Memoir Monday, Dec 8, 1967

This was the week I aactuallyy made the ultimate disposition of the main horses. I knew I had to so I went down and managed it. That was a final big burden off my shoulders and I was satisfied with the result, truly sad but vastly relieved. 

I got back from my trip to visit Judy and had to jump right back into school and then that first weekend into the loose ends remainning after the departure of everyone else. 

Dec 3, 1967, Sunday

It has been so busy. Well, Leo as well as Buzzie now properly belong to Don and Nancy Shellman and Lyno to the Lewises. I had sort of dreaading the business of finally really selling them--papers signed and all-- but yesterday it worked out fine.  Richie and Kit Lewis are so nice. I feel like I have known them for ages. They are so affectionate and all, just like a couple of kids "going steady" though they have been married quite awhile. Maybe I should wait until I am about 40 to get married!  Chief is in fairly good care for now and will be placed later. As of now, he is safe and secure as are Twinkles and CynMas. 

The time is whizzing by. I walked out to the El Rancho shopping center today. It was just a beautiful day and I got a fair start on my holiday shopping. I am making some clothes for Mom--a blouse and a dress. I'll try to get a skirt at Goodwill and/or some slacks. I have a radio and two books for Alex and a lockbox for Charlie Mike. I will get stationery for Mama Witt and Aunt Mary and find something for Papa Witt. Then I wil take care of the California folks. I slept from 10:20 to 8:30 last night, got up once to get excedrin for my aching tooth is all. I have to get them fixed. Maybe I should sew a litle. I can get a good start on Mom's dress, for example. The dark younger guy was driving the bus yesterday. He is even cuter than Nick and a joker, too. Louie was on coming back. Nick has the Black Canyon run now I think. Shall I got to Phoenix early--or return midafternoon? Oh yeah.

Dec 7, 1967  Thursday

I have hardly done a lick of school  work all week. I'll probably be sorry, too. Got my Ky Package ready last night. Mom's dress and blouse came out cute. I do hope she likes them. I feel good to send everyone soemething anyway. I'm sure Mama Witt and Aunt Mary can use the stationery since they both do letters a lot. And I think they all will enjoy the candy even if it is not Russell Stovers or Mrs Sees. I've got my spring schedule all worked out and I will take my cards back to Dr Downum tomorrow. He is always so nice. I'll be taking seventeen hours all told, five business courses and report writing, And I have 8:00's every day again. I just have to. And a 2:00 MWF but I am done at 10:00 TTh. Since I am not leaving early most of the time anymore, the Friday afternoon really isn't critical. I am struggling along with the bus stop story; it is roughed thru but I am not real satisfied with it. However I think it will come around and be done to hand in on the 19th. This weekend I've got to sew and study and study some more. The time is really slipping away from me at a frantic pace. Only 1 1/2 weeks until vacation time. Tomorrow I have to mail the Ky package and make my holiday reservation.

The rest of the week went by with classes and normal stuff. It was almost a treat to be simply normal after so much drama.  I was still missing Dusty and still feeling lonely and almost abandoned if I let myself think about it but the 'new life' was starting to seem more real and in many ways, a preferred situatiion to what had come before for much too long. 

 Pictures: This was the following year but Lyno, fat and sassy, and probably in foal at Lewis's place the next fall. She was run in a small local race or two and produced at least one foal though I am not sure who the sire was,. Not Leo for sure. I found one of Kit in that corral feeding a calf.  She was by now  a ranch-woman looking lady though actually from New Englan I think. He was an old cowboy and horseman of some  renown and had managed the Verde Valley School stable.

Memoir Monday, Dec 1. 1967

 So the eleventh month was about to fade away and the last one of 1967 was coming fast. It would see me on another trip exactly two years from the day I made my first one in 1965. But save that for a couple of weeks.

Nov 23, 1967  Thursday

I had better write about my trip before I forget. The train ride was neat, of course. I enjoyed every bit of daylight but it gets rather dull out at night. Got lots of numbers for Charlie Mike, some photos and an exttra time table so I can give Judy one.  And speaking of Judy, we got along fine, just as if we had known each other forever. I guess we  hardly stopped talking the whole time. I was a little shocked at her house and housekeeping but it's just what I am used to, really. I wasn't impressed with the her friends, the Trahants--their stud could amount to something if he was worked down but he presently reminds me of a sausage and is in need of some training by a real trainer. The country around there is just beautful. If it wasn't so crowded I'd think it an ideal place to live. I think I'd like the Central Valley better though, over near the Sierras.  Bernardino is a pretty town, close to the mounatins. I think I'd like it there really. Two RRs--maybe three. Yes, the UP, The SP (esspee) and the Santa Fe. I could surely get a job with one of them doing something. 

Nov 26, 1967 Sunday

I'm now on my way home. The vacation sure did pass fast and I had a nice time. Judy and I hit it off neat, as if we had known each other for forever and always. The kids of hers are kind of spoiled but not bad and even Morris really isn't a vampire,  just a big greasy bear. Cajon Pass and the mountains above Bernardino are really pretty.  The San Berbardino  yards were really full.  I got some numbers and photos. Saw several outfits coming ithrough Arizona and and so far only one in California, at Ludlow. Snapped the depots in Bernardinao, Victorville and Barstow. 

Nov 30, 1967 Thursday

I was kind of glad to get home but hated to have to start right back to classes. I sure have lost my conscience somewhere because I just don't study like I used to. I could just die about my accounting test--75/100 is disgraceful. And I missexd one of the easiest sections entirely losing 12 points. I could cry. I'm going to wind up with a disasterous average if I'm not careful. I have got to settle down and get with it. The mess just over is no excuse.

Anyway it was good to get away. Now Judy would like to come over during the semester break. Maybe we can work that out, too. By then if I get on the ball I might have a good start on some other writing project. I do want to get some of that neat purple material up at Sprouse Reitz and make a suit. It's subdued enough it  won't be too loud, I don't think. 

I was obviously home before Dec 1 and did not write that day, a Friday, nor the prior Friday Nov 24 when I was in California. 

A few train pictures to enliven the text,  mostly from the recent trip..  The first is the depot in San Bernardino through which I arrived/departed  at least two times. Next somewhere in CA that I never noted but an outfit car, for sure. And a bridge in the CA desert, again location not noted but probably near Barstow.

Monday Memoir, Nov 24, 1967

And at last it was really over. For sure life would never be the same again, especially mine. In the coming months I would have some new and different adventures and almost went a bit wild and crazy for awhile. That helped me to survive and begin to chart some new paths. It was not either the best or the worst of times, just mostlyvery different. Finally at the age of  24-25, I was my own person and many constraints were gone  Ghosts and memories still haunted me but I slowly shed them and consigned them to the back of a dark mental closet. I did not want to remember, much less talk about most of them for decades. Here and now at last I can be detached. 

Nov 18, 1967  Saturday

Well, they are off. The east bound Chief was five minutes early. That's really fantastic. I worked hard to be cheerful and charming but it realy makes me feel better when I do it. Except for the letdown afterwards. Alex was sure excited but I do not blame him. That's lots of trip for a small tyke. It will be quite an experience for him. I saw both Nicks. D was drrving a bus and passed while we were eating in the Lumberjack, probably with a direct Phoenix run. The other was at Foodtown, all tricked out in a black suit; somebody (rodeo club or foresters) was getting married  I think.  Well, in two more days it will be my turn. To travel, not thankfully to get married!!  I've seen lots of people off but haven't done much traveling myself for awhile. But my day will come. They are in Gallup about now, that's way over there. Those big old deisels do get down the line. We had a nice time playing records and talking. I think I got them off to a good start. I have this weird feeling it will be stormy Tuesday. Then it will be too much like a time before except no one wiill be seeing me off this time. I'd better go to bed--it is 1:45 am

Nov 19, 1967 Sunday

It is all unreal yet too real. I stayed in bed late, abouit 9:30 before I really got up. Then I completely cleaned and rearranged my room. By the time that was done, I ate a quick snack and walked to town where I parted with $1.00 for the priviledge of watching "Dr. Zhivago" Worth the price, as it was a fantastic movie; I cried. Like The Sandpiper, the depths of emotions were too close to me. I had a terrible headache and was sick and dizzy when I got back so I took two Excedrins and laid down. I feel so desperately lonely. Finally I tried to call Jim but he was not there. I sat and talked to Dusty's picture for awhile and then went to the library where I am now. It is cold and I am cold, inside and out, but I suppose it's better than being in my lonely room in a way. It is impersonal and quiet and cold. One doesn't feel anything here. I should be studying my accounting. I need to do well on that exam. Just two days until my trip. It seems so unreal. Everything. Unreal and yet still too real. I have a feeling of waiting. So far there are three eras of my life--before Dusty, during Dusty and now apparently after Dusrty. The waiting is for someone, I think. I could have, would have, been willing to go on with him but I can't let myself regret it too much.  I suppose we were-or are now--too different in ways that would eventually lead to conflict. I can't think that Jim is' the one'; he isn't real. It will have to be a very real and vital and powerful person. Dusty was all that in his realm. He was the chief, the boss. Mr. C.D. Watt lives but I think Dusty must be dead. He only lived for and in me. Perhaps I do not need him now but I am so lonely.... I know Nick is not right. It is just a simple animal passion type attraction. Some people have more attraction for certain people than theyhave for others. Yet the old fashionedness of me rebels against changing . I gave Dusty too much  but with him it was truly  beautiful in spite of the perhaps sordid settng. And that special fact can live as long as I wish. I want too much. I always have. But I am able to build part of it out of my imagination. If it weren't for that I would not be able to bear life now at all. 

Nov 21, 1967 Tuesday

Grrr. Just one class (English Comp) amd it just got dismissed. Dr Strauss dismissed our class meeting as of yesterday.. So I really could have left yesterday but that's okay I guess. Last night I packed and wrote letters. So now I really haven't anythng to do.  I could sew and I may write. I don't want to mess my room up. All I really have to do until 1:00 is  get my mail, eat lunch, change into my black britches and go to the depot. I may try to repack some to make sure my stuff rides well. I don't want clothes to get crumpled. The rest just must be protected. I hope I have not forgotten anything. I have a most deadly case of fidgets and it is not even 11:00 yet. How will I even live to train time?  I made ''paper dolls" for awhile , got my mail and rearranged my suitcase to include the photot album. I gues I'll check the suitcase since it locks reliably and the handle stays on. But I will carry the rest. And it will be heavy just getting up to the depot. They said on the radio that Eric Stadleman died as a result of injuries in a traffic accident in Cottonwood on Sunday. It was awhile coming but I knew it was almost inevitable. I thought he had straightened up some though.

So after a few short days alone,.I was heading off to southern California to visit Judy. I was pretty excited about it. It would be a big distraction and a special vacation after the ongoing catastrophes of the fall. We  had not met yet but were long-term penpals and had shared a great deal of our complicated and at times difficult lives so we would not really meet as strangers. As for Eric, he had been my nemesis for two years of high school and was really not a nice guy at all. I really despised him. While I was not glad he had been killed, it was not too easy to feel very sorry. I am not sure if he had gotten married or not but I think likely not. Many girls were turned off by him 

A few photos, though not sure they were this trip or another.Judy moved a few times and ended up in Perris, CA,  possibly by this time.  The first is her with her husband Morris and her two sons. Next I am at San Bernardino at the depot where they came and met me.  And last Judy and her goats out near Elsinore.

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Monday Memoir, Nov 17, 1967

 And the last day finally came, ending very late but it was done and I was alone to stay that way for quite a long time. Septermber 1 through November 18--two and a half months, give or take. Looking back it is really strange, days and weeks out of time, a stupid, crazy, horrible plot and tale. If a book I would throw it in the firplace,  a movie  I would walk out of the theater and a TV drama I would turn it off.  But it was finally essentially over. 

Nov 12, 1967 Sunday

At 11:00 pm I am so sleepy I can hardly keep my eyesw open. It has been a real busy weekend. I shagged outta here on Saturday clad in my black riders and red Indian style blouse with my new black bus driver boots. I got $100 from Uncle Dan Friday and put $60 in the bank so I  bought me a pair of Wellingtons at Babbitt's. Old Louie took me down for the last time to call it "home" even if it really wasn't. We sorted and stacked and today loaded the big old truck. Mom must get someone to drive it over to Prescott tomorrow. I'll be glad to scratch off that deal for final. May go down to see the horses occasionally but that's about all.  By or before next weekend I should be seeing Mom and Alex off to Kentucky and in just over a week I'll be off to California--the southern part. They say Nick is working extra board now and that he lives in Flagstaff. That might be valuable info sometimes--one never knows. Dusty has worn out my patience. He almost ceases to exist... I am going to take his picture down.  I am not going to be bitter about it. He did more for me than anyone ever will and I owe being here to him, really. I will always love and remember him for changing my life for me. It is not all right so is it the end?

Nov 13, 1967 Monday

Another Monday already and boy, do I feel rough, I am stiff and sore in every single muscle. Guess I should have taken a shower before bed instead of this morning but I was just too tired. Anyway I left the truck 80% or more loaded  so Mom should be able to  make it over there today. Maybe she can find somebody to drive the old crate for her. Thank God I don't have an accounting test this morning. I don't think I'd do too well on it if I did. I sure hope Dr Straus gives back our govt tests today and I hope I did better than the last one. If I didn't I'll just die! But I just about have to. I'm so tired I wish I could sleep all day and then maybe I'd feel better. But I have to keep going until 1:00 pm and then I really need to run uptown and deposit a check temporarily for Mom. Supposedly she is off to Kentucky by the weekend at the latest. I hope it all goes thru okay. I may be lonely and a little depressed but I will feel curiously free when it is all over. I already do in part but still have four equines too truly dispose of one way or another as the Lewis's don't particularly want to buy Leo and Lyno permanently but they will keep them awhile more anyway. I must write off and get the transfer papers immediately as I did not find any for all my searching over the weekend. Perhaps I can do that today, this evening. I have to start on the Marketing case and also have five chapters to read. Too much to do, my usual complaint

Niv 15, 1967 Wednesday

Wednesday morning and I really don't give a hang whether I go to class today or not.  But I will.. Last night I iorned, took two pain pills and read "Yellow Hair" by Clay Fisher. It was really a good book. Mom called. She and Alex were at Prescott bus depot going to return to Clarkdale end stay with Red and Lola. The truck had caught fire (carburetor) and had to be repaired before it could be moved, but she hoped to roll today or tomorrow, check on the storage stuff Friday and head on for Kentucky then. I hope it  all goes this time. It has dragged out for so long. Must hit that Mktg case--for sure. I have my accounting done til the test Monday except for part of one problem and studying. I'll have to spend much of Thursday at the library. Somehow I want to make it to see Dr Zhivago. I'd go tonight but I am on the desk from 7:00 to 8:00. Maybe Friday if Mom and Alex are not here, going, by then. Or Saturday as it  will still be on then. Wish I'd get some mail. Sure have not been getting much lately nor any phone calls except about family. A person could get discouraged if they let themselves. But I'll try not to I guess. Psych test is Thursday. I'll be glad to have that over with before trip time. I was afraid it would be Tuesday and I couldn't go early. Now there is no problem on that front. I'll make my reservations when I make Mom and Alex's or Sunday at the latest. 

Nov 16, 1967 Thursday

Here's me. I cut Govt yesterday and English today. I always feel quite wicked when I cut a class. So far I think I have cut Govt three times, Enlish twice, Psyhch twice and and Mktg once.  That is poorer attendance than last year but I have had my problems.  Guess who is getting married right away? Ms Peggy Watt. Would you believe? So that is one problem off her daddy's hands--or maybe one more. I don't know if Bill is capable of supporiing a wife at present or not. However he should graduate in May if I am not mistaken. Gee, sure makes me feel like an old maid. So many people are getting married. It is going to be harder and harder to find a guy no one has latched onto. Therefore I feel more justified in following my theory that all is fair in love and war--and also horse trading, Hey ladies, want to do a little horse trading? 

Peggy was Dusty's daughter, you may recall. Bill Luthy, her fiance, was a pre-law student and I had met him in some events but of course he had no idea who I was.  They ended up in Las Vegas I later founnd out and were still married in the 201x time frame.

Nov 17, 1967 Friday

Mom did not call last night. Now I don't know whether to get her money out and also about reservations. I got a good start on the mktg case in rough draft and did some sewing. I finished the satin suit and started on the two-tone blue dress. I should have pressed as I sewed. Nick King was here last night. He came for Ann of course  but that guy is something. His eyes are not as blue as the other Nick but he is a neat looking hunk of male, smaller than Ann even in boots but they do make a cool couple. There goes the west bound Super Chief/El Capitan and not much late today.  I hope Mom calls today. She has me worried and I don't even know where to reach her. Heard from Charlie Mike anyway and he seems to be getting along okay. I'm awfully glad and wish I could adjust well too. I'm so lonely at times this year. Mary won't write, Jim won't write and Dusty's gone.  Quit feeling sorry for yourself, girl. You ought to be ashamed. 

Later. like about 10:40. On desk as usual on Friday night. I think I am a glutton for punishment. I've felt so inreal today; it's just stress and tiredness I guess. Mom called, when I had just got back from town. I got the money for her on a hunch she'd call. My ESP was working. So I enjoyed my dinner more than most for awhile. Spaghetti, always a favorite. Mom and Alex will be here in the  middle of the afternoon tomorrow. I'd have made a reservation but not sure if she wanted to go by Chicago or Kansas City, so I didn't. I'll do mine tomorrow. And I found the QH papers. Mom will be relieved too. I would have sworn I didn't have them but I did. Duh.  So this time tomorrow I will be alone. It will hurt for awhile  but I've got to learn to live with it, But it won't be long until Christmas and I'll be really busy until then.  I'm just so tired I can't beleive it. I was so tense today until Mom called that I just exhauusted myself. I've got to take things easier somehow...

Kind of TMI all jumbled here but I was writing out my nerves and anxiety mostly. Still too many small issues but at last they were all but resolved. I am still missing a few key pieces that just are not in my journal and have been lost in the memory bank for some 58  years.  At this point they do not matter.  I may struggle to find photos but we'll see. I knew dad was sentenced to the State Hospital on his insanity plea, so that was finally over. He was moved there at once I think.

Pictures? Duh--maybe a bus or two since they were well used at this point. I was using Trailways then as it went through the Verde Valley as Greyhound did not. It cameinto my world  later,. That main street of Cottonwood,  a few years earlier, but I can almost find the bus stop--Lillian's coffee shop on the right side. That is all "Old Cottonwood" now. So different.