Nostalgia

I suppose there is nothing quite like a reunion to turn one's thoughts back to 'the good old days' and maybe slip a pair of rose colored glasses on so that the rear view mirror shows enticing scenes. Perhaps it is not a coincidence that nostalgia kind of sounds like an ailment or illness. You know, neuralgia, fibromyalgia...that sort of thing. In a way perhaps it is. We've all heard the old saw "You can't go home again." And it is true. Especially when you get into mature years, the home you may recall from childhood simply does not exist any more. Although I say that all change is not progress, you cannot progress without change and time inevitably brings change, whether we want it or not. So looking back with a mixture of pleasure and sorrow is not very beneficial yet we all do it. In a way it is good to resolve or release the bad memories but too much "Oh, I wish I was still..." is not healthy or productive. I've been working my way through that part these days.

It was interesting to go back to Jerome and the Verde Valley in the central part of Arizona as I did two weeks ago. I have been back a number of times since I left the area, first going to Flagstaff to college and then on to work, marriage and a number of residences in Arizona, Colorado, California, back to Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado again and finally back to New Mexico! So I was not unaware of the growth, the expansion, the new levels of prosperity and the tendency of the main town of Cottonwood to grow itself into a mini-Phoenix and Sedona to morph into a New Age Mecca of sorts with an amazing array of spiritualists, hucksters, gurus, medical and pseudo-medical practitioners and of course a motley assortment of artists of all kinds. T'ain't what it used to be for sure and never will be again. I felt like a tourist which was fun in some ways but a bit disconcerting as well.




The first house I can really remember living in was in Jerome, on a place called Sunshine Hill--there are no houses there now. They were torn down or moved away after Phelps Dodge closed the mine. During the fifties and sixties the whole valley was in a mini-depression and that's the part I remember most. Here is where the house once stood, or close to it. There is a lot more growth in terms of brush and cactus now and the whole terrain has been altered. And the building where I went to first grade, as did Roberta Blazina Wescott who was a classmate in first grade and then from eighth grade through high school. I saw her at the reunion.

Then there is the depot in Clarkdale. I recall it  as a simple little frame building in a kind of yucky mustard yellow color that held some of the local maintenance equipment and the office for the Railway Express agent and the telegraph office etc. Now this structure has vanished and a stylish new Spanish Colonial variant sits there. It serves as the office for the Verde Scenic Railway and also houses a gift shop, restaurant, and other facilities. In fact this very place is now in the middle of a story I am writing--or rather Deirdre O'Dare is! There will be more about that posted on the 'writing blog' later on. But here are a couple of shots of the new station. I took the excursion a few years back and recommend it highly! If you are ever in the middle part of Arizona, do look into taking it. It is only about a four hour trip but the scenery is awesome, you will see a variety of wildlife, and if you are a rail buff, as I am, you will marvel at the engineering feat that built the basic track well over a century ago. Be sure to bring a camera!

And finally to give you an idea of why Alamogordo feels familiar to me, here is a shot of the hills near Clarkdale on the left and one of those just east of me, above the Air and Space Museum on the right. Am I just imagining a similarity?

So, nostalgia strikes again--I can't go home to where I grew up but I can still live in and love the high desert and the familiar flora and fauna with which I have lived for a good chunk of my life. My spirit is at home in this desert. It just may be that my nostalgia goes back far beyond this one lifetime.... This type of environment knows me and I know it, to the depth of my soul and the marrow of my bones!

Summer Solstice

This is a special day! Most of you know I am a very solar person, and although I may not precisely worship the sun, it is a very significant aspect of my life. So this day when it is the closest to straight over head and at its greatest strength, I em energized and excited! I'm also a avid student of the Old Ways, especially those of my ancient Celtic ancestors, so I do tend to mark the key quarter dates and those in between them that were celebrated in days of yore.

I was up before the sun today to watch it slip over the mountains to my east, the same range that showed up in my cloud photos of a few weeks back and some others I have posted here. It is interesting to see the first beams touch the mountains to the west, visible across the valley some 40-50 miles away and then march slowly across the spaces in between until it reaches my home!

Of course Ginger and I took our normal walk and then I did some yard work in my flower beds and thus honored the earth and the sun's role in making my beloved plants grow. One of my three new rose bushes, though still very small and newly growing, opened a pale yellow bud into flower this morning which I thought was a perfect omen! Now I am inside enjoying the cool air from the evaporative cooler; it is a bit more humid than usual but not enough to render the cooling power ineffective--yet. That won't happen until the full 'monsoon' pattern is in place--and who knows when that may occur!

To add even more celestial magic, the full moon is coming up on Sunday and it will be another of those 'super moons' when it is as close as it gets to our earth and thus very bright and perhaps unusually powerful. Watch for high tides and enjoy the bright night beauty this weekend while still basking in the post Solstice sunshine through the day.

While I am on the subject of the old ways, I'd like to recommend a very favorite album that I've enjoyed for many years. While quite a lot of their music is a bit on the 'heavy metal' side for my taste, Jethro Tull is a very versatile, talented and creative group! The album I refer to is Songs From The Wood. In it the leader and flautist Ian Anderson draws on the folklore and prehistoric roots of his Scots ancestors--and maybe a few Vikings too since Anderson has a distinctly Scandinavian flare! The songs all celebrate the old holidays (holy days!) in one way or another and are full of sly and sometimes bawdy humor. Those ancestors were not stuffy nor over-nice goody two shoes type folks! They were lusty and vital, full of life, fun and with their respect and honor handled in earthy and mostly realistic ways. I love it! I try to take some of that spirit into the more racy and explicit tales that Deirdre O'Dare writes! Anyway if you can find a copy of Songs From the Wood, you just might enjoy it also! My second favorite Jethro Tull album is called Heavy Horses and the title song moves me to tears every time I hear it.

To close I will share two pictures I took on my recent trip. One is at Red Rock Rest Stop, just inside the Arizona border on I-40 and the other is a view off the SR-6 cutoff that connects I-40 to I-25 and misses the madness that is Albuquerque. It's not as neat as my Steins Pass shot from January but a pretty good train picture! And of course trains are another of my passions--there are quite a few, no? Keeps life interesting!

And, to brag just a wee bit--I got daring and entered my two desert scene wall hangings in a local quilt and fabric art exposition that is happening here this weekend! I doubt if I will get as much as an honorable mention but I had to try!

I think I posted those pix before my trip? If not I will do so shortly--especially if I do win any accolades!

Past Perfect--perhaps

I just got home from a trip back to my old home in Arizona--I mean my childhood growing up region--and a class reunion or actually a school reunion. When I was going to high school in the Verde Valley, several districts were consolidated in an incremental process. They wound up with an enrollment too large to be housed in any place but the old Jerome High School which had once served the booming mining town. For about 15 years all the students were bussed up the hill. We call ourselves the "On The Hill Gang" and a special camaraderie exists among those who attended school during those years although we came from several communities which were then separated by fair-sized areas of undeveloped land. Those have shrunk drastically now but it is still not quite one bi metro complex like the greater Phoenix area, thank goodness!

As a kid I was a bit of a misfit. My parents as I have probably said, were 'hippies' before there were such in many ways and a bit reclusive and so restricted the social interaction of us kids as well. I did not date in high school and had enough chores with the livestock to keep me busy most of the time I was not in school. So I always felt a bit awkward and out-of-place. I did well in most class work and was quiet, mostly shy but I feared some would think I was stuck up. I wasn't but anyway. Most of my friends were younger--horse crasy 'little' girls whom I befriended and kind of adopted as little sisters. Still, in 2003 after seeing how much fun Jim, my late husband, had at his class's get-togethers in Bisbee, I dared to go back. It was a pleasant experience. But this time I was going on my own and that made it different. I could not stay with a partner and be spared the meet and greet and outreach!

Early on I reconnected with three of my old gal pals--Evelyn, Arlene and Janice. The first two married shortly out of high school and both to Latino boys--at that time most of the Mexican Americans were euphemistically called "Spanish" and a lot of Anglo girls dated them but it was kind of an act of defiance that was not generally approved. No one expected their marriages to last but  this weekend I saw two devoted couples who have been together about fifty years! They raised kids and grand kids and have had a good life which makes me very happy. And the men are nice, pleasant and quiet gentlemen in every way!  The third friend didn't  marry but she is cheerful, active and fun as she always was. And her face is hardly changed. It was so great to relive old happy times. They all knew I would be a writer and I used to entertain them reading my "ranch romances"  scribbled in steno notebooks!! Here I am with Arlene and Evelyn, the three Clarkdale Mouseketeers! Janice was at another table.

Then I saw some people I would not call enemies but they were not ever friends, really. One woman I went to first grade with in Jerome and then from eighth grade through high school. She greeted me very warmly and I was really thrilled to find the common ground bridged any distance that once existed. Then there was a pair of siblings that I had known in Jerome when we were all small. Our families did not get along --my parents and the grandparents they lived with--but they were friendly and pleasant and we  ignored--maybe even forgot-- any old conflicts and rejoiced that we had some common roots and memories and that too was good. A number of classmates I had never known well or been close to greeted me and seemed genuinely glad to see me as I was to see them. There was not one awkward or difficult moment. Now that is truly past perfected! You erase the ill-fitting parts, the estrangement and the less pleasant moments and share common ground in attending the same school, recalling the same teachers who you liked or hated, the pranks and adventures and voila, scattered and severed parts become for the time a coherent whole. I was really a part of it all--after some fifty years! It was inspiring and healing in so many ways!

Two women I had known though not really well, have collaborated on a book of short memoir tales from a group of women from other places in their lives and I got a copy. It is powerful and moving! We hope to do a "Mingus Union Authors" event at some future time. I was also awed by the many and varied things classmates and school mates have done, how far they have gone and the things they have accomplished. A half century sees a lot of things change and develop! No rose colored glasses--I did not remake the past and its realities are still what they were but I came away seeing that the impressions and down sides that I had carried with me for a long time were much less than I had portrayed them to myself--mere ant hills and not the Andes! I am healed and made whole in many ways and that is always good! I am so very glad I dared to go and just be myself and open to all I met and encountered. I've learned a lot too, I guess.

The book I mentioned above is called Ped.i.cure and it's available on Amazon. ISBN is 147818549X or 9781478185499. I do recommend it.as a moving, powerful and even shocking book in some ways but it opens to the light dark secrets like most of us carry and shouts that we are not alone nor are we tainted and flawed by these things, many of which we did not even have control over! It is liberating to realize this and the book does a great service in this manner. Every family has it skeletons and every life its errors, accidents and sadness. It is part of being human! You may not be able to share as these ten women did but you are a sister of the soul. Know and be comforted by that. I shared a bit above--I could go into more depth but I do not think it is necessary!

Eyes To See-Part II

Right now I am especially appreciative of the gift of sight. For the past ten days or so I have fought a severe eye inflammation that for a few days had me down to about 20-300 vision, with or without my glasses. That was pretty scary and not fun! I went to the local eye clinic--the same one where my ophthalmologist practices. The tech almost freaked out when I could only read the top line of the charts but I knew why. The doctor was not sure if it was allergies alone, an infection or a combination of both so he prescribed eye drops combining an antibiotic and steroid medication. Slowly I have recovered. Not quite 100% yet but getting there. I can drive again, read and spend short stretches on the computer. So the power of sight is very precious to me now! For a few days I could stumble around the house, get a glass of water and use the restroom but that was about all. Yes, I can spell b-o-r-i-n-g!! I called people and slept and whined....and listened to the radio and my CD collection until I was ready to climb the walls.

My ability to sew came back first as it was less eye-intensive than many of my activities so I completed a second wall hanging or kind of tapestry to go with the first one I had done a couple of weeks ago. The idea had been in my mind for some time and I finally found the fabric that would give me what I wanted at eQuilter.com, one of my favorite places on line! Here are my projects. For prototypes I think they turned out well. The one has the Ocotillo for New Mexico and the other the Saguaro for Arizona. They are about 2x3 feet.

BTW on any of my posts with pictures you can click on one and bring up a 'slide show' screen where you can see a larger version. These projects have loops on the back so they can hang on a rod but I just used the pants/skirt type hangers to display them for now so I could get a photo.

No new birds or flowers to report for now. We're in an odd pattern of some stormy afternoons the is similar to the summer monsoon season but not quite the same. Some areas of the state are having good rains as well as some violent storms--medium to large hail, severe wind gusts and heavy rain. Our area could get some this afternoon and evening. No more spectacular clouds, either, but I will keep an eye out--hmm, make that a close watch. Eyes out sounds a bit nasty in view of recent situations!

I am again fairly confident I can go on my planned trip to Arizona next week for my high school reunion and to see some friends and part of my old stomping ground. I will leave Thursday and be home early to middle of the next week. I plan to take lots of pictures, some that can be shared, and just have a good time! Some other sewing I have done is a few new clothing items -- I will be the lady in purple for the most part, one of my favorite colors along with turquoise/teal/aqua shades. Since they actually go together in the right shades that works fine! But I will drive my little red truck.... An 'artsy' aunt once told me red and purple clash when I used them in a coloring book and she was right in part but I still love my "Red Hot Mama". (That is kind of an inside joke as I never cared for red cars but got a good deal on this pickup and decided to flaunt it by naming her "Red Hot Mama" as it was at the start of my writing much more explicit and steamy tales. I was quick to point out that despite a front license plate filler with that name,  it was the truck and not me! Hee hee. But maybe not quite 100%???)

So now you know why I have been away for a few days here and will be again shortly, barring unforeseen catastrophes. I will still work at the book store when I get back but probably as a cashier and not in the back sorting as a box full of old books apparently stored in a shed with lots of dust and maybe mold was one of the triggers for my problem, I think. The doctor tended to agree and said to avoid dust...shun dust in Alamogordo, NM? Not sure how that is possible but I will try to miss the extraneous exposures anyway.

Hasta luego all and go in peace and harmony!

Memorial Day 2013

I cannot let this day go by unmarked. To commemorate I want to share a verse I wrote some years back. I wish I could share the picture that inspired it but I do not have rights granted although I did give the artist rights to use my verse if he gave me credit. The picture showed a young woman of times past in a long blue dress. In her hand she held a black-edged letter at leaning against a chair at her side was a cavalry sabre and draped over the chair a flag of fewer stars than the one we now salute. . It was beautiful and immeasurably sad. I have to remember the widows and orphans today too along with those who gave all. This verse is copyrighted but may be shared for patriotic purposes with credit to the author. Here is the verse:

Note, apologies for the lines that are out of rank and file! I copied this from a special format to make an e-book and self-published poetry collection and the format has some hidden characters I can't quite get rid of!

The Price of Freedom                 

The price of freedom is always high.

In each generation, some must die.

In each generation, some must mourn,

thus is the price of freedom borne.

The letter ‑‑ Dear Madame, I do regret

to tell you that your beloved met

with his Maker, a fortnight past.

I saw, at least, that death came fast.

Here is his sword, the flag he held high‑‑

In each generation, some must die...

Even ere the letter, somehow she knew

though she wished and hoped it was not true.

The price of freedom is ever dear

Oh, but why must it strike so near?

Each generation the price must pay,

in their own time, in their own way.

The price of freedom is never paid

in full; the mortgage is ere conveyed

to each generation, or else they lose

the right, the privilege to live, to choose.

With Washington, some crossed the Delaware

Before the English knew they were there;

With Jackson, some marched to New Orleans

and looked upon some hellish scenes.

At Gettysburg, brother fought against brother,

fighting the forces that freedom would smother....

They followed Teddy up San Juan Hill,
the Maine remembering, with a will,
and on from there to the trenches of France
where soldiers found not war's romance
but death in blood, in mud, in cold...
forever theirs, to have and hold.

The price of freedom must still be paid

with constant vigilance, bullet and blade.

The price of freedom is never low,

for in each generation, some must go.

The war to end all wars did not;

how soon the lesson they forgot.

Once again, young men and old

went to fight for what can't be sold

but must be bought in blood and tears,

bought over and over, through the years;

aye, over and over, for it is no lie

that the price of freedom is always high.

In desert and jungle and cold north lands,

still straight and tall the soldier stands.

                        Holding aloft the red, white and blue,

paying the price there, for me and for you.

But the price of freedom we all must pay

in our own time and in our own way.

Author's Note:

  This verse was inspired by a painting by western artist Harold I. Hopkinson which portrayed a young woman with a letter in her hand and a cavalry saber on a chair at her side.  My father was in World War II, my husband in Korea, friends went to 'Nam and my son and son-in-law to Desert Storm.  Though I am not ashamed to be a patriot, sometimes I wonder, like the sixties song: when will they ever learn?  But as a historian, I fear human nature will never change enough to end it all.

                                            (c)     GMW, 1995

Wonders overhead--even a dragon!!

I have enjoyed some lovely sights lately by watching the sky. I missed the full moon's rise as there were clouds but what clouds! I did get a couple of pictures of the not-quite-full moon veiled in some gossamer sunset clouds a couple of nights earlier though. Here they are:

Isn't that just as pretty as can be? I am a sunset freak so put the moon, one of my favorite celestial bodies in the mix and it's awesome.

Then Friday there were some amazing clouds. It was storming on the far side of the mountains just east of me. I thought for awhile the clouds might spill over the hills but they did not. Despite that, though, they did offer some spectacularl heavenly vistas. A loval professional photographer who works for the newspaper took a shot similar to mine that 'went viral' but I think my picture is just as good! First I show the white billowing 'thunder heads' a bit before sunset. The next shot is similar to the now famous one. To me it looks like a breaking wave; all we need is a surfer preparing to run the pipeline!

And then, not long after I took the 'breaking wave' shot, what did I see but a dragon!! Now my dear friend Sue-Ellen Welfonder loves dragons and magiickal sights in the sky so, Dear Friend, this 'bud's' for you! I could hardly believe my eyes, but there it is, a sea-dragon maybe, swimming along beneath that great wave. A relative of Nessie perhaps? Who knows, but  I was just thrilled to death to see it and even more to get a photo to keep forever to enhance my memory! You see its head there lower middle, right above the mountain and its cresty back glides along, dark under the apricot/bronze clouds above. In a few minutes it dove down and vanished in the dark swirls but there it was!! I am still amazed and kind of awed!!

BTW, to get a slide show version where the photos are much larger, just click on the first one and they will all then be shown near full screen for you!

Worth Dying For?

Warning--opinions that may offend some folks coming up. Read at your own risk!

This morning I saw  a bumper sticker on a car in my neighborhood and it got me to thinking. "No religion is worth dying for." Now those who know me well may be aware that I am very much set against organized religion--all kinds, colors, creeds and so on. It is my opinion that more atrocities have been committed in the name of religion than almost anything and nearly every faith is guilty here. The fault does not lie with God or gods or the beliefs themselves but with the tendency of people to get so wrapped up in their particular faith that it breeds bigotry, intolerance, narrow-mindedness, hatred and distrust of those with other beliefs and such a strong urge to proselytize that they may torture or kill to try to force their creed off on others. (Because of course it is the "one true way.") How can that be a good thing? I guess I kind of go along with one of the Beatles songs, Imagine, which .indicated a similar mindset to mine. Though I do not subscribe to there being nothing after this life and never have.

But beyond that, I also wondered: what truly is worth dying for? To save a loved one? To preserve and protect your country, your people, your home? And I decided I am not quite sure what, if anything, is. It often takes more courage to live for something or someone than to die for it. If we give our life to save a loved one then that person has to bear the guilt or grief of going on without us and maybe feeling they should have died instead of us. Many thousands, even millions, have lost their lives in wars which may or may not have been justified and fought in a good and honorable cause. My gut feeling is that most were not! And so it goes, perhaps the fate of us humans to make these choices, rightly or wrongly.

Would I go into something knowing I might die for a cause, a person or to prove a point? Yes, I probably would. Over the years I have looked death in the face a few times and did not turn tail--often there was no way I could. All I could do was pray and try to stand firm until the situation ran its course, whatever it was. Other times I was too late or unable for whatever reason to prevent a death close to me and I will bear pain and perhaps some guilt for those to the end of my days. You cannot live three score and more without experiencing such things, I guess. Life and death are inseparably interwoven, entwined, two sides of one coin perhaps..

Life is tough and living for anything demands courage, as I said. You are opening yourself to pain and struggle, to hard choices and the proverbial slings and arrows. Unrequited love, hard times, disappointment, and the loss of dear friends, both human and furred or feathered or even scaled whose thread is cut by fate what seems to be much too soon. So I guess mostly I choose to live for everything, as long as I am permitted to.  How about you? What do you feel is worth living--or dying--for? It is something to think about and reach your own decision and conclusions. I think it is important. Sometimes challenging your old beliefs and habits and taken-for-granted stands can be very valuable.