Memoir Monday August 5, 1966

 Aug 5, 1966

A new month had begun, mostly rather routine. I had still not found a way to leave but I was working on it. I was missing Dusty fiercely but on Aug 2, Charlie Mike did see Earl and  learned Dusty was now home in Kingman and his (adopted) Mom had come out from New York to stay and take care of him for a bit. He had rented a small house or a trailer earlier to  reinforce the legal separation and avoid hassles. 

It gets hotter every day. I still manage to keep busy. Got all the horse work done in the am, made cookies, rinsed and dried the dishes and helped with the washing. I got letters from Linda and Helen Reilly today. If I can’t get a job at Tellington’s… That would be nifty, really. Mrs R claims trainees of Tellington’s get $400 monthly  and room and board. That beats anything I ever heard of. I’ll have to see what Linda T herself says next. It must be 11:30 pm now. I’ve been busily writing letters. It’s too hot to sleep. If I’d let it this lawsuit stuff would really bother me but I know I’m not involved whatever the Boss says. My name is not on the real legal papers. At least I bathed tonight. I’ve been letting myself fall apart lately on personal cleanliness etc. It’s hard to care in this weather with these problems. Oh, how I wish someone was around on nights like this. I’m at that ‘in’ cycle where I about go stir crazy for just wanting to be loved. There are other guys in the world but the thought doesn’t move me much. I’m a very one-track-filly. What was the expression Dusty used? Anyway, I can just do a bit of remembering and practically fall apart. But keeping damn busy as I can is sure a start. Maybe there is something to this sublimation bit--with all the fierce energies I have, I should accomplish wonders if I divert them properly or tragedies if I don’t. I can see how this guy in Texas felt --he shot and killed sixteen people. It’s like Donna running away, that feel of omni-power for an instant.

Linda Tellington was a trainer in California who had a special project of training Arabians and Peruvian Paso horses for the Tevis Cup 100 Mile Endurance Ride.  Much like the Iditarod, it had checkpoints and the horses were carefully monitored by veterinarians. It was a rough ride, from Lake Tahoe down to Roseville, at the foot of the mountains . The trail crossed several deep canyons with rivers in them. I had a vague dream of doing it with a mule, which had not been done then. Anyway, I wrote her and asked about job possibilities, feeling I could do a good job for her.  Helen Reilly was another pen pal, I think, and involved with the effort to save and tame the wild mustangs in Nevada. She was also a bit in involved with the Bishop, CA mule celebration. Memory is very vague! Donna was another untrained mule and one we never made much progress with. She had some weird quirks and did chew a rope to get free a time or two to run away. 

The insane lawsuit stuff was really raging about now. Of course this was used to prove "I could not leave as I was involved." I had signed--under some protest--several affidavits and such but not ever the big pleas or actual suits themselves.  So, not so fast and not so much!. And an odd notion also emerged about here: I should go to college before long  and to law school!  At first that seemed too absurd to me but the idea did root a bit--one way to escape perhaps with some approval! So I tried to use it in my planning., and I told the  Cal Aunts and Uncle of that possible goal.

I was keeping as busy as possible; too busy to think or worry too much though I was gradually getting tireder and tireder. I admitted another day I was getting “tired of sore legs, cinch sores, sore backs, shots and all that. How I ever manage to keep loving horses is utterly beyond me. I must be some sort of nut” I had sworn I would not love any special one again and to some degree I did not, but several were still special to me and precious in many ways.

 Mostly the harangues and lecturers were now fairly low-key but there were still days when surly attitudes and nasty comments plagued me. I tried to let them roll off and not get too upset. I'd done that from about the middle of July on when there was some change after those major betrayals finally ceased. Judy advised me some on how to get by and I had promised Dusty when he left in March there would be no trips to the river etc.  Keeping a level of cool was thus part of my survival.

What photos? I was taking few to none now as most of my 'record shots' in anticipation of someday leaving had been done. Could not really afford film either. Found pop bottles did not net much spending money.  So some semi-oldies. First me with the Ford pickup I drove a lot that summer, still with no license. Then Alex and me with a baby burro--probably earlier as Alex was 7 in 1966. Last Charlie Mike with Twinkles who we then had in Clarkdale as a long yearling and were doing some light training. for her. He was in typical raggedy high water jeans and clodhoppers.