Monday Memoir, Dec 11, 1965

 The day of departure was getting closer. Things were not pleasant at home, for sure. I was either left out of some of the routine work or went with Dad and Charlie Mike.Then, rather than give me any instructions, Dad gave them to Charlie Mike who then had to tell me what I was to do. It was insulting and demeaning and I knew it was clearly meant to be. I am not sure if this was still over the donkey's death or what, but efforts were being made to break me. They almost managed. 

Dec 11, 1965 Sat

I got up about 8:00 which was as soon as the fire was built. While Mom and Charlie Mike fed and did the home chores, I made biscuits and breakfast. I still feel a faint air of hostility from the Boss and even a bit from Charlie Mike but I can tolerate that. They got off to a late start. Charlie Mike went up for mail. Nothing for me; no matter. I did the dishes and made a cake mix cake while they were gone and wrapped up one more box. They will prob’ly cost like hell to send but I can pay for it. Sam Slaughter came by to say we had mules in Emory’s.  “Hell with that,” I said to myself but we had to go and catch Ruby and Cinder. I went with Charlie Mike and the Boss to check on that.  Got back and had to hurry to make the 1:30 appointment with the Clinic. I got disgusted hearing the Boss talk shit to Emory. Mr Peckham is a strange looking bird but I found it not too hard to unburden and talk. I mostly knew what he’d say. He thought I should leave and take advantage of this opportunity. He said I expressed myself well but had too little self confidence and self esteem and ran myself down too much. He said I was very controlled but probably too much so. I didn’t mention my other problem but I’m really left with little doubt that I should go. He said I should not feel guilty about the state of affairs here or wanting to leave nor should I worry too greatly about the effect my leaving will have. There was little room for interpretation there. He spoke very positively. When we got home after some shopping we had to hurry to get the chores done. I went out with the Boss and Charlie Mike. Mom said little of the report on the session and got a rather violent reaction I think. Well, my only resort is really just to disappear. I’ve been convinced of that and wish I acted sooner. But I have five days before Dusty will be on vacation and I shall make my break somewhere. Probably Monday night or Tuesday. I sound like I am contemplating an escape from prison or something, don’t I? I hope the Boss goes to Prescott one of those days. Whatever day I‘ll have to hustle.  Will deliver a note to Dusty’s door tomorrow so he’ll be prepared.

The cattle guard at the north end of the pasture was filled in much of the time.  That was a major way our stock strayed. However the one at the south end had been partly filled in by the road grader so it was  now walkable too. Emory Kauzlarich was a neighbor on that south side and we'd had few problems there but now had one.  I realized that Cinder and Ruby were good mules and we did not want any harm to come to them so we had to go get them. As usual, Dad had to be an asshat and got into Emory's face. I was both angry and embarrassed. 

By now there was no question in my mind that I really had to leave and to just vanish was the fastest and easiest. Dusty usually took a couple of weeks of vacation time around the holidays. This year he would not be 'home' in Kingman but planned to take Johnny down to Rocky Point to camp on the beach, fish and explore. The next Friday would be his last day before leaving for that. He had already told me he would help me, drive me to Flagstaff to catch the train and anything else I needed that he could do. That help was very reassuring and supportive to me. 

This was probably the second time I had actually gone to talk at length with the counselor at the Clinic. It was not hard though I did omit some facts from my narrative of the problem. Mom spoke to Mr Peckham also. What she told Dad when we got home I do not recall but I am sure it was bland and brief. Still, he pitched a predictable fit and basically acted like it was a betrayal to share any of our problems with an "outsider" who was probably aligned with the state and local political 'enemies' who would use it to his and therefore our disadvantage. But Peckham's  advice did encourage me, anyway. 

So the next few days I got a telegram and money from Aunt Ruth, shipped at least three boxes of my stuff by Alabam Freight Lines. (I think the same company is now ABF, which we used to move from Alamogordo to here).Their little depot was just two blocks over from home and I took the boxes on one of our old wagons. It really was not too expensive. Before the next Saturday rolled around, I had left.  !965 was going to be a "different" holiday!

Old photos just for helping the text along. Me in front of the hay barn--one of my favorite shirts I made.  The canyon corrals which would have looked like this in a few days--yes, it snowed. And an old shot of Charlie Mike and me doing work like we often had to do.