Monday Memoir March 24, 1967

Much of this week was the Easter Holiday and spring break so my notes were very sporadic but I will reconstruct what I can,.Wednesday March 22 I went 'home' for longer than I had been since the Christmas/New Years' break and I was more than a bit nervous. Not sure what but some incident had me flashing back to the prior year. It was also again about the time I lost Tina and then Little Dusty and the horrible summer that followed. I know this time it passed and not too drastic. But  I did not get back to Flagstaff until the late on the 28th, into the next week.. 

That being the case I will just pick up the weekend, March 18-19.   

March 18, Sat. Half a wild weekend, a wild day but nice? I got up about 8:00. It was overcast, semi- cloudy. I had a Sego for breakfast and read a little while. Then I walked up to Foodtown to buy a little grub for the weekend. After that I went over to the Campus Union. Antigone was already on stage so I got a seat. After awhile Jim and his charges appeared and I joined them. I always feel rather ill-at-ease with the kids. Wonder if they resent and do not appreciate my presence, but no matter. I was invited to eat lunch with them--every little bit of free food helps!--and then we talked in the lobby for awhile. While I was standing right behind Jim in the cafeteria line, I kept wanting to lean over and rest my head against the soft wooly jacket he wore. I knew how soft it is from holding it at Christmas--hard to believe it is wool.  Then I sat through the whole afternoon of plays at his side with no more intimate contact than arms occasionally touching. We certainly did not hold hands like some of the kids. Heck with being grown up and becoming inhibited! By then I developed a terrible splitting headache but I stayed to the bitter end and finally bid Jim adieu. He said I should give him a buzz over Easter. It was not the time to passionately plan a rendezvous in front of a bunch of overexcited teenagers. I staggered across to the dorm and fell into a near-coma on my bed.  I came to at 6:30 sweetly dreaming in my exhaustion to hear the carillon chimes play their evening melody.  (My, am I not poetic on a Saturday evening?) Mary came after awhile and we went for a walk in the misty twilight and had a snack at the Lumberjack. I had a cherry tart with ice cream atop it. Delicious! Back to the dorm and Carolyn (maybe Grenig, future roommate?) came in to talk for two hours  and then we heard the TV.  It was the "Student Prince"  with Mario Lanza. Had to watch the latter half of that and then they had The Wonderful Country based on Tom Lea's novel. I remembered how I cried over the book years ago,  so I stayed up until 1:00 to watch it. It followed the book fairly closely as I recall. Robert Mitchum and Julie London are not favorites of mine  but the black Arabian really came across as the hero-horse.  But he rang his tail too much, training issues I decided. What a day--and night. I was up for 17 hours with a two hour nap. Sunday I did very little for some reason!

March 20-22: The academic week was short and busy.  I got a 1 on my biology test and will find out on the practical perhaps tomorrow. The "Man and the Arts" test was kind of rough. I will probably get a 2 again. I hope no worse! Oddly we wrote themes on Antigone for English today and our due date for the big paper has been extended one week.  That was a big relief.  My packing for the holiday is mostly done. It is about 8:00 pm and I am tired. I guess I'm dreading the vacation but I should not get too bogged down in just six days. I'm enough tied up between Jim and Ray not to be very anxious about Dusty who will probably not be around that whole time anyway. I aim to have a good time with lots of riding and such. May as well enjoy it while I can, no? Because it will be a grind then until school is out. It has been and will be hectic. I just hope peace and quiet will remain while I'm home. If not I'll be unhappy Have to get Mom to fill out the form for financial aid,  after which my summer plans should iron out smooth. Actually things are going generally well.  I am still haunted by last summer. Maybe in time I will get over it but it plagues me no end. Thank heaven I've done well in school so far. That makes it a little better,  and assures I'll be allowed to stay and continue. It has become a commitment.

When Friday the 24th came I was in Clarkdale of course and no major issues had arisen.  As I wrote "They should not fuss about Dusty --not with Jim. And I won't worry about going out with him at all now. After they didn't even wait up for me that night,  it appears he is 'in' and I do like him.  I may try to get that card to Dusty--or not. I will always love him but will try not to choke him by clinging too hard. I've said that before but I think I mean it now and can actually do it. As long as he needs and wants me, I will be there for him and never break that as I promised so many months ago. But now I do have "other posts to climb on" if I must and a post (as in fence post or other support!) I have to have as I have stood alone too long. I guess I still need to have my 'romance fix' one way or another. It is an insidious addiction.

There were still four days to go, including Easter Sunday. I did not write any more journal entries until the 29th when I was back in the dorm. But I added a bit about the rest of the holiday then. By the next Friday, it was the end of March. 

Photos? Well really nothing very pertinent! So I will look around and try to find one or two to liven the lines of text.  Old Student Union--I guess it is still actually one of several. The auditorium (middle area) was where the high school drama competition took place. and the cafeteria, under the same roof, was on the far left side in this photo. Morton Hall/North Quad was right across the street off the left edge The color shot is not mine but shows "Old Clarkdale" probably about 1960 or so. It is very different there now. 

Facts and Issues on the Border

                                        A Bit of History about the Border Issues

        Until the Gadsden Purchase in 1854, the southern part of what is now Arizona was part of Mexico. Earlier most of Arizona, New Mexico, Texas and California were settled by the Spanish who either took over most of the land and/or intermarried with native people of the region. It was not all “Mexico” per se but essentially much the same. Until the early 1800s very few Northern Europeans had set foot much past the Mississippi River, if even that far west.

A bit about me here for other background. I earned both a BS and MA in History from NAU in 1969 and 1970. Mexico and the western US were a major focus of my studies under two well respected professors, Dr Guy Bensusan and Dr Larry McFarlane. I feel they taught me well and although this was some years ago, the basic historical facts have not changed in any major way. Attitudes may have changed but facts have not. I do not write from lack of knowledge on this subject.

As another aspect, I arrived in Arizona in January 1946 at about 33 months of age. I was an only child for my first 9 years and had little interaction with other children so I paid a lot of attention to the adults that came and went through my home. From about 5 or 6 I heard adults talking about what were then aspects of the interface between Mexican people and the “Anglos.” Jerome, where we lived, had a large Mexican community and at that time they were not permitted to work underground. By the 1960s this changed and many did become hard rock miners in Arizona's many large mines.Two Mexican families involved in that were next door neighbors in Clarkdale after we moved down there. It was the smelter town for the Jerome mines at that time.

Jumping ahead, I moved to Bisbee in 1970 after I had started work at Fort Huachuca and the next year married my newly widowed next door neighbor who by then was a city policeman in Bisbee but had worked in Yuma law enforcement for several years earlier. His beat was the barrio and slum area in Yuma and he  got to know many Mexican nationals who were working on farms under the Bracero “green card” program which functioned well for many years.  As with the mostly black transients, a hold over from the hoboes of the Depression era, he might arrest one for petty theft or drunk and disorderly occasionally and two or more years in a row,  they would usually have a different social security number and sometimes name. This is significant as I will explain later. It is unfortunate that this legal work program got entangled in other issues and ceased because it was reasonable and worked well. Yes, they sent home  Levi's and a few 30-30s in duffle bags and cheap footlockers bu tthey were not criminals nor gang members.

My brother Charlie put in 38 years with the railroads in Colorado, first with the Rio Grand and then with the Southern Pacific and finally Union Pacific as mergers occurred. Since about 28 of those years were in the maintenance field, he worked with a number of Mexicans, both citizens and non citizens. Again they had to get a social security number to work,  butmostly  came and went and did not keep just one card. 

In short,  people have gone back and forth from Mexico to the southwestern US for at least a couple of centuries. Many families are spread across the border and generally did not really notice there was a ‘line’. However that is not to say the Border was ever actually OPEN in the last 125 years. There were formal crossing stations and at least mostly a standard barb wire ranch type fence marked the border.  People were sometimes apprehended if they caused any problems, had no documents or proof of their citizenship and some were deported. This occurred with renewed vigor as a ‘political’ issue under several administrations, both Republican and Democratic. That is historically verifiable.

Although the border was not open, it was never really closed either and probably cannot really become closed..  It is not feasible to build a ‘wall’ from Texas's Gulf of Mexico shore to the Pacific coast of California. Much of the country is very rugged, remote desert and wilderness in many sections.  And practicality renders the current fragmented  wall of imperfect value. A good cutting torch or carbide blade can zip through those metal panels like wet paper and create any size gap desired. There are many cases where this is documented. Tunnels can be made under it and drones and small unmarked planes can slip over it as easily as a vulture or hawk. It is NOT impervious, whoever 'pays for' it!

So now here we are today. The Republicans saw a fine hobby horse  they could ride to popularity by telling many people who had no idea what the real situation was that this was a huge issue that must be dealt with at once, a critical threat to the nation and all citizens!! Your jobs were being stolen! Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security were siphoned off by billions to illegals! Tell me, how many regular citizens do you personally know who have lost jobs or cannot get one because an illegal person has been hired?  I’ll wait. How many younger citizens really want to work 12 hours in the fields for minimum wage at best on farms or equal time in a dairy farm, ranch or other agricultural operation?  And how many young ladies are lining up to clean motels and hospitals, to do house cleaning or care for children while parents are at work? To wash dishes or other menial chores in eateries? And how come the construction industry is spending large amounts on trade schools and apprenticeships to try to convince our young people to become plumbers, carpenters, electricians, roofers  etc. since they are literally begging for employees? We have a housing crisis,or so we are told, and many are homeless because there are not enough smaller or midsized homes available.  Let’s get real.

Back to the billions stolen from programs to support and assist everyone. It is illegal and almost impossible for a non-citizen to access Medicare/Medicaid. They do check IDs. Believe it.  The aliens who got those one-time social security cards will never draw what they and their employers paid in because they did not keep an account long enough to even get invested, much less to have a way to access the system. If any have managed to squeak through,  they would not number in the thousands and the funds they got would hardly break anyone’s bank. How about all those FEMA dollars going to provide all sorts of services to those hoards of invaders? Again, although in major disaster areas everyone’s ID might not be checked, but widespread distribution in areas not officially declared a disaster simply does not happen.  A lot of people have been conned, lied to and mislead in this whole scenario. Many do not know. Mr Musk surely does not know and I suspect Mr Trump does not either. If they even care to find out... One reason many  cities have been screaming the blues about the 'invaders' is that the efederal government never coughed up many funds  funds to help house and care for them whether they were 'welcomned or not.  Was it the states' problem or just whose? 

Admittedly due to advocacy by unknown individuals/organizations who went into many regions and encouraged or almost insisted people to migrate from Mexico, Central and South America and even Africa and Asia, a considerable tide of people came and where the wall did not exist or in remote areas they poured in. However, the border was not “Open” or ignored. Many arrests were made and many people were deported since 2000 or earlier  on a continuous basis.  Trying to process this rush of people did create a large problem and the Border Patrol and immigration officers were overwhelmed and got inadequate funds from the governments to do what they were trying to do. But looking back to 2000 or earlier , it was NEVER a “Democrat” or a “Republican” problem. Administrations of both struggled and floundered and tried to change with limited or almost no results. It has been ongoing since at least about 1965  and nobody has made a real serious effort to fix it. I doubt that they ever  will. The Republicans like a source of ‘cheap’ labor where they can ignore various protections and limits for workers mostly afraid to complain lest they be deported and the Democrats perhaps do want to be able to collect and quickly citizen-ize a bunch of people who will then  be indebted to them. With so much to gain, why fix it, really???  It is not really broken to them except in fictitious campaign promises. 

So today we have this huge effort to collect and  deport--and that includes any inconvenient souls who happen to get noticed or be in the way--or even  are needed to fill an ICE quota. It has now come to people simply vanishing and not only Latino or Islamic origin hoodlums, terrorists and gang members but in particular women  from Canada, Germany and other European countries who simply vanish without a clue or a trace and cannot be located. Are they imprisoned? Being trafficked? And of course any 'different' or difficult people such as trans, gays or overly vocal protesters.  It is just a matter of time until we will have an international incident because the wrong person had been taken away, one who creates a massive problem. This is in the news almost daily, maybe not on Faux Fox but Associated |Press and elsewhere. It is FACTUAL.  I don’t know about everyone else but I am seeing a hell of a lot wrong with this picture!  And I am sick and tired of the lies and half-truths, twisted facts and total bullshit. This is NOT making America ‘great’ again. Internationally we are seen as lower than most Banana Republics and third world 'shit hole countries.' 

Monday Memoir March 17, 1967

 Winter does not leave the high country with out a few false starts but spring edges closer. Down in the valley it would be windy and sometimes chilly but winter was all but gone. 

March 17, 1967

Would you believe Friday and St Patrick's Day too?  The practical wasn't bad really but I don't know if I did too well. I had to miss the Sycamore Hearing. (That was a public meeting about making it a wilderness area, I think. Not sure why I missed but some class related conflict. ) Yesterday midday Ray the infamous forester looked at me all thru the line accusingly as if to say "You didn't come!"  Though I'd  wanted to, it was not doable.  It was also none of his business! I changed a big stack of books at the library and went on with my day. I cleaned the whole room on Wednesday after lab. Last night  we had a gabfest in the room til about 7:40 and then I had to study hard until 11:00. I got my accounting assignment  done and then all my biology notes arranged . I want to do good on this test and get a little bit ahead. Well, I am wearing green today for luck. Don't suppose Dusty will call or be here this weekend but I'll see Jim tomorrow and likely we'll get together over Easter. Can't get too enthused about it but it is fun in a way.  I almost wish I could switch Dusty and Ray--it would be groovy-cool to have my extra special one right here with me to lie in the grass and walk to class, to eat each meal and know it's 'real' but that sort of 'lucky in love' is not to be mine.

So that was Friday. Now I slip back to the prior weekend, Mar 11-12, for what it was worth. Actually rather a whirlwind. After the drive down Friday afternoon, Charlie Mike warned me so I really worked on staying 'good people' and directed attention away from B&B 6 which I guess they had finally realized was back in town. I spoke of Ray and Jim often and I figure did a pretty good job there. The Boss had met one of Ray's buds at the library and even seen him too so the foresters were almost as cool as teachers! I took the phonograph and records down to leave until after Easter. Saturday we rode and saw the local in. I had a note for Dusty that I wanted to deliver but didn't get to. I was barely ready in my purple wool when the Green Hornet rolled in. I actually felt fairly easy with Jim and it was an enjoyable evening. Antigone was very good. Candy Adams really gave it her all. After the show we went to the 10-12 and later the Steak House with Jerry Vojnic and Ellen Hill. Now I have really been to a cocktail lounge. LOL! The patrons were dancing and making merry. I slipped into the house and tumbled into bed at 2:30 but was out and about by 8:00. We rode most of the afternoon and the Boss took a bunch of pictures supposedly for the case. Twink sat back on a cut bank over in Bitter Creek and nearly spilled me several times but Chief was pretty slick and handled it. He's a good old horse. 

An explain or two. The purple wool was another dress I got at Good Will--jersey, long sleeved and fitted bodice with a gored swinging skirt. Loved it and the color! And it was odd to come home that late to find everyone asleep. No waiting up for me!! I was learning how to party half the night and still function the next day--good college drill?

I still think it is neat to be treated like a fine lady. I can't understand why Jim never tries to kiss me or anything. Either he is shy or just does not want to.  I can't quite figure it out. Well,  no matter. He is useful, diverting and I like to laugh in their faces that way! I barely made the bus Sunday night as we were  playing records and talking. Maureen was there Saturday night with Stan (her step-father; so not sure what that was about! Was Joleen in the play?) and spoke to me real friendly. That was something of a surprise.  Now back in the dorm, we have an meeting at 11:00 so I can't go to bed yet although I am really tired.

Then back to the academic routine. By Wednesday I complained the weather had not been too good but I had been conscientious about my studies. I spent Tuesday morning in the library  and that evening finally went to Spurs, the sophomore honor sorority. It might be interesting but it is expensive and I obviously could not be in it and the Honor Dorm as I kind of want to. Actually I really want to stay with Mary if possible.  So off to biology lab now and dig in. That confounded biology lab practical is tonight and I am bugged about it.

This weekend I was staying in Flag again and mostly focused on midterms and other scholarly business. In a way that's good.  But there was a distraction on Saturday, wasn't there? So that will come next time.

For photos,  I'll skip green hornet this time. I have used some photos from that session on March 11 which I described but I think not these. I really cannot get a fix on what we were supposed to be demonstrating. They served nothing really as the film was not processed until Alex did it at EAJC when he'd started college the spring after Dad had passed. I finally ID'd all the critters, too. First, I was leading Twinkles with Chief (he was her sire). Again same and Charlie Mike is holding Leo who I had been leading. I think he was riding Lyno, not shown here but in the final pic. Third photo, again Chief and Twinkles and behind the bushes you can barely see part of B&B 6  which we were studiously ignoring! The last shot, used before, was about 50 yards downstream or east from where the others were posed.

Monday Memoir March 10, 1967

 In many ways the time was just wheeling by, day after day after week... It would soon be spring and then summer again but very different than the one a year ago. In 1966 I was hoping and dreading and wanting but very unsure it could happen. Now I would have a whole year of a different life in the history file and by the end of it, so much more of the change was over and done. Then there was absolutely no going back, ever. 

I left off the previous week starting another weekend on Campus. This time  that was not going to be. 

March 10, 1967
I got the refund from Random House on the wrong Santa Fe book. No longer existing on pop bottles for spending money, I still pinched the pennies quite a bit. It was like found money--$2.50 I think.   I met the Boss at the library at 3:00 and headed down to the valley. I am such good people now,laughing up my sleeve at that fact. It could be shattered easily by one slip or error but still... enjoy while it lasts and not be as tense as I once was. Escape is still at hand. Supposedly the family's legal case  (I won't say 'our' as I divorced that connection!)  is in a federal court now and going forward very well?? Really do not want to know except if it makes the boys lives better and maybe mom's.. Anyway after three weeks away I was going 'home' and hoped it would pass quickly and smoothly.

So now back to the prior weekend. 

March 4 and 5: Saturday was cold and  windy but I spent awhile outdoors and got a bunch of RR car numbers. Got washing and and ironing done and my hair. I went to see "Enter Laughing" put on by the NAU Drama Department. It was a broad comedy, pretty funny and their scenery was well done. When I got back to the room I talked Mary into dressing again and we went to Chez Bon for coffee and cake and finally back to bed. Then it was Sunday. I loafed, watching a a tree full of robins outside my window and thinking how slow time passes when you are waiting. I then got up, bundled up and went out, hoping to make the time pass faster.  I could go hike the rail yard or maybe to the PO to get stamps from the machine. Back,I fretted until 7:00 or so and then began to get discouraged and disgusted so went to the TV room and watched odds and ends. Finally the phone rang, later than I had hoped or expected but very soon I was back in my coat and out to climb into the Little Bluebird. This time with weekend hours there was enough time and we made the most of every bit of it. Now it will be awhile with work problems and all but I guess I'll survive. 

Monday came again. I had to laugh at myself when I realized I had initially wanted to come to NAU so I would be able to see Dusty. That had worked out mostly well enough. And I had even done a fair job of other things. I am hanging in there, by golly. I will not drop  below a 1.5 average. I won't! I had the usual 'day after' let down but managed to get through it all right. The days go by as they will with classes and quizzes and papers turned in and a little fun here and there.

All at once it was March 9. I finally got the accounting test back with a 77 (2) but I still have a 1 on points. I have got a few necessary things done. Can't brag but have shed the laziness some. Mary and I went to the opera workshop last night. I have skipped Rodeo Club twice now but can't care much. I have managed to keep going with a cold and to keep out of the path of that darn forester. It will be a small jolt to go back 'home' after three weeks, but I won't have much time. I hope it will be riding weather anyway. I was kind of anxious or dreading seeing Jim M again after several weeks but that was ridiculous. The Mingus Drama class is going to do his Antigone; he is very proud of that effort and a bit anxious too, I think. It is still strange to slide back and forth between or among so many different :"lives'" and be the right person for each environment. Is 'real life' like that? I never really lived 'real' before.

Any explains needed? Of course the Boss's legal maneuvers went on, up and down, now very badly and then with a ray or two of hope and enthusiasm. I hated all that stuff and had distanced myself from it as much as I could. They still had the last few horses and Charlie Mike was still doing most of the caring for them. He was not nearly as attached to them as I was but he was conscientious and gave them the best he could. I had taught him quite a bit of how and what to do. Now he complains that the old man really hardly ever taught him anything, which was so wrong. I cannot understand why but I was the neuter (trans?)  girl-boy and got most of that for 10 or 12 years. Antigone was the play Jim had written based on the ancient Greek mythical tale and had been important to him almost all the time we were sort of keeping company. It was mildly bowlderized to be presented by teenagers but basically true to the original..

Pictures? Nothing new. The Blue VW and the familiar buildings of NAU--all of which have appeared before. Oh well. Must have some pictures to sooth the text dump. Okay that little blue bug, Jim M and then Dusty a few years earlier.  The two men were so very different except for some shared Celtic ancestry. And the main NE entry for North Quad; I would meet the Bluebird at that curb.

Memoir Monday March 3, 1967

Another rather jumbled week, edging toward the middle of my second semester as an NAU coed.  Still bouncing back and forth but this one I stayed on campus. 

March 3, 1967

One day closer to Sunday. I got a lot of mail, letters from the Boss, Charlie Mike, Mama Witt and Judy. I thought The Boss would be up or else they'd call but no such. I finished Stewart Udall's book and did quite a bit of homework in the evening and got some letters written. Dr McFarlane really liked my report and wants me to enter some contest with it. I may join some honorary club, too. It all sounds nice, I'll find out more next week. Charlie Mike says Twyla is coming to Arizona to stay with her sister and brother in law. He was sure thrilled.

Now back to the previous weekend. It was mostly a stay at the dorm and be kind of bored time. I was hoping Dusty would call but no such luck. I got my report done, ironed clothes, read a couple of books and watched the rail while I soaked up sunshine and fought the wind. It was starting to be spring  and in Arizona that usually means wind. I was a little concerned about the forestry guy because I ran into him too frequently in the cafeteria and  he was even making a bit of conversation at times, very prosaic but I had to wonder. I did not want to go there or get involved but at times when I was discontented or lonely I had to wonder a little. Had not heard much from Jim M for awhile either. I mentioned that my hair had come out a gorgeous color and did not look to fake. I kept playing around with hues not too far from my natural shade but brighter or blonder or even redder. It was getting longer, too and I wore it a lot in a braid or pony tail or pinned up. 

Monday I had to skip lunch, at least until late,  to go to the bank and get out $25 to send the folks. Maybe I'll be late for History but I need to eat! A few more pounds and I'll look like a European film star Ha ha. If I had Mary's bosom or she had my waist ...oh well. She brought me fried chicken twice today from the cafeteria. I loe that gal. She is such a useful roommate! 

By Monday afternoon I was siting in the room at 7:45 working on another report and listening to two newer records. I had just drunk a 7Up. Mary was at the library. That day the sorority girls all dressed up and finished  moving out. Candy, JoAnn Armstrong, Jan and Kristen have all been accepted and starting moving over the weekend. I said I would not join a sorority if they paid me except possibly the Spurs, a women's honorary for sophomores. I sent the money to the folks and hoped it got there in time I could not do any more. 

Tuesday I fretted and wondered why Dusty had not called. It was harder in a way to know no letters at this time. I decided to sketch the forester and got my sketch pad after dinner and went back to the CU lobby. Joann Kendall came by and we talked for awhile. When he walked out with a couple of other foresters, they all got into a blue VW but it had California plates. Gave me a turn for an instant!

Then it was March.. You can never tell about a Wednesday I said.The Bio lab was okay. I only missed one on the quiz. The accounting test was a booger. I didn't quite finish it,. After lunch turned in my special report in at History and gave Dr McFarlane my reference papers. There was a pre-law meeting and Peggy W's new fiance was there. Kind of a doofus IMO! Took a short walk before supper and went to Rodeo Club.  Back in the room, minutes ticked by and I was reading when I had a phone call. Dusty, of course. It was late so I only had an hour and that was not enough time. It was not very satisfactory to either of us and I finally I said I can't, I figured he'd be peeved but he wasn't; he only apologized for trying to rush things. He then planned to come back on Sunday evening.. His attitude was very reassuring.

I wrote him on Thursday trying to explain and apologize. Classes were not much but I enjoyed writing my English theme and worked on History projects some. Linda, Mary and I went to dinner  and then Mary and I went to the library. I got seven books to start on my main research paper. on conservation with Roosevelt and Pinchot.  One day closer to Sunday as Friday, March 3 dawned bright.

No real explaining needed. I do not think.  As proof of still being caught in the enmeshed family, I always tried to send the folks some money when they pleaded and --yes, whined.  I justified to myself that I did it for 'my' horses that never actually were mine and certainly not by now. By this time I owned nothing, as if I ever had.  Might mention Twyla was the railroad girl he had met in 8th grade whose dad operated a big crane for ATSF. I also worried about the boys as I knew Charlie Mike was absolutely not happy. He was as sophomore and basically had very little social life as patterns repeated. Alex was always a bit different though he too is a Taurus and clearly very bright but not a people person even at eight years old. Possibly borderline Autism? I really had few chances to get to know him as a person or young adult for many years

Pictures? Should I or do I have too? There is not much to draw from right at that time. Maybe one or two max? Okay--North Quad, main door, would meet the Bluebird and its driver  near that curb. Then a slightly older view of one of my hair colors. Near this time--like the next week or two--in Clarkdale with Chief and Leo. for some photos the Boss wanted. The film was developed by Alex at EAJC in 1990 or so, thus poor quality.
 

Memoir Monday, Feb 24, 1967

 

Deeper now into the second semester, I was still Roman Riding the two main aspects of my life and almost developing a split personality to fit whichever environment I was presently in. That may sound crazy but to a degree it was a survival mechanism I created as I moved deeper into the academic world while still keeping a foot in the old life and all it entailed. I suppose some of that still lives in my inner self.It often feels like more than one entity resides in my body and brain.

Feb 24, 1967

Lacking a specific day entry,  I will again start with the weekend, Feb 18-19. Saturday I got a short ride on Chief and then helped with fixing the bumper and trailer hitch (I think on the big truck).  Anyway that took a lot of welding.. some cussing and fussing... Charlie Mike and I took a dusk hour walk and I slipped a note under the back door of one gray former boxcar over on the outfit track. No one was around. We had Mom's birthday dinner that evening. Apparently it was almost uncharacteristically calm and quiet for I related no issues. The next day we went up to the mountain and got a huge load of wood, mostly fire wood. I worked myself into the ground while wishing I had a partner who would enjoy being out on a nice late winter day and not mind some real work. No names, just a faceless but cool guy...in a way the imaginary "Kevin" or other dream SO of earlier days.

Yes, Dusty would fit but  he was not there. Jim M would never fit of course; he is sort of a "Big Daddy Confessor" figure--which sounds silly but we do have a few things in common and he is older than me though not so much... I don't really know what about him, but he hasn't got 'it' for me nor do I for him, I am pretty sure. Which is a kind of safety net, too. At least he is "acceptable" to the parents, oddly enough. Well, teaching is a much more 'honorable' or genteel profession than being a mere railroad man, no? Dad sneers at that so much and even Mom,  using it almost as a cuss word, yet they both were raised on railroad pay including being sent to college! And what have they done with any of it, really? Do they seek to live over in me or try to? I really do not understand. Basically my being valedictorian and now making honor roll grades are about the only things I have done that seem to get real approval from them. Occasionally a bit of art or writing perhaps, like patting a child for a gold star--not big but 'nice'.

I probably took the bus back, though I did  not say, but I was back on campus Monday morning, Feb 21. I finally started my Nez Perce-Appaloosa paper.( This was an extra credit semi-term paper for History and was a passion-project to me)  I'm still not studying like I should but I am trying which is more than I was doing for awhile. By later in the week I had become more conscientious. I spent six hours in the library on Wednesday and the next evening went down again with Mary. 

Again I spent the weekend on campus which belongs to the next post! Really at times this life was about as opposite of exciting as one could get. I should have enjoyed it more, I suppose. It was hard to 'act like' a coed most of the time being older and having had so many other experiences by then. It was still so very different from the cowboy girl years, which could often be very routine and dully repetitive too.  But that was still totally different--or this was,  and it was still hard to skip back and forth between them. Looking back decades later, I recognize both were significant and still form much of the foundation of who and what I am.

Some photos, not mine but some I collected to use in the big memoir book project.where I lacked my own scenes. First is a typical Continental Trailways bus much like I rode up to and occasionally down from Flagstaff for four years.  Greyhound and Trailways had different routes set by certain rules and agreements, a different kind of tariffs. Next is Cottonwood's old main street. The bus station was at Lillian's--does it still exist?-- a very good ice cream, coffee and baked goodies place then but this shot is in late 50s, a little bit earlier  than the time I cover. Finally near where Beaver St intersected the then main drag of Flagstaff. The two bus stations were across the street behind the train in this picture. Beaver was the main street going directly down to campus at that time. There have been many changes in the 56-60 elapsed years. 

  

Monday Memoir, Feb 17, 1967

A weekend 'home' and then another one back, after which I broke my intention and went down to the valley again. I had a hard time tearing free from the enmeshed family habit and all that included and meant. It took a cataclysmic change to finally make the ultimate break happen--but there were several months to go yet since that was Aug-Sep of this year. 

Feb 17, 1967

Eve's curse hit me midday. I didn't suffer too bad, lucky for once. Went to my three classes and the Boss arrived at 2:00 to take me 'home.' I got the "new" $50 out of the bank etc. and we were off. I searched the road for small blue "Bugs"   but saw none. We got to Clarkdale about 5:45 or 6:00. 

Clearly an uneventful Friday so I go back to pick up the 11th and 12th and the rest of the week.The first two days, I spent a fairly nice weekend down home. Rode Leo and Chief, lazed in the sun, fixed the turquoise and white print skirt, and read the QHJ  and Appy News. I made the trip back to Flag on the bus and showered and washed and braided my hair since we had to stay up 'til 11:00 for a hall meeting. Will probably go home next weekend again and then plan to stay here awhile and maybe have some more good times.  

Explaining--QHJ was Quarter Horse Journal  and Appy News, the magazine of the Appaloosa registry. Both breeds and horses in general were still a significant part of my life and remained so to some degree for a number of years. I moved into other interests over time but even today I still have a twinge of regret at times for leaving this part of my past so far behind and for so long. It was collateral damage to my life style as it played out. And I guess I used that $50 to help Buzzie and maybe the studs with some needed better quality feed like pellets. Charlie Mike would feed them for me. 

Feb 14 was Mary's birthday as well as Valentine's Day. I got one from Jim signed "love" would you believe? I cannot take that very seriously though. Not much else thrilling except I got a $100 check from Uncle Dan. I put $50 in the bank, $25 in my 'safe' place here and spent most of the rest. I got a Ventures record and some clothes. I really have way more clothes than I need now. I'll have to discard some soon. That was always kind of hard, but there were some I no longer or even never really liked.

The next day I thought I did pretty well on the accounting test and got a 2 on my first theme in English for this semester with a different instructor.We began dissecting piglets for biology but it was not too gross. I have my future program all planned--a Social Science (History mostly) major and Accounting minor. I have a feeling what I truly want to do is going to come to me soon.  So far it is mostly playing by ear. I skipped the Rodeo Club and ironed with Mary's new iron which works very well.

 I heard from Aunt Ruth and knew I had a box coming from California with See's Candy and some other stuff. I nearly ran whack into Ray (the forester) at  lunch. I had better watch where I am going. The next day  I was studious and worked on Accounting for an hour and a half. getting Friday's and Monday's work done.  Later worked on history for a good hour and  then wrote a theme for English. After dinner went to the library with Mary, poked around and read a short novel quickly. At times the routine seems so dull and even pointless but in many ways it is easier than I ever expected. College always seemed so elevated and almost an impossible dream. (Yet there I was, rockin ' it, to lapse into the slang of many years later.)  Once the first semester was over, I no longer had a great insecurity about making good grades or even excellent ones and got a sense of how much time I had to a invest or apply to get projects done in time and adequate quality. Maybe it was too easy? Compared to the cowboy girl years, I suppose I did get 'lazy' in some ways. 

Photos are not relevant really.  I did not take too many at Flag once the new wore off and life became pretty routine. The days spent back at the old ranch were the same. I did my cowboy girl stuff on a smaller scale with nothing like as many critters and tried to help Charlie Mike as much as I could now, with him having to deal with a much greater crapola load as the main man and not just a key helper. So anything I put in will duplicate of past  just to decorate the\blank text: two of Charlie Mike and me riding, probably about March 1967 and one shot of snow in Flagstaff from a second story in North Quad that same time.