Monday Memoir July 31, 1965

 This was "the day after" and of course it did not go at all as I had intended or expected. Things never do because life is not a fairy tale or a pretty technicolor dream. But my relief was huge, like offloading a 150 pound pack of worry and anxiety, at least for a little while.

July 31, 1965 Sat

This was a busy but uneventful day.  I got up early and we hiked a little after doing the chores.  Just to look at tracks etc. We rode out after doctoring Ginger. No excitement. I rode Pat while Charlie Mike led Wowie. We checked the gondola by the depot and it is full of …timbers! I drove to Cottonwood to get grain and worm smear with Mom. The big blue Ford is parked by Fuqua’s Texaco. It seems to have a new door. Saw Garvin’s truck twice. I rode out at noon and was disappointed. Napped away most of the afternoon and wrote up the latest chapter of the Unfinished Story. We took Chief out and got all our PM chores  done fairly early. After supper Charlie Mike and I walked and talked as usual. I’m rather worried about Dusty. He has had more problems lately and they are sitting pretty heavy on him. How I’d like to lighten his burden, kiss that bruised eye and smooth the troubles out of his face. I can still taste the sweat, dust, creosote and tobacco flavor of my latest kiss. When I look at his picture I can hardly believe that those widely smiling lips have curved against mine and those brown long fingered hands have touched me. He may be ugly by lots of standards but so very vitally alive and real and so much like us in many ways but just enough different. And my love for him just spills over. So I impulsively reached out to him, pressed his hand to my face and then leaned down to kiss him in broad daylight. It seemed absolutely natural and right. I was not embarrassed or shy. Now I have to live for tomorrow.

This was a Saturday so it was a couple of tomorrows to live through.  Meanwhile life and work went on essentially unchanged. Worm smear was a thick pasty goop like tar that would cover a wound and seal out any more flies from laying eggs to become screw worms.  Apparently no mares seemed to be in season so the evening chores went fairly quickly and easily. 

The Unfinished Story was the separate journal or narrative I had begun to document the relationship as it developed starting almost a year previously.  I would not have forgotten much of it anyway but had saved that notebook. It did help with my memoir and my separate tale that became part of my Addicted  to Romance Memoir Book 2.  I need to remind readers that I might have been 22 but was still so very inexperienced and all of this was new to me and not always easy nor entered with confidence and sureness--except I was positive I was in love. 

I really have no new or suitable added photos. Horses are not germane here at this day and hour and the moment's cloud nine feel is not illustrate-able. Yet just plain text is so dull as even Alice in Wonderland observed or maybe some other childhood book's heroine. Old brain cannot quite dredge that up. Heck, I'll just be vain and use pix  me from along about this time. Just to have a picture though. So two--not new for sure. I made that shirt that summer and may have already mentioned it; if not it was in August. I know I  made the dress in July as I was impatiently waiting and had every intention to show it off to Dusty. He had hardly seen me in anything but grungy work clothes but that changed a bit over the next two months. We did not actually "go out" as I was not trying to rub the folks' noses in it and would have been forbidden if not actually locked up!! But we managed to share quite a few evenings and I mostly kept the 10:00 curfew!  My life was still so very out-of-step with the times. 

h!!

Extra "Bridge" Post: 30 July 1965

 

July 30, 1965  Friday

This was a surprising day when the start of a new pathway began to take shape in my world and for me. All that will follow for several weeks would hardly make sense without knowledge of this day's events so I make an extra entry...

July 30, 1965

Got up just a little late and spent a very busy and confused day. Fed and wired rails ‘til about 7:45. We rode out and did the chores as usual and brought Pat home. I went to Cottonwood with Mom and then rode my little roan. He was a little willful but got a good workout.  Then I led Leo and rode out to return Pat and do my noon chores. Took my camera but only got a photo of Ruby. I spent the afternoon watching the weather and writing Shirl. I walked to town to mail the Boss’s letters. We had to drive to the pasture because of the lightning but it cleared. Ginger had an awful hole in her hock full of screw worms so I rode her home bareback. She did fine. Thank God I came by the river!! I saw some heart-stopping familiar tracks and then by the log a guy who seemed a stranger at first as always. He wore dirty Levi's, a light blue tee shirt with his cowboy hat and had a pair of binoculars . We talked for only the briefest minutes, both tired and hardly making sense. He had a fight and may lose his job. He has a scar under his right eyebrow to prove it. He has a man in the hospital now so should be here tomorrow. We exchanged our medals and when I was ready to go I held my hand out to him and he took it. I pressed my face against it, dirt and all. Then he took his cigar out of his mouth and stepped closer to me. I leaned down and we kissed quickly. Once again it’s a blur. I felt the rough stubble of a beard in contrast to smooth cool lips and tasted cigar ashes-ugh! Maybe the third time will be the charm. Hurried on home and worked on Ginger for a long while. Saw him finally come up the river road. We were very late getting the chores done so missed our friend when we checked. Probably he will spend the night at Garvin’s or camp out but I think we will see him tomorrow. This whole day is a fuzz of unreality for me.  When I saw those tracks I was so surprised. I really didn’t think he’d come, yet something made me go down the river instead of home by the road. And that’s one thing I don’t regret. Moonspinner looks different, darker gray than I though and is it light blue or green? Maybe I am colorblind. So now I am 22 and twice kissed but really I am responsible for both. I don’t quite like that. I am glad to have the other medal. He has had it since January. It’s been many miles. Now I have him to worry about too. I hope we can spend quite a lot of time together tomorrow and that there will be a game and he’ll be here tomorrow evening. I have so much to catch up on. Really I’m about to flip. I really didn’t think he’d come --I wanted it too much.

Up until late in the afternoon it had been a typical and mostly uneventful day. I had been riding Patrick for about three or four days and he was doing just as well as Ginger had. We had driven out that evening as I say here and found Ginger's injury. She had probably run into something, maybe chased by one of the older mares or a mule, and made a puncture wound in her hind leg. In the summer, screw worms will grow quickly once a wound starts to fester. There was no big blow up over this (amazing?)  but we had to get her home to doctor her. I made a rough bridle with a lead rope and hopped on her bareback. The rest, I guess one might say, is history. B&B 6 was finally going to come back. The actual move of the outfit was in the coming week, I believe Tuesday, Aug 3 or so.

A picture or two just 'cause. First "Moonspinner", the now familiar Plymouth wagon,  parked just where it was that evening. Then Dusty, a picture actually taken several weeks later, as this evening he had on a light blue t-shirt instead of the Wrangler work shirt but he did have his binoculars as he had been looking for me.

Monday Memoir, July 24, 1965

July was a "hot" time in 1965 if my reactions and memories can be trusted.  Some weather and a lot of life.  I guess 'stressed out' is mostly putting my mental state mildly. I think I have covered the 'why' I did not just bug out though that seems like a most logical course of action at many point during this complicated and troubled summer. But I did not...  Maybe that was fated; I may never know.

Jul 24, 1965 Sat

Got up about the usual hour and fed. Then got started restacking the pipe etc. Why I did that I can’t say. I’m always doing silly things. We got started talking and it was 10:30 before we left for the pasture. Damn, that is really about the limit.  No mail for me still. Brought Ginger home and finished the pipe. Got the midday chores done at 2:30 just in time to miss the little shower. I’d though it would rain hard today but it didn’t. You never can tell. I rested the afternoon away. Charlie Mike rode Ginger out and I led Chief. Jolly seemed to be in; I hope she hasn’t gotten fouled up. The situation has been pretty tight around here today . I sure would like to pull out…  Had very little supper. Charlie Mike and I went to a ball game. I hadn’t wanted to but was glad we did. We sat on Jim Blevin’s truck. He hit a triple, walked and hit a fly that was caught. The score was 5-3 for the VV team. Saw Johnny Garvin’s truck go by--over to the depot, bridge or ? and  later back. I think there were two people in it but don’t know. I’ll still be watt-ching tomorrow for sure. But probably to no avail.  So be it. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day than today anyway. Too many of these and I’d just purely have to leave or go berserk. Dusty, don’t you know I need you??

I always wanted to get an early start to do first the home feeding etc and then go to the pasture to take care of that but so often it did not work out. I admit I got pretty ticked off about the delays which I felt were not necessary and probably was often not very nice! I did try not to take my peeve out on the animals or on Charlie Mike as he was usually right there with me. I am trying to picture what pipe needed to be stacked--it was in the 'shop' yard for sure but beyond that I cannot see it. More of the almost continual clean up and organize efforts anyway. 

No use to belabor the "talks" matter as I have covered it often. It seldom happened but if I could grab breakfast and get out before Dad was up and about I would be home free but that was seldom. Prisoners at the table where we ate all meals in the kitchen, once he launched into the current instructions, complaint, diatribe or allegedly "encouraging"' words you could expect at least an hour, often more. At times it would have felt so good just to scream STFU as loudly as I could; I am sure Charlie Mike  thought it often but we were not quite that daring.  We knew not to wave red at an unruly bull!!

I was still riding Ginger almost daily but was just a day or two away from starting Patrick. I was satisfied Ginger was well broke with a good start on being trained so it was time to give her a rest. She was trustworthy enough to let Charlie Mike ride her going along with me and controlling her himself.  Jolly was the gray Quarter Horse mare that strongly resembled Leo, the young stallion we had got at the same time. She was now three and about 15 hands high and muscled out well. I would have liked to start working on her too but that never happened. She was one of two who we had  taken to New Mexico the prior fall supposedly to be bred to one of the man's QH/Appy studs but they both came back in the spring. I never knew if they were bred or not.  Apparently not, or if so, she had likely miscarried the foal.

Charlie Mike and I were still getting out in the evenings and went to any ball games that were happening up at the old grade school. Jim Blevins was a neighbor and I think the current husband or boyfriend of the mother of some younger kids we knew. Beyond that memory is vague! Apparently he had a good night for the local team that time. We also saw Johnny Garvin, who as I have said previously, was one of the crew on B&B 6.  He lived in Cottonwood and was usually home on weekends. Having not heard from Dusty for close to a month, I was getting anxious and concerned. Were they going to get back to Clarkdale or not? May 31 was now many weeks past and though special, that brief evening was the only time I had seen him since January. 

Photos, probably not new and certainly not exciting!  First Jolly. Her registered name was Jolly Babe and she was of Joe Reed linage.  This was probably just after she had come home in spring 1965, a bit banged up. Next is Charlie Mike with Ginger. He hated his hair skinned off that way but got it cut often whether he wanted to or not. And last is Patrick, a shot I am sure I have used before. He was a good looking horse though and I really liked him, enough that I had given up Bravo, Tina's first colt, to have him be mine.

Monday Memoir, July 17, 1965

Mid July and monsoon in progress although we did not use that term then. It was simply summer rains. Seems that 1965 was fairly normal in that regard--not daily or many real heavy but afternoon showers to downpours were fairly common. It was hot with 100-105 common but not the extremes being felt now.

July 17, 1965 Sat

Got up late but went right to work. Fed and then came up and restacked all the logs better. That took ‘til 8:30. Finally we saddled up and rode out. Took Chief along. No mares in but Rita so bred her. I think Tina and Patsy may well be settled. No mail. I watered and led the babies when I got home. Charlie Mike went out at noon and I did the home chores. After lunch I started to chop weeds where they moved Harrelson’s trailer but all too soon it began to rain and it really did rain, too. All afternoon. I guess it was a 2 inch rain at least. The canyon ran wild. Bitter Creek wasn’t bad.  We saw Johnny Garvin over there. He said they are at Adamana still but going to Phoenix next week since they haven’t got the timbers yet to come here.  Walked to town to mail things and got a loaf of bread. We drove out and had a lot of mud shoveling to do at the pasture.  The home chores were a mess too. After that we went pop-bottle lifting and got 57!! Boy that really is neato! Had a nice supper and listened to records through the evening. I guess I’ll have to be watt-ching all next week. Maybe I’ll get a letter on Monday. I’m hoping so, anyway. He should let me know what comes off. Eve’s curse finally hit me. I’m a day late. Hope I can sleep over it. I hate rain but nearly hope it takes out a bridge here or I hope they get the timbers. I’ve got to see Dusty at least once. Just in case we were to move! Not that I expect that to really happen. It’s been a pretty good day though.

Restacking logs--I am thinking that was a big pile of mostly juniper logs originally cut for fence posts but ultimately became firewood. Over time big piles of rolling stuff will fall down, scatter and become a mess.  And one aspect of my neaten and straighten OCD would be to get them back in order. Nobody told me to; I just did things like that. 

Sounds like I rode out for sure and probably Charlie Mike did too; perhaps hay was needed or some other job required Dad to drive out also. An aside, we stored hay in the loading chute at the corral, maybe 6 to 12 bales at a time which allowed riding out to feed until that was used up.  I'm not sure if I led Chief or he was trailered, but leading was likely.  I do not think we had any colts born the next year so that effort was an exercise in futility.  Some mares miscarried and other foals were lost in the 1966 bout of spring sickness which was the very worst.

Ah, Harrelson's trailer. Harrelson was a feed and  stock dealer in Phoenix we patronized a lot. For about a year he kind of palmed off some big old mules on us after offering a special discount on hay we bought. A big red mule called Rufus was the first and I think some of his help brought that one up a few days after the deal was made. Then we ended up using his klutzy trailer behind a big load of hay on the F700 to bring home the mules we named Lyndon and Hubert that I have mentioned. The trailer sat in Clarkdale for a bit until a semi trailer of hay was delivered and they took it back. It was summer and weeds grew like crazy so there was a thick patch when the trailer left. 

July rains--welcome but a blasted nuisance for the mud, floods and mess they created. Just part of life. And pop bottles--we gave many a good home! Most were lost or abandoned. This batch was in a small shed at a vacant run-down house between the regular part of lower town and the river. I could not find the spot today if I tried but we explored at times and had found this stash. They were dirty and a few broken but we managed to get a refund for most of them, a welcome source of scarce cash.

And I was still anxious about Dusty and the possible return of B&B 6. Johnny Garvin was a member of that crew and lived in Cottonwood. Lucky to run into him. If  they moved from Adamana to Phoenix, coming down I-17 would be the shortest drive although the train would go by a different route. So maybe...and I would be Watt-ching just in case.

Eve's Curse--still had frequent bad cramps. I had now livd with that for over ten years. I tried Excedrin, Midol and other pain pills to small avail. Could almost expect a restless night without much sleep. Another possible ranch deal and move was on the radar at this point so I hoped B&B 6 would be back before that happened--even though I actually had no real belief it would. All in all, it was a better day than many...

A scramble of photos. The pasture corrals--the loading chute was on the corner to your right and the closest side. Patrick about this time but photo to show part of the log pile. And Patrick again,with the F700 loaded with with hay and a corner of that trailer mentioned. Looks like we stored hay in it temporarily. All FWIW but anyway photos!!

Monday Memoir, July 10, 1965

By this point apparently the summer rains had begun. It sounds like showers rather than downpours this day and since Charlie Mike and I had to ride twice I am sure we were glad of that!

July 10, 1965 Sat

 Got up at 6:00 and spent quite a busy day. Did the home chores and decided who would go--Mom and Alex. So they drove me out and I did the chores and then rode Ginger home. Tied her up and rested until noon. Rode out again and turned Ginger loose. Just barely beat the rain. It was then 2:00 so I made cookies, did the dishes and fixed us a tuna salad for lunch. The afternoon passed quickly. We rode out about 5:00 after watering and did the chores, beating the rain again. The folks still weren’t back so we did the home chores and then cleaned ourselves up some. They finally arrived about 8:00. Ruth is surely a chatterbox. I can sort of imagine five Morgans all at once. No news on the outfit moving etc. but a motorcar came in today. No local though. Maybe I’ll hear from Dusty on Monday. Sometimes I really feel like this is unreal and all awry but then I look again and it is back in shape. I don’t think I am wrong. It’s 11:00 now and I am dead weary. No nap today and 6:00 to 11:00--17 hours, too long and too much. It has really been rough lately and I feel drawn down to a thin catgut thread, like a violin string, ready to break. But I won’t.

Who would go referred to a trip to Flagstaff. I suppose it was partly business but Aunt Ruth Morgan was taking a class or seminar at NAU--still ASC then--and wanted to come down and visit over the weekend.  Given the work went on, I suppose it  made sense for both of us 'kids' to stay home. At any rate we did. For the most part chores went easy that way as I was ostensibly in charge and by now Charlie Mike and I got along with few spats and cooperated on the work. Why they were so late getting back I cannot recall. We were waiting with everything done when they came.

Aunt Ruth was the sister immediately older than Dad by about three years. At times I have described her as a 'fashionista' who had dozens of pairs of shoes and loved good clothes, taught art and drama at the high school level and was a bit artsy and a drama queen herself! She was fun and exciting but not a restful person and very voluble.  I do not recall but she probably slept with me in the double bed in my room. And it was probably a short night as I am sure we talked late. The next day was mostly visiting and Dad drove her back to Flagstaff in the evening. She invited me to come for a visit before school started in Sacramento; I was enthused about a possible train ride but of course was not allowed to do it.

I had still not heard from Dusty and was ever more on pins and needles as to when  or even if B&B 6 would return to Clarkdale that summer. My nerves were getting pretty frayed and stretched tight as I tried to be outwardly calm while I was in a constant fever of anxiety. Work and the overall family situation were not going all that well which certainly did not help. 

I am sure Dad was trying to convince his I think favorite sister that we were on the brink of wonderful success and just needed the four siblings to give us a bit more support and assistance.  I was not really on board with that but what could I do?  Enmeshed family was a Morgan trait for sure; the other four siblings all lived near each other, now in Sacramento, CA for some time, and hardly did anything significant without mutual consultation. Of course our branch was by now a virtual fortress of Us vs The World and merely expanded to encompass a not-quite-real-outsider at times when it seemed advantageous. Yes, my sarcasm is intentional!!

Other than Ginger, who was now in her second week of training I don't mention any of the animals. I think we had Prez home and probably rode Buzzie at least some that day. Photos are thus mostly not pertinent. I will drop one or two in just to add eye candy! The first is not new but around this general time. We got a huge batch of hay, mostly grass, delivered and stacked in the yard. I made the dress and Mom snapped a photo for me. Next is Aunt Ruth about 1948. She was teaching in Covina, CA at that time when we went over for a visit during the polio epidemic in Jerome. She would have been about 40. Last was a few years earlier in Kansas City, about when Mom and Dad got married in 1942. This is just to prove my "fashionista" label!

Monday Memoir July 3, 1965

 All at once it was July. Of course very little changed in the daily routine. I had just begun to ride Ginger. 

July 3, 1965 Sat

Got up usual and did my morning chores. Cleaned up the first SW corner of the shop yard. That’s a small start on an incredible job. Ate and rode out. We crowded right along and got back even with Ginger by 9:30. I rode her around and she did famously for her second ride. She really is fine. I led Leo and the two small ones while Mom went to Cottonwood for feed. Then I ate lunch and rode out. We spent most of the afternoon up in the canyon watching the stock graze. It was hotter than Hades. I worked on arranging my poems in the meanwhile. I’ve written quite a few to Dusty, I find. And he has a few that I didn’t keep copies of, too. We took Chief out and bred Patsy tonight. Trimmed Patrick’s feet, too. I hope we’ll go out in the a.m. tomorrow and Monday. But one can never tell. I took a shower before supper, mostly in cold water. That felt grand. Finished my poems. I’ve written approximately 550 since 1952. That’s quite incredible but only about 10% of them are worth a damn. Well, it’s 1100 and everyone wants me to go to bed so I guess I must. How many more evenings will I sit home before??!! I plan to have Dusty read my stories and extra letters while I am with him if possible. So I can watch and explain!

I can see that the big clean up effort Charlie Mike and I were undertaking was not nearly finished. We had completed the yard around our "home house" but the yard next door around the office/shop/storage house was yet to be done. The southwest corner was the far rear, past the garage we used for hay storage and the smaller shed that in time Charlie Mike and I kind of took over and made our space. One could barely get through the wide gate into that yard with all the 'stuff' stacked and jumbled around. Between us we could lift and rearrange most of it where either alone might have had trouble. More and more we learned to cooperate and tackle hard jobs with teamwork. That old practice served us well on the two big moves from Colorado Springs to Alamogordo in 2011 and from Alamogordo to here in 2019.

Ginger was going to be a bit taller than her mother but had the level disposition and biddable nature of her mom and also a good bit of Chief's steadiness and good manners. I was really happy with this.  She was the first one I totally trained from day one and for the most part Dad was busy otherwise and did not have much input at all. That made it go much better as you might imagine! I had done a lot with Buzzie and also Lyno and Leo, but just less independently up to that point. So Ginger, the two year old paint mare, got her second ride that day...  I have no photos but I think I used a McClellan saddle on her and the familiar hackamore bridle. I rode her for under an hour and just around close to home there in Clarkdale.  For a few weeks I brought her in from the pasture after the morning chores, rode her a bit,  and took her back out when I did the midday rotation since we had the corrals at Clarkdale mostly filled. Her training really went without a single issue or misbehavior requiring any punishment. She had known me from day one and trusted me which made it that much easier.

In the heat of the afternoon Charlie Mike and I went up in the canyon and let either the two red mares --Lyno and Buzzie--or Chief and Leo graze. That year it was still pre-monsoon and hot and dry as it is now. I had written poems on scraps of paper, pages out of notebooks or the backs of old school papers and stuffed most in a big envelope. I wanted to get them organized in folders and saved a bit neater.  That turned out to be a rather large project when I began to count how many! I recognized there were a lot of very juvenile and doggerel verses which I termed "not worth a damn" but I still kept them all! Of course since then I have written hundreds or even thousands more and not all of them are fantastic either! But I always had a bent for rhyme.

Still no word from Dusty or when B&B 6 would finally get back to Clarkdale. My nerves were more than slightly frayed but I dug in and held on since there was really nothing else to do. The next day was one of my all-time favorite holidays but I doubt we did much to celebrate except sit out on the front steps and watch the fireworks that evening. Otherwise it was likely business as usual if not some sudden catastrophe that had to be attended to at once! 

Photos tend to be scarce. I seldom could afford film for my little camera and saved what I had for new colts and a few special things here and there.  So a few notes: I had to dress up now and then to remind myself I was still a regular girl; I'm not sure what the occasion was but I remember making the dress and playing with piling my hair up.  Next is Charlie Mike that summer.  He was getting into the rebellious phase I had hit when I went back to school after the mule year, similar age and probably worse circumstances. He hardly ever smiled.  Next is Susie and Ginger in the spring of 1963 when Ginger was a baby. She had more white than Susie did. Then two shots from 1965 of me and then Charlie Mike with Ginger. At one point she was allegedly his horse but he was not yet to the point of being able to train her so of course I did. "Ownership" was mostly a fleeting and dubious distinction anyway. The only absolute was Tina who was forever truly mine.