After a week to return to my current normal, I was ready for a new month, a new year and many new directions. Some experiences and (mis)adventures were coming my way. If on September 8, 1966 when I arrived on campus and did not go back home as I had feared, I was "born again" or at least released on parole; it was now again almost as if I had been freed from prison or my sentence commuted in full. I was free finally of those cruel ties and no longer bound or constrained in many ways. What a shock it was! . Reality came by small encrements and a few major abrupt shifts. Yes, I dove into the wild era of the free love, sex and rock and roll sixties (no drugs though) enough to get a pretty fair taste. Before long though that did become enough. I knew I was not meant to be part of that lifestyle. But still, it was a big change for the former cowboy girl, although much of her still existed in my spirit. But I had to march in place just a wee bit longer to pick up the new drum's rhythm..
Jan 6, 1968 Saturday
It'a 11:30 pm and here I sit in 251. I asked Carol Ann about moving on Thursday and she agreed. So last night after dinner, I came up and scrubbed out and then began to carry my things up. Knowing me, you an guess I didn't stop until it was done. I was half dead, but so what? I hung my curtains, unstached my bed and curled up in my comforter. I had gone shopping in the pm; that was my reward for taking the govt test. I don't know how I did but my room in order and I've written letters. Tomorrow I really must study. I don't know why I am such a procrastinator. It does not help anything. It would serve me right to get all 3s!
I really like this room much better. The view out the window is nice, too. I wanted a second floor room in North Quad since I came up. Now at last I'm here. It is a relief to be away from the lobby noise and a busyness. But I was kucky to get a room, almost late as it was. That test was the one that should have been on Monday the 18th of December?! Today I've set around but I took a tw hour nap from 8:30 to 10:30. I guess I'll go take a good bath in the tub--an unuusal thing for me--and then see if I feel like doing anything else before I turn off for the night. I've gotten everything set to order pretty fast, I am quite proud of myself for that. But I must get rid of a lot more stuff as I could never get this mess moved or stored. I'll have to buy a couple more foot lockers and I may take/send some stuff to California including Charlie Mike's boxes.
Jan 7, 1968 Sunday
It was a pretty but cold day and I spent most of it indoors. Stayed in bed until 10:30. I was ashamed but I think I needed to rest extra. No doubt I'll kick my own butt good tomorrow for not studying my accounting more. I did spend about an hour and a half reviewing my marketing but even in the library I couldn't seem to get with the accounting, What I need is some good lovin' --at leasat male companionship--and I know it. If only forester Ray had not left this end of campus; if only Jim had not chickened out on me with the damn polytix, and especially if only Dusty had not pulled the pin on me. (That last most of all) .But maybe this great '68 I'll find someone else. Lord knows I am going to look. But I just can't settle on "anybody", not after Dusty. I've always measured my men on a larger scale, wickedness if nothing else! And I figure to continue that policy. Somehow I'll get through this semester, and the next one. I plan some weekend jaunts to get my carcass off campus. Maybe I will go to Kingman, to Tucson, to Cottonwood, to Jerome etc. Take some pictures and do some skdetching and look for fellows....! I think I'll budget $100 just for tripping about. I may even run over to Albuquerque to see about the college there. I refuse to just stay home and stew. Life was made for fun and I intend to have my share!
Jan 12, 1968 Friday
It's been quite a week, good, bad and indifferfent, all rolled into one package. At least I have kept busy. The tests Monday were rough and I still haven't gotten the results of them. Made 76 on my government test which was disappointing. And I dropped my lunch tray and I received a summons from some of the Verde Valley 'enemies." I briefy panicked but they cannot do anything to me really. I suspect Dr. McDonald stepped in and made them leave me alone. I had nothing to say and I owed them not a red cent.
Tuesday was better. I began to write programs and I really like it. It is a neat challenge and kind of grows on me. I think I could get really attached to that job. I didn't get much significant mail all week. I am sort of casting about for a poor unfortunate male in whom I could sink my vampire claws. Harvey Cassidy (he is a highway patrol officer-I was so shocked!)Mike Johnson? But I never did like beards. But I want somebody in the worst way and I am looking hard.
Today however I got a $50 check from Uncle Dan--that is supposed to be a pannacea for all evils. Well, it damn sure did help. I put $25 in the bank and bought the soundtrack of Gone With The Wind and also Nancy's automatic phonograph (she was a hallmate) with a needle to play stereo records. At $15 I think it was a good deal. I can now listen to sleep knowing it will shut itself off. That is peachy keen. Damn though, why do I have to be nearly 25? I feel about 18 or 19 mostly and I really wish I was again. 25 seems awfully old and I've done so little, lived so little in my life. Yet I've lived too much already, too. Oh, it's such a muddle. No one has written me except for a short note from Charlie Mike that he and Kathy broke up. I'm nos too sorry. Sjhe seemed pretty much of a vacuum to me. Down inside I am probalby jealous that I disn't have a a steady boyfriend when I was sixteen. I am a far cry from Scarlett O'Hara. Maybe it's a good thing. I think if I was a dazzling charmer as she was, I'd be positively dangerous. I am rather anyway becasue of the stubborn willful streak in me. I've been so miserable the last few months but I feel maybe I am coming out of it just a little, Do hope so. I resolved to do better in '68 so perhaps I can. It's about my turn for some good things, very special type.
I'm thinking of running over to Kingman tomorrow or Sunday. It may be entirely a wld goose chase but I have to knot that up, cut it off, and throw it away before I can put my heart into anything else. Then maybe I can thaw out and turn on. Of course maybe I will come out the'winner' and maybe I'd be happier too. I think I''ll get uo about 7:00 tomorrow and call Trailways and find the cost and then decide for certain. No more exams now until finals, probably. Oh yes, Fortran next week. Well, that's not quite a fate worse than death. I'm doing my projects, anyway. So I think I should do okay with it.
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