A week of no big trips or adventures. Many weeks were, very prosaic and one could even say dull! Despite any small and awkward efforts to the contrary, I was not destined to be a BWOC or the life of any sorority or party set! The Honor Dorm had its share of that type but many of us were not. You had to have a good grade average and be thought well of as far as your behavior, at least what was known! Some did have steady boyfriends and some did not. Some took advantage of the laxer hours and allowance to come late and ring the door bell for Carol Ann or another 'inmate' to let you in but we were generally not "wild"!. The prior year I might have enjoyed the later times a few evenings but did not avail myself of that now. I had my fun elsewhere.
March 11, 1968 Monday
Old blues bug bit me again. The result of a dreary weekend, I guess and about 'curse time' too.But really I got quite a bit done. The aqua skirt and the lavender/lilac outfit plus the bra of my pink bathing suii done. A few small problems with the shorts but I think I can work them out. Have all my lessons for today and my retyped letter ready to show Dr Downum. And it's ridic to dread the little interview becaus he is just so nice. So I am really sitting pretty and should feel fine. Now shape up, girl. I've even got a ride to Phoenix for $1.00 if I want to go. Betty is going down. Think I'll go even if I have to rent my own room and entertain myself! Another weekend up here and I will be fit for 24h and Van Buren myself--unless the weather is nicer. It's ugly this morning, a miserable howling north wind--yech. Almost time to trot off to class. Will type on Cindy when I get back unless there is some urgent mail to answer. Have a busy day ahead which is really good, believe me. The miseries shouild hit tomorrow or Wednesday and then after being pain-struck for a few hours, I should feel much better Maybe I should try Midol? But I do not have much faith in that.
Later, just got back from lunch Saw Ray, who came to talk to Phil, but neither were with the regular crowd. Oh, just let that go!!. Dusty, you were tender and good to me but you put me on the wrong path. I telepahically warned you last fall, tried to tell you just what would happen and it surely did. Dale is not really right for me but I won't break up with him because I have to have somebody. And when he puts me down, I'll be another rung down the ladder. But if you don't reach out and snatch at any pleasures that go by, where are you? High and dry and lonely. I've been there too. I used to have such high ideals and they have all crumbled. It's a very old worn out story and no one wants to hear it, Any two bit mattress back can get married. Even I could if I crowded it, probably. If I squalled loud enough and fussed long enough, But where would I be then? Down inside way deep, I'm still the damn fool child believing in fairy tales, Santa Claus, all the other but it's now encased in a very uninnocent body. a 'fallen angel's' as it were. Not that there is anything unusal about that today but still...I'm afraid my 'dream prince' wouldn't want me this way and it is too late to undo the damage. Now, who'll miss another slice out of the cake? But I know and it marks me. Damn Victorian morals, go back to your cage and shut up bitching at me.Why am I still so bound by those damned 1800s standards dad forced on me?
Mar 14, 1968 Thursday
Here I am on Thursday. The time goes by so fast. Yesterday I drew an almost life-like portrait of Ray. It came out very good. Still not quite sure why I was given a copy of his picture; maybe a school one? I went back and laid out the proportions, rough scketched and then finished and colored some.What a waste of time--really. Old habit of sorts maybe. Creating a make-believe image from nothing like with the old pen pals. Dumb.
I got a three on my Finance test. Yech. I am really doing kind of badly. I've got to get on the stick. It was 77/100, a "high" three but still. I know I can do better and I must. I've somehow got to quit mooning around and sober up to work. But with Dusty, Dale and yeah, Ray, on my mind, wondering what to do this summer and assorted worries yet, on and on, it isn't a bit easy.
March 16, 1968 Saturday
Here I am alone on another Saturday night. But I'm not too upset about it. I wasn't sure about going to Phoenix anyway and next weekend I had better not according to my calendar. Got my two assignments for Monday done at least. Made a couple of collages out of pictures from Playboy and loafed away the day. I have a long list of things I was supposed to do this weekend but I am not too swift at getting them done. Well, what the %^&&%^! It's only 4:30 and I had a good nap this afternoon so I really should be good for quite awhile yet. I think I'll cut out some more sewing projects and then type some on Cindy. Tomorrow I have to study some and if the weather isn't too ugly I guess I'll go hiking out the east rail and see how many car numbers and photos I can get. Have rather neglected that small avocation lately. Stayed up until 2:00 last night reading after going out with Michal Ann and Obu (A Black guy whose girlfriend ois a friend of Michal Ann's) in the girl's VW. She was coming in on a bus. That Obu is a character--I could not believe him and his legal conflicts if I hadn't lived with The Boss. Gawd, what a kook. Hell, it's hot in here. I think I'll open my door for awhile. On the second floor there is not much going on to close away.
Pictures: My "Art" effort --I had not done a portrait for awhile, not since one of Dusty so compare? Oddly I never did one of Dale and in retrospect no poems or even sketches. I guess that was significant. Sorry the one of Dusty did not come across well--it is slightly too light, copy oif a copy I think
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