1=4 are two of my favorite numerals. 

Friday May 13, 1966 

Well, for a Friday the 13^th, this one wasn’t fatal. Got up early and went out to feed. The Boss was grouchy so I made myself scarce 'til he was gone about 9:30. Got two pens cleaned. Kitty came, nearly in tears, because her old man had said no to any horse deal.  It kinda shook me too but so it goes. I worked the two new little ponies and did the midday chores. No mail to speak of. I just felt like a pile of shit but that’s life. In the PM, I started to work on my print dress and top outfit some and when Charlie Mike got home, we ponied. I started Lyno to ponying. She did not care for it but she did okay. We got the home chores done and waited. Charlie Mike had to get ready for the FFA banquet so Mom and I drove to the pasture when the Boss finally got home. Didn’t see a sign of CDW (Dusty) today but someday… There are times when I nearly get discouraged but then I get over it. I just love him too much to forget, I suppose. We talked (damn it all) til about 10:30 and then fell wearily into bed.

At this time, dad aka The Boss, was gone a lot. He made many trips to Prescott to talk with attorneys, some to Phoenix trying to work deals with the "ranch" (the twenty acres we owned south of Bridgeport and were always trying to sell or trade for better facilities) and more. . If Mom went along it was usually to try to get loans or so she could be a witness to whatever he was trying to inveigle, con, force, weasel or whatever. Yes, those are pejorative words but mostly pretty accurate! At any rate, his absence was mostly a blessing to me as I could do my work without unwelcome criticism, advise or abrupt changes to the-plan-of-the-day or even the hour. I was sad and upset along with Kitty but she had no choice. Her DH was not into horses as she was and tired of the costs and drama I think. I am not sure what he did for his job.

 I had begun to train Lyno so she also could be used to exercise the colts and yearlings. Buzzie was now reliable enough even Charlie Mike could do leading with her and I mainly used Leo only to lead Chief  so an extra pony horse was very useful. She picked it up fairly quickly and mostly behaved well. She was more "spirited" and at times a bit unreliable compared to Buzzie and Leo but I never had any huge issues with her.  By now having really trained Buzzie and then Ginger and Patrick myself, I'd moved on with Leo and Lyno and soon had them performing well and capable of any ordinary task I asked of them. Not bragging, but I was a pretty good trainer!

I was still very anxious about Dusty and kept expecting to hear from him or have him appear suddenly like on a Friday afternoon.  It was some time before I did hear from or see him and then later in the summer I got disturbing news as to why he had been out of touch.  It was not "nearly" discouraged but very much really discouraged!  Keeping my faith that season was a challenge.

Ah, 'talk' and 'talks'--such innocuous words, like chores and a few others. They did not convey more than a slight bit of their impact, the trouble and grief they represented. Really talk implies an interchange involving more than one participant. For me and  Charlie Mike and even often for Mom it was just listening.  If any of us said anything it all, it was unusual. Of course we were expected to agree and even show enthusiasm about matters we seldom wanted to, even in an effort to mollify since it would come to back to bite us in the rear if we did and then failed to follow through. Mom was more likely to mollify and perhaps even intended to accept and obey, but Charlie Mike and I by now had our backs way up and were sick and tired of being harangued, put into corners where there was no good answer and having to bow our heads to harsh criticism and even insults. So a 'talk' was not anything I looked forward to or hoped for. How many meals were ruined for me to the point I was often too nauseous to do more than pick at my food. It sounds like I am whining, no? Maybe I am or was, but it was hard when I lived it.

Photos--you who read often have seen most of these over and over. But as I think it was Alice said in one of Lewis's tales, a book without pictures is hardly appealing! So I put in the eye candy, repeats or not. First Charlie Mike; did he ever smile in those years? Not much. Then Alex on Leo. He was a little anxious but I knew the horse was trustworthy. (Disregard date; wrong!)   Me with the two new fillies as I featured last time. That path behind me is the one we used to go up and down. The house is visible between the two large mesquites and it gives an idea of the distance we carried feed, water etc. Guessing about 200 yards.   Then Lyno under saddle--not very spiky-eared! And last Buzzie, Ginger and Lyno, up the canyon the previous summer before Ginger was sold.

 

Monday Memoir, May 6, 1966

 The previous week I had gotten a short letter or note from Dusty. He wished me happy birthday and said he planned to be in the area the coming weekend. I was relieved to hear from him, and began to hope, perhaps too hard. Still pushed by the Boss on 'selling' and finding horse-related jobs for myself and Charlie Mike, I had been trying to work some deal with Kitty. The details escape me now. Was I going to sell a horse to her or buy one--seems she had a yearling, maybe a colt of Chief's? --that I could train and resell?  So long ago... and so dim today

May 6. 1966, Friday

So Friday has come and gone--and to what end? I worked hard and fast all day long and went unrewarded. I counted too much on it, I know. We drove out fairly early and went on to Cottonwood for feed and medicine. I got the tetanus shot for the little ‘fawn’ filly from Dale Coon. He gave me a free syringe. We worked on the two little fillies and then I saddled Leo to pony the colts and Chief. Did my midday chores, had a quick lunch, and saddled Buzzie. I was on the road by 1:20. but something went awry. No sign of Moonspinner. I rode by Gene’s and several people were there. One guy in Levis, tee shirt and a light (yellow or white?)hard hat could have been Dusty but I wasn’t sure. Dared not call to him under the circumstances.  Had a nice visit with Kitty. She is coming over Monday or Tuesday, presently unable to decide what she wants. She was properly shocked about Tina’s death and Little Dusty’s. So was Jolynn who came by also. I returned past Gene’s. Even a larger crowd was there and the same guy still but I was more doubtful about him and no familiar car was there. Came on home and rode Lyno. She was feisty. No one had been to the message can. We drove out and then did the home chores. I would have sworn that ‘Spinner passed going west about 7:30 but it disappeared. Charlie Mike looked and we stayed outdoors after supper to no avail.  I’m worried now. Don’t know what to think, really. Maybe I’ll have some sort of message tomorrow. If not, I’ll write him at Prescott again, I guess, and try to get him to come on Monday or Tuesday evening or next Friday. A busy day again tomorrow so…

The disappointment was painful. I had not seen Dusty since he left in March and had heard very little. The Gene I mention was on B&B6 as a senior carpenter. His name was Gene Phillips  and Charlie Mike and I really liked him. Later I learned there was a party at his place since he was quitting Santa Fe and going to work.for Yavapai County. That was the reason for the crowd. I was looking across a field a quarter mile or more and it well may have been Dusty. I guess I should have called out or even ridden over. I was just timid of intruding. And not seeing Moonspinner, I was not sure. If it was Dusty, he would not have expected to see me there or been looking as it was on the far south edge of Cottonwood, out of my normal traveling range.

I have mentioned Kitty before. She was very much into horses, her hubby not so much. And Jolynn (Joleen?) (it seems she went by both) was Maureen Jewell's younger sister. She was near the end of high school at this time and Maureen was at NAU.

In the past week or so we had acquired two new equines. These were registered yearling QH fillies Dad had bought from a Hualapai Indian man he had met at the VA Hospital. Of course we really needed some more animals to work with and care for! Their names on the certificates were were Puani and Cyn Mas. (Sin Mas in Spanish, meaning no more?) Have no idea but it was spelled that way. I have at least one photo, I think. I can barely visualize them now

At this point I was keeping on keeping on as best I could. It was not often easy and very seldom fun but I did not expect much of either anymore, if I ever had. I was 23 and had essentially become a full fledged 'grown up', leaving most  kid stiff and idle dreams far behind. In time I believed I would find a way to move into a new life; but when, how and what was still lost in the mists of an unseen future, Believing such was actually possible though, I pulled out of my depression a bit. I had no 'really mine' four legged babies to obsess over now; mostly that was good. I still cared for and felt responsible for all the animals but the specialness was no longer there.

So pictures: Two photos of me with Cyn Mas and Puani. I think Cyn Mas had the blaze. These would be very contemporary with this narrative.  Next is Charlie Mike with Buzzie. We both ride her a lot at this time. Finally lower Clarkdale in 1965-66, not long before the last smokestack came down, in the fall 1966. This 'home area' had sure gone down hill by this point. So very different now!

Desolate Clarkdale 1966