For several weeks I still rather felt like the old Roman Riding with a foot in two vastly different lives or worlds. It was stressful and tiring. I also still seethed at the stupidity and non-necessity of it all. It was just so wrong, so foolish, so really pointless!! I worried about the horses and my brothers. I figured whatever the parents suffered, it was their own damn fault and totally deserved. I can now feel more sympathy for Mom than I did then but still see she allowed it to happen when she could have got up and left several times previously which would have changed things. But she would or could not. As for my male parent, it is almost a case of forgiveness is in the dictionary! Even after all these years, about 58. My wrath is mostly for the animals and Charlie Mike and Alex beause although I did not go scott free, it damaged me pesonally much less than the boys.
I managed to write only once during this week but dumped a lot of thoughts and some events in that sole entry in my deglected journal. Oddfy I had basically left the ddaily diary practice and moved to a simple journal where more thoughts and impressions were recorded than a recitation of events. It was a gradual evolution.
Sept 27, Wed
I don't find much time even to think, much less write. I have been awfully busy since I got back here. Sixteen semester hours and nineteen are different animals entirely, no mistake about it. And as you get into the upper level 200 and 300 courses, there is a difference too,
Went down 'home' for the weekend --bad scene. I don't think this place at Bridgeport will work. I wish there was a safe place for the horses for awhile so they could just leave. It rained like hell on Sunday and we drove up Oak Creek over rock slides in the evening. Mostly I just try not to think of what is going on down there. I'd blow a tube if I did.
I was just sitting here writing and waiting to go to Rodeo Club when Colleen came so I had to talk to her and then we went over.. Lots of new faces--hope some of them stay and sort of hope I can find an unattached male...maybe. I really have to organize my time better. I'm running around frantically and not getting much done. Of course I have been rather sick for nearly a week now which doesn't help and I do have a pack of troubles on my mind. I got lots of mail Monday, nothing yesterday and a letter from Judy today. I finally got an answer written and mailed to Mary's letter that I got at home. She is staying in Tucson at UofA to be near her parents. I am really going to miss her. She has an awful lot of common sense and understanding. I really counted on her being around, like I told her. It leaves a hole in my life.
However it is kind of cool to have a room to myself too. In a year's time I have accumulated a bunch of things and am opretty well set up. Just now I am not sure what more I need besides dry cleaning for some clothes and maybe buying a few amaller things. I'll give that some though the next few days and maybe go shopping on Friday or Saturday. I'm going to work on the Rodeo Club Homecoming float probably. I might really have some fun and hopefully they'll have refreshments. So it could save my buying a meal.. (I still had only a five day meal ticket, not the best idea.) It's now 9:30. I've cleaned my room and am now listening to records and bothered by stomach ache. Must have some kind of flu bug.
Last weekend was kind of bad news. Of course I wonder what's gone on since, but "I really don't want to know." I bet Roxie is still mad as a wet hen. Trouble and problems! If they have to leave there at least they don't have too much to take, no problem really except the horses. But how it wil ever end, I do not know, I am so sick of it all, anyway. Because I'm convinced that it was NOT necesasry or ineveitable
I'm going to make a schedule . I never do stick with them for long, but I can try, can't I? And maybe someday I will. Phoo. it's no use trying to keep a diary or journal anymore. Have I just outgrownn it? At least I have all my old ones now but there was a box of my old toys, souvenirs and clothes etc.that we forgot in Charlie Mike's and my shed. I wish I could have Buzzie up here. I could keep her at the Powwow Grounds for free, just feed and take care of her. I wonder if I could swing the feed? I think I coild, getting pellets at $3.00 per 80 pound bag. Feed her about 5-6 bags a month, no grain because they're complete nutrition. Maybe I'll try to work something out with Joann. It's an idea anyway. I think several rodeo club members have horses out there.
Again photos are not really available but I'll put something in just to break up the dullness of nothing but text. First the powwow grounds as seen the next summer,. Not visible were some barns or stable buildings near by. Then Lyno and Buzzie near that time. They were not real plump but not too bad.
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