Memoir Monday, January 26, 1968

This week life picked me up, shook me in a brief tornado and dropped me back considerably rearranged. Much the same happened again many months later but probably both were preordained. Anyway, events both destructive and potentially diverting evolved. Yes, my finals did get somewhat trashed in the process but I managed to pass everything and not get any really horrible grades. I'm not sure what entity or force to thank for that! 

The next year or so evolved in very unplanned ways in my personal life but my scholastic or academic life settled and proceeded mostly in an orderly manner with a few fairly major changes of direction. Most of  ''life" was probably a very necessary learning and growing processs; I might have done better to have most of those experiences a bit earlier in my life but ultimately I sorted out  a number of things and possibly ended up where I was actually supposed to be. As Yogi Berra said, one must take a fork when you come to one but there is no way to take them both or more--choices happen, whether you intend or want them to or not. 

Jan 21, 1968 Sunday

If yesterday was not a billy dilly. got up at 7:30, showered, dressed has a semi breakfast and headed for the bus depot.. Yeah, I was half-hoping it would be Nick Dawson driving, but it wasn't. It was a long tall Southern sonof-a-gun named Bud Smith.  I was really not aware that he was giving me the eye and since he was not even wearing wellingtons, I was not too impressed.. But I did sit in the front seat and watched him drive and thought he kind of reminded me of Harve.  Nancy Shellamn was waiting at Lillians. We went to look at Leo first. He is at Geroge Stott's since the storm delayed Nancy's moving. He looks good. It is Dingbat and not Rico that George has, though. And he looks just like Peppy. Buzzie looks fine too. 

Then I heard the bad news.  During the storm, Cindy (Cyn Mas) and Twinkles got out over a snow covered fence and were killed on the Cornville Highway where they were both hit by Don O'Whiler (sp?) who was also killed in the process. I wonder how fast he was going in the ice and snow to hit that hard? It was during the stormy holidays and they tried to get in touch with me without success. Of course I was in California and no one had an addreess or probably even knew I was there. I was pretty upset about this. I had planned to keep one and sell the other to pay for her feed; I prefered Twinkles since she was so much like her brother Patrick and would break easy but Cindy was a papered Quarter Horse and probably more valuable. But that idea was now impossilbe. Then we went to pick up Jim's wife (a totally different Jim who had been keeping and might take Chief) to her chiropractic appointment. I sawChief and he looked terrible. That was sad too. So we went over to Clarkdale. There was obviously a rockslide outifit  and crew in town, probably the same burro crane there last spring. At least I was sure Leo and Buzz and I am positive Lyno are in good hands. It was rumored Louis Dunn paid $150 for Puani but he can't get her papers because I have them, never signed over afterwards from the guy dad bought them from. My first inclinationn is to buy her back but I know that would be foolish. I am just not meant to have a horse now.  So I tieid ot eat a little dinner and watched TV with Nancy until 7:30 when we went down to catch the bus.

Bud was still driving and I was the only passenger. It was weird, just as it it was all meant to be.  we came up the canyon talking about everything under the sun and this time I was impressed.  In Flag, we went over to the Greyhound cafeteria and had coffee, still talking. I ended up going down to his studio apartment at the Vandevier Motel where many drivers had space.  Turned on the TV to the FM muisic station and sprawled on the bed to drink bourbon and coke. When he reached,  I could have said no but I didn't. But I'd downed about three drinks on a near-empty stomach and  almost too soon  I was suddenly awfully sick. Knelt on the cold tile with my head over the commode until most of it came up. We walked out in the cold for a bit and I was better but sick again as soon as we came back into the warm room.  He took me up for coffee and then walked me down to the dorm. I was silly and talkative but could walk okay. I said I took them down to had been scared or something but I really wasn't.  I wanted it every bit as much as he did. Last May was an awfully long time ago. I'm sorry, Dusty. He can't take your place because you were first and always special but I waited as long as I could.  I've been a peach ripe for picking for quite awhile. Next morning I really felt pretty fair after a shower and some soda crackers and a glass of lemon-lime soda. Guess I'll do my accounting and then go check my mail for yesterday and then maybe a good hike.  Waiting for Bud to call-- which he might not do but he said he would.  

Well how about that? Are you readers as shocked or surprised as I was when I got up the next day? The loss of the two young mares hit  me very hard. I cannot call that a real excuse but a jolting change was past due and it came, like a runaway train. My new "education" had begun.

Jan 22, 1968 Monday

So I took my DAPR test, got my programs in. I had gone down to Nancy's and heard some bad news, got drunk, went to bed with a bus driver and now it is Monday morning again. What do you know? Now there really are no more exams until finals but I've got to hit the books. Dying to see what I got in DAPR. Hope it is okay. Am going to be nice to Harv this morning, Bud did not keep his promise to call yesterda  so to hell with him. Just say I had a good time and got rid of some tensions and check that one off. I just may run over to Kingman after all. Find how much the round trip is on the Chief and then go Greyhound? But I may go to Jerome on Sunday just to scare hell out of Jimmie Mac. I feel mighty bitchy!

Jan 23, 1968, Tuesday

Part 1

I am rather ticked at Buddy, really. Can't figure out why he hasn't called except he is just waiting for me to come to him. Which, fool I am, I'll probably end up doing. It all seems so surreal now, amyway. I cannot figure him. If I had only been sober and not all fouled up to begin with over the horses I'd have been more sensitive to impressions and would have a beetter memory of it all and be able to make a better estimate of him. The teasing tenderness of "Pobrecita" (said to/of me at some point) brings one image. He insisted on getting my phone number also. Part of that was clearly just a line yet in a way I think the bottled courage was meant for him as much as for me, and part of his conversation was selling him on the whole idea too. Perhaps the fact that I am not on the pill gave him second thoughts.  Possibly he needs a little reassurance. (I was not sure but already suspected I might be sterile--the damn mumps.) Then again maybe he is just a playboy out for some fun and a one-night-stand was all he expected. It is all at variance and incomprehensible, so many contadictions. I liked him almost instantly once we started talking and was not afraid at all. Or am I kiddin myself again? Did I just imagine/pretend it was Dusty? I wish I wasn't so complicated! If I couild understand myself, other people would be no trouble at all.  It was cool coming up, just the two of us in the big old bus--a very odd sort of trip, really. And quite a coincidence. It never happened before and probably never will again. 

So far only my vanity is piqued that he has ignored me. I was too easy, but I was 'love starved' (not really sex but human contact and a feeling of being valued) so no use beating around the bush. I might go back for more. That would/could be a problem. I feel kind of bad about being uunfaithful to Dusty, but ye gods, how long am I supposed to wait? No I am so glad Mary called. That gives me somewhere to go for the break, anyway. And I sure do want to get away from this joint for awhile. She still wants me to transfer to UofA. Maybe I should but not before fall. In ways I'd like to now but I know I wouild screw up the whole deal if I tried.  

Part II

By golly I beleive I'll keep my new year's resolutioins! I was pretty tiked at Buddy yesterday asit was suposd to be my 'luucky day" Something mail or maybe male?  But you know how ti goes. I had a phone cakl about 7:45. I was surprsied as hell too. It was Buddy Boy who said I stood him up last night (say what?) and wanted me to come up. He said scare up a girl for his friend but I told him to come get me.But then his supposed sweetie came in on the bus from AQ and it was the friend who came after me. His name is Dale Hunter and he looked so damn much like Dusty it really hit me hard. He was just going to telll me about Bud's 'bad liuck' but then he asked me to go out for coffee. We wandered around and ended up in his room minus booze. He is an ex-driver, divorced and from Phoenix now. He was with Continental and is suing them over his no-fault firing. Apparently he really liked me but I said I did not like the idea of being passed around among friends. He denied that was  what it was but I still said no."At least until I know you better." He was not real happy maybe but clearly not too upset. He is suppsoed to be up the first of Feb to see his attorney and will take me out then. I'm in a quandry--will have to see what Bud does or says but I don't owe him anything. I liked him but---I do not owe him anythng. A week or two ago I would never have beleived it. Hee I am with two problems, two new problems to choose between. Looks like my luck is changing. I'm changing too, maybe not for the better but it depends on how you look at it. I think Dale will be cool. He reminds me so  much of Dusty. Like most guys, he canot figure me out. I have an idea the next few weeks may prove muy interesante!

Jan 26, 1968, Friday

And I did see Bud again before Dale got back... (Falling too fast and hard and being dumb...that was so me at times.) He came and got me last night and we walked, watched TV and ate hamburgers --after making love and nearly fell asleep together after the second time. He is something else. I fall apart and melt into nothing and it's pain and glory all at once. But I like best lying close to him afterwards and talking or resting with my head on his chest and hearing his heart beating hard and steady unde my ear, If I had not learned Dusty's ways first, I probably could not deal with this but I do find I am not "cold" at all. or even slow to warm up. Last night I forgot to take my socks off--now I am even on that score. LOL. Oh, Dusty used to bug me there. Bud is terribly strong but not really rough and does not seem heavy.  It may he just balances his weight off me or I am too lost to notice. Not that Dusty was ever heavy;he was very gentle and careful of me always. Bud is on the road tonight, guess in Cottonwood about now. 

So is everyone properly shocked? Oh I never was little miss goodie two shoes but I  simply had never found that many opporunities to step into the free love period of the late 1960s prior to this point. I still did feel qualms about Dusty; I very definitely still loved him and missed him greatly but  he was gone and I had no idea where and how he was.  I quickly decided to back off and not get emotionally involved any more than I could help. It was too dangerous and asking for hurt. I'd had more than I wanted of that so now it was just to have fun, get the human contact I urgently needed--that I desired much more than merely sex although at times it was fun and good. No question Bud would be described as "good in bed" without any doubt. Even my limited experience recognized that. As a long term companion or partner, not really. Even then I recognizzed that as well.

Pictures? Hard as heck for this segment. I'm not sure what might fit, not be x-rated and enhance the story!I guess I was close to arm candy or eye candy at that point although it is hard to feature myself in that role.The old lack of confidence and worry about being femine and attractive still lurked. I was just a cowboy girl cosplaying as a charmer?  Very much!. Nothing to go into Playboy for sure, even the first one that I have kept hidden for years! #1 is about 1973 in Colorado, 2 is in winter 1968 in San Lorenzo, NM and 3 goes back to about 1964-5 in Clarkdale. So they are in reverse order. 

Memoir Monday, January 19, 1968

Living through more adjustment as I really tried to get back into a pattern of being a student again. I didn't quite realize how deeply my real  PTSD was mixing up my emotions and mental processes.  I really did not start to recognize or come out of that residue for weeks, even months.  But I did change--greatly--from who I had been until September 7, 1966 and even until November 18, 1967. Did I "go to college to get an education?"  In many ways, yes. I saw and learned so much I had never known, understood or even realized existed before. I have to fall back on Dicken's best and worst of times, because it combined both ultra highs and abject lows and then many dull and depressed hours mingled in as I found liberty could become license and freedom was almost nothing left to lose. .In retrospect I credit myself with both the fortitude and resiliance to survive and deeply thank my  Deity and Guardians who always helped me. In these entries I was still trying to sort things out here. 

Jan 14, 1968 Sunday

Well, I didn't. (go to Kingman)  I found the round trip will cost me $12.10. That is awful steep for a wild goose chase. I still may go before long but I'll see how things work out between now and whenever.  It has really been a nice weekend. I got all my homework done and finished the striped blouse. I took two nice hikes in the snow, too. I bought Nancy C's phongraph and I am very glad. It is the coolest luuxury to be able to fall asleep to the sound of music and know it will shut itself off at the end of the record. I washed clothes today and also my hair and the latter is curled to dry and the former hung. So I feel quite productive and worthwhile. This evening I went to the C.U. movie with Betty and Michal Ann. It was "A Patch of Blue" and was really a beautiful movie. It was in black and white, a sort of classic style that was suitable, I'll add it to my list of favorite films. And discovered Sidney Poitier. -a -super cool man. and actar

This semester Betty Leinheiser and Michal Ann Magro were about the closest friends I had in the dorm. They were both really nice and reasonable girls, fairly mature and not giddy or acting 'like kids'. I did quite a few things with them and they often asked me to join them. They were truly kind people. The C.U. was the student union and theyhad free films fairly often, some actually pretty currnet and not grade z.

Jan 15, 1968 Monday

I can't figure whether I am overconfident, over-estimate myself or just what is wrong. But I am doing lousy. A low two on the Marketing Exam--I am so ashamed that I could cry. My grades are just falling apart. Now I am really going to be in a squeeze for finals and I just know something will happen to screw me up on them and I will wind up with about a 2.5 average or worse. . God, I'd rather die now and get it over with! Yech. I started out pretty good in DAPR and Mktg--why am I falling flat now? My problems have eased up a lot in contrast to the fall. I was just feeling better over the wekend. If I blow that Govt makeup, I will just feel like crawling in a hole. Well, may as well be philosophical.  It is what it is. I'll really study and do the best I can and then try for a better semester through the spring.

I guess I was too wrapped up in grades but they were a rare sign of success at this point. I really did think that dropping below a very high two was awful and a three was a failure! Vanity? Conceit? I'm not sure but I had set some tough standards for myself. Well, it was all I had left in most ways. Somuch of my old life was simply gone.

Jan 17, 1968  Wednesday

Good resolutuions which I hope will last. AFor me, I studied quite a lot yesterday. I do think I am on the edge of that 'spontaneous recovery' from my assorted neuroses. That 90 on my Govt makeup test boosted my morale considerably, Now if I can do well on the final maybe perhaps I can get a 1 in there. I've got to do a good job on my final marketing test to balance that 71--I am ashamed but it was mostly a misunderstanding more than a lack of knowledge for the subject.  In Dapr I have two chances to pull myself up. In Accounting I am rather discouraged. I can't see clear to anything better than a two there. Anyway, I got 90/100 on my Govt extra test, That sure did help.  Now I've got to dig in and get a good high score on my Dapr FORTRAN exam. That's Friday. Will pour over the material on Thursday night and perhaps go to the library if the weather is okay. Today is sheet change day and I intend to get my Goodwill stuff out of the room and generally tidy up the place some more. That may be the last of that sort of thing until after finals. In fact it better be. I haven't heard from Nancy Shellman but I reckon I'll plan to go down unless I hear differently. 

Jan 19, 1968 Friday

Today was ok. It began with scrambled eggs and sausage for breakfas, a favorite. Had a short quiz in Mktg on which I got 100%(!) Redid my #4 program and went to take the test, It was rough. I really don't know what to expect. Harvey came to class clad in his Highway Patrol uniform and sure looked sharp. Uniforms help most any guy, I guess. I'll wager he takes being an officer of the law very seriously. He even had his gun on. My #4 ran right and I finished punching my extra credit one. It will probably be screwed up but one has to start somewhere. I did go shopping and looked at lots of coats and jackets but did not buy one. I may later or not. Bought a record and some chow and blew the afternoon. That was my intention.  I haven't accomplished much this evening but don't care much. Going to have fun this weekend as next week and weekend I am going to be up against it for sure--finals avalanche. Saw Peggy (Watt) heading home on the Chief. Don't suppose I will make that scene yet--wait until after finals so it won't blow my cool whatever happens. I can go to Cottonwood and Jerome for a bit less anyway. I want to take a bunch of photos of Jerome. I found a '65 Kennedy half dollare today. I felt it was a good omen and I now have a full set of four. 

Oh we were so modern and high tech then. LOL. Punch cards were the current big thing. There were machines like typewriters only bigger to do that and of course if a wrong punch was made, it was going to be wrong! That is assuming you had the code figured out correctly to do what you wanted. Oh my! So much has changed. But I did like coding and programming and actually did a good bit later on in my then-uninvisioned career. Natural born geek? Ha ha. 

Photos? I am not sure there are any appropriate in the vault. A few that might have been are lost forever on the crashed  hard drive.  So I went googling and found a couple just for spits and giggles. NOT my photos!! First is a 1964 IBM card punch machine! They were big suckers! The next one is an AZ Highway Patrol car and officer--before they became DPS in the DOT about 1970. I think by 1967 the uniforms were dark blue but maybe this was a summer one? Clearly shot in Phoenix by the background.Definitely FWIW stuff. And Harvey never became a thing to me. Life gave me a different choice. Soon, even. 

Memoir Monday, Jan 12, 1968

After a week to return to my current normal, I was ready for a new month, a new year and many new directions. Some experiences and (mis)adventures were coming my way.  If on  September 8, 1966 when I arrived on campus and did not go back home as I had feared, I was "born again" or at least released on parole; it was now again almost as if I had been freed from prison or my sentence commuted in full.  I was free finally of those cruel ties and no longer bound or constrained in many ways. What a shock it was! . Reality came by small encrements and a few major abrupt shifts. Yes, I dove into the wild era of the free love, sex and rock and roll sixties (no drugs though) enough to get a pretty fair taste. Before long though that did become enough. I knew I was not meant to be part of that lifestyle. But still, it was a big change for the former cowboy girl, although much of her still existed in my spirit.  But I had to march in place just a wee bit longer to pick up the new drum's rhythm.. 

Jan 6, 1968  Saturday

It'a 11:30 pm and here I sit in 251. I asked Carol Ann about moving on Thursday and she agreed. So last night after dinner, I came up and scrubbed out and then began to carry my things up. Knowing me, you an guess I didn't stop until it was done. I was half dead, but so what? I hung my curtains, unstacked  my bed and curled up in my comforter. I had gone shopping in the pm; that was my reward for taking the govt test. I don't know how I did but for now my room is  in order and I've written letters. Tomorrow I really must study. I don't know why I am such a procrastinator. It does not help anything. It would serve me right to get all 3s!

I really like this room much better. The view out the window is nice, too. I wanted a second floor room in North Quad since I came up in 1966.. Now at last I'm here. It is a relief to be away from the lobby noise and busyness. But I was lucky to get any room in Septermber , almost late as it was.  That test was the one that should have been on Monday the 18th of December?! Today I've sat around and I took a two hour nap from 8:30 to 10:30. I guess I'll go take a good bath in the tub--an unuusal thing for me--and then see if I feel like doing anything else before I turn off for the night. I've gotten everything set to order pretty fast. I am quite proud of myself for that. But I must get rid of a lot more stuff as I could never get this mess moved or stored. I'll have to buy a couple more foot lockers and I may take/send some stuff to California including Charlie Mike's boxes. (I had 3-4 of his stuff from the homeless time and temporay place)

Jan 7, 1968 Sunday

It was a pretty but cold day and I spent most of it indoors. Stayed in bed until 10:30. I was ashamed but I think I needed to rest extra. No doubt I'll kick my own butt good tomorrow for not studying my accounting more. I did spend about an hour and a half reviewing my marketing but even in the library I couldn't seem to get with the accounting,  What I need is some good lovin' --at least male companionship--and I know it. If only forester Ray had not left this end of campus; if only Jim had not chickened out on me with the damn polytix, and especially if only Dusty had not pulled the pin on me. (That last most of all)  .But maybe in this great '68  I'll find someone else. Lord knows I am going to look.  But I just can't settle on "anybody", not after Dusty. I've always measured my men on a larger scale, wickedness if nothing else! And I figure to continue that policy. Somehow I'll get through this semester, and the next one. I plan some weekend jaunts to get my carcass off campus. Maybe I will go to Kingman, to Tucson, to Cottonwood, to Jerome etc. Take some pictures and do some sketching and look for fellows.  I think I'll budget $100 just for tripping about. I may even run over to Albuquerque to see about the college there.  I refuse to just stay home and stew. Life was made for fun and I intend to have my share!

Jan 12, 1968  Friday

It's been quite a week, good, bad and indifferent, all rolled into one package. At least I have kept busy. The tests Monday were rough and I still haven't gotten the results of them. Made 76 on my government test which was disappointing. Then I dropped my lunch tray and I received a legal summons from some of the Verde Valley "enemies".  I briefy panicked but they cannot do anything to me really. I called  Dr Joe P.  and I suspect he reached Dr. McDonald who stepped in and made them leave me alone. I had nothing to say and I owed them not a red cent.  
Tuesday was better. I began to write programs and I really like it. It is a neat challenge and kind of grows on me. I think I could get really attached to that job.  I didn't get much significant mail all week. I am sort of casting about for a poor unfortunate male in whom I could sink my vampire claws. Harvey Cassidy (he is a highway patrol officer-I was so shocked!), Mike Johnson? But I never did like beards. But I want somebody in the worst way and I am looking hard.  

Today however I got a $50 check from Uncle Dan--that is supposed to be a panacea for all evils. Well, it damn sure did help. I put $25 in the bank and bought the soundtrack of Gone With The Wind and also Nancy's automatic phonograph (she is a hallmate) with a needle to play stereo records. At $15 I think it was a good deal. I can now 'listen to sleep' knowing it will shut itself off. That is peachy keen. Damn though, why do I have to be nearly 25? I feel about 18 or 19 mostly and I really wish I was again. 25 seems awfully old and I've done so little, lived so little in my life. Yet I've lived too much already, too. Oh, it's such a muddle. No one has written me except for a short note from Charlie Mike that he and Kathy broke up. I'm not too sorry.She seemed pretty much of a vacuum to me. Down inside I am probably jealous tha which is maybe a good thing. I think if I was a dazzling charmer as she was, I'd be positively dangerous. I am rather anyway because of the stubborn willful streak in me. I've been so miserable the last few months but I feel maybe I am coming out of it just a little, Do hope so. I resolved to do better in '68 so perhaps I can. It's about my turn for some good things, very special type. 

I'm thinking of running over to Kingman tomorrow or Sunday. It may be entirely a wild goose chase but I have to knot that up, cut it off, and throw it away before I can put my heart into anything else. Then maybe I can thaw out and turn on. Of course maybe I will come out the 'winner' and be happier too.  I think I''ll get up about 7:00 tomorrow and call Trailways to find the cost and then decide for certain. No more exams now until finals, probably. Oh yes, Fortran next week. Well, that's not quite a fate worse than death. I'm doing my projects, anyway. So I think I should do okay with it. 

Pictures: First the view across the street (Beaver I think, the main one down from town) out of my new window. This room faced southeast, more or less. It was to the west or left of the front door but I cannot find the window in a photo.  And  up that street to the north east was the ATSF Depot and across the-then-main street were the bus depots! Blow up the photo to glimpse them. Sadly I had some shots of this new room but they were lost in the 2018 hard drive crash. Still regret that. 

Memoir Monday, Jan 5, 1968

 I came back to the still-heavy remains of that colossal storm. The train got in about 5:00 am. We weary students staggered out of our seats. grabbed luggage and stumbled down to campus through the open topped snow-tunnels down Beaver to the dorm. I woke Carol Ann, the head resident, to let me in and rested briefly but had to make a class at 9:00.  We called Carol Ann the Dorm Big Sister rahter than Dorm Mother since she was little older than most of us and possibly younger than me! She may ave abeen a grad student but not sure.

Jan 2, 1968 Tuesday

It seems like I've been gone for months. Later I wrote a litle bit from the library.  I had collected my great accumulation of mail although none of it too spetacular. I'll get my package after lunch when I go to change my sheets. The sky is lead gray --it could nearly be the day we left, I mean the last day of classes. I am tired and light headed from so little food for twenty four hours, but I guess I can endure two more hours until lunch time. Then I'd better get my shipped stuff, change sheets, get my package etc. And then I think I will sleep!! It is scarcely cheerful weather. Wonder if it is still foggy over in Sacramento? I am glad to be back but it is going to be lonely. I'll have to follow everyone's good advice and go boyfriend hunting... 

Actually that last was almost a bad joke since I had seen so few guys on campus that  appealed to me at all. However, little did I know at this point how things might soon change rather abruptly although it was not college boys (were there really any college men?) but that basically worked better for me anyway. However my relatives would probably have been appalled or at least disapproving.  I have to laugh at that and I actually did a bit then. I knew the parents would not have approved!  But that was almost the cherry on my sundae!

Not many photos but here is what Campbell Hall looked like much of the time for a number of weeks!. It was a pretty building and nice setting, as the second photo shows.  I was always glad I opted for the Honor Dorm my second year. After that, it was off campus, a tale for a little ater.

Memoir Mondays Dec 22 and 29, 1967

Much of this block, Mondays, Dec 22 and Dec 29,  I was in California, the second holiday season  there for me. I shared it with Charlie Mike, of course, since he had been there since the end of October.  I was glad not to have to stay in Flagstaff and perhaps even gladder not to be in Clarkdale as I had been the year before but it was not a total delight. The tight group of Dad's siblings (seriously enmeshed family!!) were not restful or really peaceful people  and they were not kind or welcoming to Uncle Dan's newish French wife and her four kids from her prior marriage. Their two girls were still very young and his son was either not born or still an infant. I wrote very little about the whole period since my journal was back in the dorm and we mostly kept very busy during those weeks from December 18 until January 2. 

Dec  18, 1967  Monday

Here I sit in the same room that was home to me for awhile in 1965-66 about this time. 

We wre dismissed from NAU at noonish on Saturday, the 16th. It had eased off some but still deep snow and some falling. I lost no time in headng to town with my baggage. Once at the depot, I found out my reservation--for several days later--was worthless so all I could do was wait and hope, as did many others.  I got 'picked up' in the depot by an ex-Marine who I had thought was a student and we fooled around together from 6:00 until midnight or so. It was really crazy. I could be a pussycat if I tried, believe it or not, because I 'turn on' a lot quicker than I used to. But I still do not like the taste of beer; so pub crawling was off. I then sat  for the rest of the night in the depot. Train #1 must have set a record for lateness . It got to Flag at 6:00 am. No one was there to put me aboard or see me off but I had lots of company. I ended up sitting with Alida Nichols who I had not known previously Her folks had moved from Prescott to Seattle recently and she had stayed at Flagstaff, already enrolled at NAU. She had never been on a long trip or even anywhere by train before so I got to enjoy playing the well-traveled sophisticate! It was a nice trip but I slept quite a lot after too many hours awake the last 36 or so. Got to Stockton about 8:00 pm and there was Charlie Mike with Aunts Grace and Roxie to meet me.  So far it is nice. I don't know how it will be for the whole two weeks but maybe it wil be okay. I want to relax because I need to in the worst way!

Dec 26, 1967 Tuesday

I've been here a week already. Christmas had done went and gone. It was quite a day. Those family dinners are a mob scene which I could readily do without but I am $20 richer and have a stack of aassorted goodies for my pains. Uncle Dan flew to Arizona last night and called us from Prescott. (I think he had a plane then and likely flew himself but am not sure,. I know he did at times.) I talked to The Boss briefly--seems Dan went on to Phoenix(?) The old man assured me whatever I had done with the horses was okay. Ruth repeated that same message to me later. Well duh, I thought. It damn well better be!! For sure he had really not done a single thing to work that all out since September 1. Thus I did my eldest daughter thing and acted mostly out of my love and care for the animals themselves with little concern for what he might say, think or do.  I felt I did well. Damn his worthless opinion!

We are supposed to go to San Francisco on Friday and to see Gone With the Wind on Sunday. I already got my hair fixed. It looked really cool at first and ise asier to take care of. I also got a darling suit. Now I need to get a blue one to exchnage with it. (Seems like it was maybe blue, yellow and red check or plaid?) I really do not have much to say--plenty of thoughts but they are too vague and complicated to write down. 

The rest of the time I covered briefly when I was back at Flagstaff so I will touch a few high spots here that I extracted from that first anuary entry. 

it was quite a vacation but I am tired now. Maybe it is a different sort of tiredness though. It was so hectic. I met Charlie Mike's girfriend Kathy, went shopping, watched TV on the new color set Dan had given to Roxie and the boys. I saw Chueck Connor's new show and I still like him as well as the old Rifleman days. He is now the "Cowboy in Africa". Cousin Steve had a motorcycle wreck--not serious-- and we went to see "Gone with the Wind" It was fantastic and I loved every minute of it. Then Mom and Alex came out on New Year's Day and yesterday Larry drove us to Stockton and I boarded #2 to head back east. 

A few photos: Aunt Grace and Aunt Roxie at Stockton Depot. A view of the wintery  Pacific near San Frlncisco and then  the back yard at Aunt Roxie's house. Finally Cousin Larry with Mom and Alex as they arrived from Kentucky. They were pretty travel worn, I know. I wish they could have waited a bit longer but...

  

So to jump to another small tale.  

I signed up on 23 and Me several years ago--2? 3? more? Anyway at that time I found I was mostly (95%) British/Celtc with Irish, Welsh and Anglo-English ancestry.

 They have since updated a bit and I acquired another small smidge of 'new' genetic backgroud. That thread traces to a very distant ancestor in North Africa who came across to the Iberian Penninsula and ended up being part of an offshoot of the Portugese which was closely kin to a quasi-Celtic enclave there and also related to the Basque folk who lived along the Spanish and French border from which many later migrated to North America. 

Many of these folks settled mostly in California and a bit in the southern Rockies and took up the trade of sheep herding, which they had done in Europe. My sole tie to these people goes much farther back and wove into the Irish Celtic people. That was long before there was a North America--at least known to the Europeans,  but that trace exists in my past and I am intrigued by it.

A couple of years ago I came across a portrait of a Portuguese woman that stopped me in my tracks. I could almost morph her itno my mother! The facial features were very similar. The Portuguese lady also wore tats and other markings that certainly seemed very "Celtic." I was like whoa, but now I do understand.  Perhaps I have a very, very distant cousin who resides in Portugal in a splinter group that tends toward rebellion against the ruling cadre... 

So below see first the Portuguese lady and then a picture of my mother in about 1985 and be as surprised as I was. 

Memoir Monday, Dec 15 1967

 And this week ended up being disrupted by weather, even oddly leading into events, not then known, that would have some significant impacts on my life.  Before it was over, I was all but out of town and of Arizona for the holiday, not rerturning until after the start of 1968. But here, things had briefly become calm and routine for a bit so my reports were very prosaic. I was still a bit scattered and shattered, though. Like I had almost dozed and woke up in a new world...`I was like woah!!

Dec 10, 1967  Sunday

So far it  has been a pretty nice weekend. the first peaceful one I have had in a racoon's age and I am making the most out of it. Yesterday the weather was nasty so I only went out long enough to make a quick trip to the PO. I got Charlie Mike's shirt finished except for the snaps and wrapped all the California Chirstmas gifts, helped a little on the dorm decorations, cleaned and rearranged my room and read about a short half of the material for government. I went to bed at 1:30 last night but took an afternoon nap to keep me going. 

This morning I slept 'til 10:15 . I was so shockd I could not beleive the clock.  I did my accounting asignment while I ate brunch and then went walking at noon I covered the railyard in an hour and a half carrying on a monolgoue with a non-existent and invisible Dusty as I went along. Got back to the dorm at 1:20 for the second half of my 'meal' and recorded all the numbers I had collcted for Charlie Mike. At 3:00 I decided to come to the library and here I plan to stay for four or five hours to study my DAPR for the exam tomorrow and get my accounting done for the week. By then I should be ready to go back to my little hole-in-the-wall and get beautified for the coming week--a major project? 

Dec 11, 1967 Monday

The DAPR exam is over, It was rough but I hope I did fairly well on it. Now for the govt exam on Friday.I  got two letters from Mom and one from Charlie Mike.  That helped as I was not feeing too good or cheerful,. This afternoon I went to the record shop, checked Mom's mail and confirmed my reservation. It will cost me $39.05 round trip which is not at all bad. I finished a letter to Mom and it's now 8:00 pm.  I am not anxious to,  but I had better redo that one problem for accounting and at least rough draft the marketing case for Wednesday. Then maybe I will write to Charlie Mike. 

Dec 12, 1967 Tuesday

I've studied nearly all day and now I am sort of floatng around in a daze. But I've read the major part of my goverment material. It is a cloudy cold night--17 they said a while back and supposed to snow. Coming back from the libray I was reminded of a night roughly two years ago when I caught a very later train...

I still cannot quite accept the fact that he is gone out of my life. Mostly I can but only on the surface. Down inside I still need to belong to him.-or him to me. But maybe I have chnged too much. I can't say. Sometimes  I feel a little bitter and angty but mostly it is just a sweet empty sorrow. It seems a litle unreal like everything in my past does and like the present also does. Reality isn't real; it isn't anything at all

Dece 13, 1967 Wed

And did it snow,. 7" at 7:00, 14" at 10:00, 24" at 5:00 and still sifting silently down. It is cold but beautiful . I almost love it. I don't know why I should feel so content and relaxed but I do.  I sat on the front desk during the first half of the "Invitational" I wore my blue satin skirt and the white blouse of sheer lace with a velvet ribbon holding my hair back. The effect was old-fashioned and maybe charming. I got lots of compliments. I always manage to be different. I sort of pride myself in it, realy. Later I walked out in the snow with Nancy and Robin. I can't race and puppy frolic but I do love it. It's never dark on a snowy night. Had it been this bad two years ago, Dusty and I would not have made it. Old 'Spinner could not break 2 1/2 feet of snow. Guess I should go to bed as it as is approachung midnight but I may not try too hard to make my 8:00 class tomorrow. Suddenly I am sleepy Missed a nap today. I did get Charlie Mike's shirt finished and wrapped so all the gifts are ready. I got his number books and put them in the lock box. All I have to pack now is my clothes.  Got notes from Mary and Kit Lewis today. Maybe I will hear from Mom tomorrow. I really hope we do not get let out. It wouid be best in the long run, but we may. 

Dec 15, 1967 Friday

Yuck. Another day of snow. I cannot believe this weather. No classes yesterday and again today. I want to leave but we may have classes and tests on Monday...So here I sit, bored.  I feel like a prisoner in a medieval fortress as I look out my window and see the wirling snow.  Everyone is half frantic that we will be stuck here for the holidays. That is cause for panic. However right now there is no easy way to get 7000 people out of here. The trains are running and some busses but way behind schedule. The highways aremostly losed or in very bad shape..  Maybe I should pack just in case we do get released soon. I want to be ready anytime. Lots of people are going to leave today but I do not dare yet. I may go uptown after awhile if it lets up a little and get some chow for the weekend and books to read. It is really nasty out now so I won't go yet. I think I'll just flop down and sleep awhile as I went to bed at12:000 and woke at 6:00. 

But they finally let school out at noon on Saturday!! It was almost a perfect parallell to 1964,  so much of it was a real deja vu. I will pick up the narrative next week with a review of the traveling weekend and the trip to start my slightly extended holiday.

Snowy photos.1 and 4 were printed in Trains Magazine at a later time--like 2020 or so--and show the Flagstaff depot then-for BNSF/Amtrak- and the rest of a train extending to the east. That view was familiar, with snow--from a number of times.  In the middle are two scenes--one is the view from my Campbell Hall room, the first one--imagine looking at that with ice cycles and blurs of snow. Then another view after a different storm when some had melted but  lots was still piled around.

Memoir Monday, Dec 8, 1967

This was the week I actually made the ultimate disposition of the main horses. I knew I had to so I went down Saturday, Dec 2  and managed it. That was a final big burden off my shoulders and I was satisfied with the result, truly sad but vastly relieved. 

I got back from my trip to visit Judy and had to jump right back into school and then that first weekend into the loose ends remaining after the departure of everyone else. 

Dec 3, 1967, Sunday

It has been so busy. Well, Leo as well as Buzzie now properly belong to Don and Nancy Shellman and Lyno to the Lewises. I had sort of dreading the business of finally really selling them--papers signed and all as it had been informal earlier--but yesterday it worked out fine.  Richie and Kit Lewis are so nice. I feel like I have known them for ages. They are so affectionate and all, just like a couple of kids "going steady" though they have been married quite awhile. Maybe I should wait until I am about 40 to get married!  Chief is in fairly good care for now and will be placed later. As of now, he is safe and secure as are Twinkles and CynMas. 

The time is whizzing by. I walked out to the El Rancho shopping center today. It was just a beautiful day and I got a fair start on my holiday shopping. I am making some clothes for Mom--a blouse and a dress. I'll try to get a skirt at Goodwill and/or some slacks. I have a radio and two books for Alex and a lockbox for Charlie Mike. I will get stationery for Mama Witt and Aunt Mary and find something for Papa Witt. Then I wil take care of the California folks. I slept from 10:20 to 8:30 last night, got up once to get excedrin for my aching tooth is all. I have to get them fixed. Maybe I should sew a litle. I can get a good start on Mom's dress, for example. The dark younger guy was driving the bus yesterday. He is even cuter than Nick and a joker, too. Louie was on coming back. Nick has the Black Canyon run now I think. Shall I got to Phoenix early--or return midafternoon? Oh yeah.

Dec 7, 1967  Thursday

I have hardly done a lick of school  work all week. I'll probably be sorry, too. Got my KY Package ready last night. Mom's dress and blouse came out cute. I do hope she likes them. I feel good to send everyone soemething anyway. I'm sure Mama Witt and Aunt Mary can use the stationery since they both do letters a lot. And I think they all will enjoy the candy even if it is not Russell Stovers or Mrs Sees. I've got my spring schedule all worked out and I will take my cards back to Dr Downum tomorrow. He is always so nice. I'll be taking seventeen hours all told, five business courses and report writing, And I have 8:00's every day again. I just have to. And a 2:00 MWF but I am done at 10:00 TTh. Since I am not leaving early most of the time anymore, the Friday afternoon really isn't critical. I am struggling along with the bus stop story; it is roughed thru but I am not real satisfied with it. However I think it will come around and be done to hand in on the 19th. This weekend I've got to sew and study and study some more. The time is really slipping away from me at a frantic pace. Only 1 1/2 weeks until vacation time. Tomorrow I have to mail the KY package and make my holiday reservation.

The rest of the week went by with classes and normal stuff. It was almost a treat to be simply normal after so much drama.  I was still missing Dusty and still feeling lonely and almost abandoned if I let myself think about it but the 'new life' was starting to seem more real and in many ways, a preferred situatiion to what had come before for much too long. 

It seems I was writing a story for a class, but Report Writing? Well, whatever. I was trying to do some short ficiton along about this time.  I did take a creative writing class too; one semester? Did I cross them up? Oh, whatever! I may share that story sometime before long. Still very amateur at this point.

 Pictures: This was the following year but Lyno, fat and sassy, and probably in foal at Lewis's place the next fall. She was run in a small local race or two and produced at least one foal though I am not sure who the sire was,. Not Leo for sure. I found one of Kit in that corral feeding a calf.  She was by now  a ranch-woman looking lady though actually from New Englan I think. He was an old cowboy and horseman of some  renown and had managed the Verde Valley School stable.