Welcome to my World

Welcome to the domain different--to paraphrase from New Mexico's capital city of Santa Fe which bills itself "The City Different." Perhaps this space is not completely unique but my world shapes what I write as well as many other facets of my life. The four Ds figure prominently but there are many other things as well. Here you will learn what makes me tick, what thrills and inspires me, experiences that impact my life and many other antidotes, vignettes and journal notes that set the paradigm for Dierdre O'Dare and her alter ego Gwynn Morgan and the fiction and poetry they write. I sell nothing here--just share with friends and others who may wander in. There will be pictures, poems, observations, rants on occasion and sometimes even jokes. Welcome to our world!

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Just hours to go...let us pray!!

It's post-sundown now on December 31. A friend commented on her blog that she was glad to see 2013 go. Me too! As years go, it went. What more is there to say. I had my small personal disasters and the catastrophic earth shaking ones were everywhere, coming at us like careening trains. There were even some of those, careening right off their tracks. It  has been a violent, a tragic, a difficult year. Is it just me or does each one seem to be more-so the last decade or two?

I guess there have always been disasters forever--certainly those caused by nature like floods and hurricanes, tornadoes, earth quakes and wild fires but years ago, even in my memory which does not go back that far, we did not hear about them within minutes and then over and over courtesy of the TV news, the internet and all the other media forms that bombard us with "stuff we need to know"--or do we, really? We're becoming almost inured to the shock and fear and misery of our fellow humans as these horrors over take them. After you have seen so much destruction, so much damage and loss and "blood and guts", what else can you feel? You have to grow numb to survive. And that is even sadder, really.

I'd go back if I could, even if it meant losing a lot of the conveniences we now rely on, a lot of the fun things that technology has brought us along with the much less fun ones. But I can't. Life does not have a delete key or a replay or rewind button. All we can do is keep on keeping on. So with that in mind  I hope that 2014 is calm to the point of dullness, that no natural catastrophes occur, that people stop fighting and killing and hating. That may be too much to ask but perhaps if we all join hands --or hearts--as the midnight hour comes, just over six away now for me in MST --and pray for this with all our faith, just maybe Someone Up There will hear and heed and at least ratchet down the level of mayhem and madness for awhile.I could ask for nothing greater than that. Ask with me!

Go in peace! Blessed be and may the year treat you kindly.

More equines: some mule-tails--or tales!

As I mentioned in the last post, in 1964 I was deep into the horse and mule business. Mules, for some of you who may not be familiar with the species, are a hybrid creature that is half donkey and half horse. Almost all of them are sterile, probably since the DNA of that genetic mix may have a twist or break somewhere that keeps them from reproducing. They are very smart and generally sturdy and healthy and do not fully deserve the reputation they have for being ornery, stubborn and generally difficult! In the southwest, most of the mules that are used for saddle animals are sired by male burros and the foals of saddle horse mares. Mules are very sure footed in rough terrain and make good riding animals if trained well.

Back in the spring when I was talking about the local flora, I mentioned the Globe Mallow, which has reddish orange blooms and added that my family called them "Louie blossoms" because the first mule that joined our herd liked to munch on them in the spring. Louie was a middle sized mule, about 14 hands (a hand is 4") high at the withers where saddle and draft animals are measured. The withers is the 'bump' just above where the forelegs join into the skeleton and analogous to the bump on the back of our necks! Louie was blackish brown and had a tan muzzle, very nearly the color of peanut butter! We had bought him from a rancher near the town of Mayer, AZ and so named him "Louie B. Mayer."  My dad was Irish and had that quirky and sometimes very sarcastic sense of humor, so many of our animals had unusual names. This allusion may be too far back for some of you, but the original Louie B Mayer was a founding partner in the old MGM movie company so it was a silly pun to name a mule that!  Here is a shot of me riding Louie, several years after he joined out herd in June, 1955, a few months before I acquired Tina, the mare I mentioned before in February 1956. I am guessing it's 1959 or 1960 here.

The photo was taken on top of Mingus Mountain at about 8,500' elevation. Mingus borders the upper end of the Verde Valley in Arizona on the western side. We were probably deer hunting as that's a .30-.30 rifle in the scabbard that I am touching. I was riding in a McClellan saddle, invented by a General McClellan who served (Union Army) during the War Between the States and later with the cavalry in the west. It is light and durable but not the most comfortable for long riding that I have used! And on a mule, since they have a very straight backbone, you need to use harness around both the front and back of the animal to  keep the saddle in place.The front one is a breast collar, similar to those used with western saddles to stabilize them when roping and the back is called a breaching or in the vernacular, a "britchin'."      

Later mules that came along before we acquired a large bunch of them in 1959-1961 were Lilly, Stella, Dynamite, Lizzie, Albert and Ruby. I think there were a few more even, as we did a lot of 'horse trading' and some came and went while others stayed with us quite awhile. I'm still a fan of a good mule and would love to be able to afford one so I could ride up some of the rugged mountains here. Hiking them is one tough job and I am only up to so much of it these days but really do love to explore and get up high to look around!            
I had some other misadventures with Louie but will save them for another day. One was a graphic lesson in why the britchin' is essential! I still feel the results of that one with some arthritis in my neck and right shoulder! I was lucky I did  not break my neck!!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Looking ahead to 2014

There are just a few more days until we change calendars and go into a new year. It is a bit of an anti-climax for me since I start my year the day after the Midwinter Solstice but that's just my quirk! I also allow myself a fortnight to get organized, clean up and do any rearranging that I feel is needed and lay out some plans and goals for what I want to accomplish in the coming year so that means my real get in there and kick butt (mostly my own!) day is just past the formal new year's date. So I have a week left....

I don't deal with cold well at all as I am sure I have often said--or maybe whined. This time of year is not the best for me, even here in the sunny south land or as my brother calls it, "the Promised Land." There is not enough sun to fully charge my batteries even if I can sit out and soak it up for at least a while almost every day. Even a light breeze seems to cut right through me if the temperature is under sixty or so. I guess I have just been cold too many times or maybe in a past incarnation I froze or struggled in an arctic environment. Who knows? But as I tell myself, this too will pass. Already the afternoons are lasting a wee bit longer and soon the mornings will begin earlier too so this problem will sort itself out in a few weeks. Meanwhile I just plow on as best I can!

My Christmas decorations are already down and put away. I could not proceed with other tasks until I had done that and since I am already antsy to start preparations, the tree, tinsel and such had to go. I still enjoy most of the trappings of Christmas but once it has passed, I'm done with it until next year! I sorted out a box of stuff to Freecycle and packed the rest away until next year. One step accomplished! Yippee. If I can manage one a day I feel good about things.

Right now I am trying to decide what to change in my room which is my bedroom, sitting room, office and personal space. Shared with my two red dogs, of course,  but still mine. I am kind of stuck with how the furniture is arranged due to the size and shape of the room, where the phone line and TV line come in and a limited number of electric outlets. This is an older house and not really set up for all the new techie stuff we live by these days but I will see if I can improve the arrangement. If not, I will just clean everything and declutter as much as I can.

This coming year will mark a half century--gee, but that is intimidating!--since the year  my life went through some heavy duty changes and milestones and began to shift to a different pattern. I'll be talking about that some in the coming months, of course, and sharing some verses, photos and memories of that time. The years from 1964-1970 were turbulent and tough in a lot of ways. I survived and they taught me much, helped me build up my mental and emotional "muscle" to cope with what the rest of my life has thrown my way and left me some very good and precious memories as well as some more painful and sad. Life is like that--there are compensations!

Here are a couple of pictures of me in 1964, one trying to be a lady of sorts --I think going to a girl friend's graduation --and the other as the cowboy girl I still was. I made most of the clothes I am wearing except for the jeans in the cowboy one! The dress was a favorite of mine for quite awhile, and by this time I was making a lot of western style shirts and had  adapted a men's pattern to fit me and added much in the way of original touches in yokes, sleeves, collars and decoration.

I started to sew when I was in my early teens and by this time had become pretty proficient. It's something I still enjoy. I'd also gone from making "paper dolls" just for fun to using them to develop designs for clothes I planned to make. It was easier to visualize how something would look if I drew it out and then mentally laid out the pattern pieces, the trim and all the rest before I ever started cutting fabric. Cheaper, too, and a lot fewer mistakes in the end result!

I'd been out of high school for two years by this time, or at least by May, and was deeply involved in the horse and mule business my dad and I were trying to operate. Thus my dress up times were pretty far between but I still liked to look nice and enjoyed being 'girly' when I could. Reading in my old journals I was almost surprised to recall I had a home perm every few months, sometimes colored my hair a little and tried to keep my nails polished!  I guess I should be a bit ashamed how I have 'let myself go' the last few years. Maybe I will make a goal and affirmation about that! Yes, that is what I make instead of resolutions; they don't seem quite as intimidating or overwhelming.  Ready, set, 2014!!

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Thoughts on Christmas Eve

I was up before the sun today, thanks mostly to Ginger. We watched the first beam touch a crag on the hill closest to our house and then send a long one through a gap in the hills to touch a high point on a ridge to the northeast and slowly paint its brightness along more and more until at last it comes down my street. I recall in the song Chelsea Morning that sunlight  was described as "coming down like butterscotch." Not here; here I liken it to lemon juice, clean and sharp and brightly clear. Even this time of year when it has to shine through much more of our atmosphere and haze, it has that quality.

A bit later, after Gin insisted, we went for our morning walk. Today we again went along the bank or dyke of a big drainage ditch that curves around to the northeast of our neighborhood. The mesquites are all bare now and the salt cedar has gone dull and near-bare. So much is seen in shades of gray and tan now. Only the creosote of the natural desert shrubs and trees stays green. It is a hard, bitter olivine color but a bit of some other hue than the prevalent dull earth tones. Not a lot of birds about but a few sparrows, English or House Sparrows mostly, and some quail, calling and scurrying through the brush. It was brisk but pleasant, no wind to speak of which makes it much nicer! We counted crows, or more properly ravens, since these are quite large with great heavy hooked beaks. They love the pecans and there are a lot of pecan trees in the area. I use the old rhymes or whatever you call them: One is unlucky, two is lucky, three is health, four is wealth etc or sometimes One he loves, two he loves, three he loves they say. We saw seven today. In the first rhyme that means I had to start over at one so I went by the second and that is seven she loves. Oh well!! I refuse to be brought down by that superstition! It is a lovely and special day anyway! Yuletide is here and it is a time to be joyful and festive. Maybe a bit introspective as we consider an old year departing and a new to give us a second chance, a new start. I'm working on goals and affirmations for the next cycle.

I find it slightly amusing that quite a few of the more fundamentalist Christian denominations (ie see United Church of God's website www.UCG.com) are starting to question that the origins of Christmas really are Christian or Christ-centered. I want to say duh!! It is odd how the present day traditions grew up and how the fairly early Christians just wrapped a veneer of their making over the top of the old pagan customs, festivals and such!

For the ancient ones, the Midwinter Solstice marked the death of the Sun-King and his rebirth to begin his 365 day journey again! It also celebrated the Goddess who was both the mother and mate of the Sun. I can't say if it was a virgin birth but I think our ancestors already knew where babies came from, at least they sprang from the mother while the father was not too important. There could be no doubt who bore a babe but who had given the seed was not so sure and thus not too important. So the Christian fathers decided to take this same date and make it the birth of their Son King, the child of the One God rather than try to squelch long-practiced customs. Rather clever, really!

For me the actual solstice day this year was gray and bleak, with only a few glimpses of sunshine all day. It dawned raining with snow on the hills, down to perhaps no more than 250-300 feet above our elevation. So I didn't get to watch the sunrise that morning. I just burned my salt lamp for 24 hours to honor and encourage old Sol or Lugh or whatever one wishes to call Him. I guess it worked ;-) since the past two days have been bright and nearly cloudless! But I did capture a lovely sun dog on film the day before! Isn't that pretty? A nice gift!! The storm was coming in that day, lots of high, wind-warped clouds and cold.

Per Feng Shui yesterday (I get a daily 'tip' from astrology.com) one should be sure the ends of tinsel garlands etc turn up since if they are down it is a frown/sad energy thing and not right for the season! So the strand I have hung along the mantle is now looped up a the ends! That's the extent of my decor; tinsel twined in the wrought iron pillars of the front porch, wreaths on two doors, my little tree and that one garland over the fireplace, which is a gas log, not for real :-( . I much prefer real fireplaces and we may get this one taken out and a wood or pellet stove put in eventually. There is no heat like a real live fire. So, Happy Christmas Eve and Yuletide to one and all!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Morning Miracles at Mid-Winter

I saw an amazing sight this morning. I was up a wee bit before the sun--which is coming up very late now due to the season and the fact a high range of hills sits close to me on the east. I can walk to where the real steep part begins and actually live on the lowest tier of foothills where erosion over millenia have left a slanting ramp leading to where the mountains really begin. Anyway as I let my dog out, I glanced to my left and saw a picture that took my breath. The sun was very close to rising directly behind one of the higher visible peaks. There was a wispy bit of cloud that lit up like an opalescent halo! I ran for my camera and did manage to get a picture but the photo is not half as impressive as the actual sight was. The colors were just too ethereal for the lens to capture but it gives a small idea. I saw it is a 'halo' to emphasize the divine nature of the Sun, our great giver of light and energy. While I certainly do not worship the sun, as some of my ancient ancestors did, I am heliotropic in that I draw energy and vitality from the sun and its light and heat. If this had happened on the actual solstice it would have really been a miracle but I call it close enough!



The last couple of days have been really awesome in terms of weather! The temperature at mid afternoon on my south-facing covered porch/patio read 72 degrees! I admit the spot is quite sheltered but the thermometer is not in the sun and the ambient air temperature even out in the open was well into the sixties. There was only a very light breeze so I could not ask for better. We turned the heater down for the midday hours and opened the back door. And this is mid December!  Now you have an idea of why my brother calls it "the promised land." After Colorado and even soggy-foggy northern California this truly is almost paradise.

One more thing to share, the latest of my fabric art desert scenes. These have gone for a special Christmas gift to a very dear old friend and I miss them already LOL. I still have the first two I did but may sell or gift them before long. I can always make more and I will gradually refine the idea and perfect it as far as I can. These two panels represent the same basic scene by night and by day. They are not perfectly the same image but I made them close. In the day, hawks or vultures fly and by night there is a crescent moon and an owl ghosting along.

Speaking of crescent moon, the moon was actually closer to full when it rose last night than it will be tonight although the full moon is officially the 17th and not the 16th. I should have snapped a picture as it was spectacular coming up over those same mountains but a bit farther north than where the sun appeared this morning. It looked enormous too with just about a third of it peaking over the crest! I may see if I can get a shot tonight.

We had a pretty but not spectacular sunset tonight; just air brushed wisps of cloud such as have been drifting across the sky all day. They turned rosy and soft gold right after sundown but were too diffuse and scattered for a good photo. I'm getting too many sunset photos anyway, if such is possible. Maybe not...but I'm trying to hold out for the really wonderful ones!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

A Sad Train Accident

As many of you know, I am a rail fan. While I lived over at Hurley, NM for a few months back in 2008-09, I watched the trains of the small South West Railroad come and go. At that time they only came as far as Hurley from Deming and hauled out mostly sulfuric acid which is a byproduct of refining copper ore mined at the Chino and Tyrone mines, the former just east and north of Bayard, NM and the latter west of Silver City on the highway running down to Lordburg. I took quite a few pictures of the trains as they came and went.

Since I left, they rehabilitated the line back up past Bayard--which is north of Hurley--to the tiny town of Hanover, just west of the Chino mine and the vanished Santa Rita townsite and on up a canyon to a reopened mine in Fierro. I have heard they mine mostly a form of iron there called magnetite which is hauled by rail to Mexico and then shipped to China. It is used as flux in some smelting and has other uses. Anyway, this past Monday (Dec 2) a train was coming down from that mine, one locomotive and eight hopper cars full of ore. No one knows what actually happened but the locomotive left the track and rolled down into an arroyo. It was demolished! The engineer, the other crewman and the engineer's lady friend who was along for the ride were all killed. The ore cars did derail but did not roll or move far from the tracks.

This shot I took in October when I was over there and it is at the crossing at Hanover, just north of the canyon where the accident happened. That day they had two locos on the line of ore cars. The wrecked locomotive was painted the same as these but was number 3000. A tiny bit of the Chino mine is visible over the first loco cab and the rock formation called the Kneeling Nun is just around that jut of cliff.

This little railroad has a good safety record and this is a sad blot on that. Of course the accident is being investigated very intensively and they may find the cause but so far I have not read of it. On one of the railroad and rail fan forums I frequent someone suggested a rock may have fallen onto the track and caused the locomotive to derail and tip far enough to begin the roll and drop. The engineer had many years experience but was new to that district and probably not real familiar with the track there yet. It does wind down a canyon with many curves and a fairly steep grade where the accident occurred.

Anyway I am sad about it and pray for the families of the three. I guess one could say they died doing something worthwhile that they enjoyed but I am sure they had a few horrible moments as the accident took place so my heart goes out to them as well. May the Powers grant them a fast and gentle trek to the Other Side.

Falling into Winter

The calendar does not even say it is winter yet although my personal calendar puts the midwinter solstice at midwinter and has it start shortly after Samhain or Halloween. By Imbolc or late February there are signs of spring although of course winter does not go out without considerable kicking and screaming as a rule! But I do think the old Celts and other "primitive" people had it right, setting their seasons around the movement of the sun. So let the modern calendar say what it will!

Much of the nation has already been pounded by vicious weather. Those of us who live in the sun belt are blessed and fortunate unless you are one of those folks who really enjoys the snow and cold, the blustery gray days and all that. I do not. I think a lot of my discomfort with winter dates back to the days when I was working with the livestock. They had to have their daily care regardless of the weather so I was out both in the blazing heat of summer and the cold of winter for several years there. The heat could be hard but I hated the cold the most.

You can't imagine how cold you can get in the saddle for several hours while the wind is blowing and the wind chill is well below freezing even in 'desert' Arizona! I often came in at night and sat behind the wood burning stove we had in the living room of the house--yep, back in the old days, at least in the rural areas, before central heating and such luxuries! Anyway, I would ensconce myself in the corner back of the stove and try to let the heat drive the cold out of my bones lest they seem to radiate it back through my flesh and skin all night! I sat there until my jeans were almost smoking sometimes and then finally almost felt warm! Of course in bed at night you lay almost pressed flat by pounds of wool blankets and once you had that little spot heated you hated to move even a finger or toe into the colder parts of the bed. I often slept curled into a tight ball. Mercy, I could not do that now or I would wake up so stiff and achy I could hardly walk!

I do think it was generally colder and wetter then, even in the high desert areas, although we still do get storms and even snow at times, like I wrote of a couple of weeks ago. It seems things have warmed and dried a bit in general. I can't say I am sorry although the drought is bad and is causing a lot of harm with vegetation dying and the horrible fires as one bad result.  Here is one cold scene of part of the corrals where we kept some animals that we were riding daily. I shiver just to look at it!

Anyway, winter is here, by my estimates. I took Ginger for a walk down in the park on Sunday and although some of them had faded, many of the trees still had lovely golden leaves and I took some new pictures. Today after a doctor's appointment, we walked there again. Now the ground is thick with fallen leaves and the ones still left are dull and brownish instead of golden. So we are falling into winter rapidly.  We hit the lower 20s last night but as soon as the sun was up, the temperature climbed about ten degrees in an hour or so. The high was into the 40s but to me that is pretty chilly. Thank goodness for the sunshine!!

My brother and I were laughing about how he especially ever stood the cold in Colorado, working outside in all sorts of weather as he did for many years with his railroad track maintenance work. I did not enjoy the cold, either of the two times I lived in Colorado. The blizzard my husband and I survived in 1977 --we spent eighteen hours in a Ford Pinto in the wind-driven snow!--added to my dislike of that kind of weather. We survived but a few were not so fortunate and it was very scary!

Right now I am fighting my hibernation urge and SAD issues that get hold of me every winter. They were worse in Colorado but now into the third winter back in what my brother calls "the Promised Land" I've lost any acclimation to cold that I had gained those last winters up north. I walked with Belle on many days when it was well below freezing but this morning I declined to go for an early walk with Ginger when it was rapidly going from 25 to 35 and on up. What a wuss I have become! But I am counting the days now until December 21 and the midwinter solstice. Old Sol or Lugh or whatever you wish to call him will begin the first tiny inching step to move back overhead again and that gives me hope that spring again will come! We may fall into winter but we can always spring out in time!

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

A Day of Amazing Clouds

Wow, I was eating lunch on the patio with the four dogs for company--of course sharing in the meal!--and looked up to see an incredible cloud formation. Is it a reverse dollar sign? An infinity symbol? a secret runic message? I really do not know but it blew me away!

Then later, at sundown, I was out throwing Ginger's "Frisbee" for her and began to watch the clouds change and color. All at once I saw a phoenix bird! That was what I saw with my bare eyes but once I got the pictures downloaded and began to edit and review them some other things emerged.The bird is less clear although the feathery fiery wings are clear (photo 2 and 3) but I also found a couple of winged equine figures (photo 3)  and one that could also be a unicorn! (photo 1) These were just so awesome and beautiful that I had to share them. See what you will in them but enjoy!!



What an amazing gift to observe these images and be able to capture them. I am just overcome.

Always in Love with Love Redux

And here it is December already. Who knows where the time goes? I guess I will pick up the checkered saga of my early 'love life' such as it was. I think the last post on that was on 11 Oct 13 when I shared some of the sketches I had made of various of my heart throbs and heroes about the time  I took off a year from high school and instead played cowboy girl and muleskinner. As an aside on the muleskinner part, I've recently subscribed to a neat little magazine called Mules and More and they will be having some of my stories and photos over the next several months. For now it is pro bono but then I am happy to support the rising popularity of my long eared equine spin off  critters. I am pretty sure our time of advertising and selling them did have an influence on the current situation! They are pretty popular among trail and pleasure riders these days!!

About the same time I also took to writing pen pals. It all started with the kids' column in the Western Horseman magazine which had a pen pal section. I am still very best friends always with one girl I contacted through that source. She had a really neat sketch published and I wrote to her and the rest is history! Linda and I did not meet for many years but she and her husband and kids visited us while we lived in Olivehurst, north of Sacramento, CA when they were on the way to see kinfolk in southern California and then she spent a week or so with me at Huachuca City, between my retirement and Jim's death. We had a marvelous time. She and her hubby came by a year or two after Jim's death also and we had another good visit. Despite the few hours we have actually spent together, we feel like sisters and the friendship has lasted for over fifty years. Linda and Dick celebrated their fiftieth anniversary a couple of years back and I "knew" her before they met! Here is Linda and her little Maltese, Spencer, fairly recently. Somewhere I have her senior picture; I may post it and mine someday. Later, maybe!

Other pen pals did not enjoy such longvity, perhaps just as well. Besides having my name and address in Western Horseman, I also found a magazine called Ranch Romances--I kid you not,  it was real and a pulp magazine that had fictional stories in the order of Zane Grey and Louis L'Amour but always with a love story in them. Needless to say, I devoured them eagerly and vaguely ambitioned to try to sell them some of the tales I was writing by then. Never did but I did add myself to the pen pal column and wrote to a few girls and a lot of guys for a couple of years, a few even longer.

I guess the most lasting one was a guy I called "Jose Cazador" which was a kind of play on his name that included Hunter. He was a bit older, typical for me, and wrote fascinating letters in various colors of ink and usually scented with incense. We never met, but for a couple of years I fancied myself madly in love, He even sent me a half dozen red roses for Valentine's Day one year and my parents had kittens! (Tee hee--an expression of the day amongst teens.). Then very abruptly he said he had found someone else and vanished from my world. I was shattered and wrote a bunch of mostly bad poetry about it, both before and after! Here are a couple of verses that grew out of all that.

I moped for a bit over a year before another fellow burst into my life--or maybe I into his? Anyway, the first real love of my life was just around the corner although I did not know it yet. A virtual dust-storm I called Dusty was coming... Almost exactly a year after the second verse here. There are truly no coincidences!! BTW, I used Alegria as a nickname; it was a Spanish approximation of Gaye.

Letters (spring 63)
Dearest Alegria--the words dance before my eyes,
Flicker and fade. I see your hand, your pen.
You change pens and write in red;
My heart quickens and I read these words
With rapt attention, with my heart
As well as my eyes. Back to blue, your thoughts
Flow in fluid grace across the pages and
Into me to be dissolved in mine.
The words blur and fade before me and I
See your face, instead; your eyes are
Dark and deep and draw me to them.
Your beautiful eyes. Yes, they are your best
Feature and I think them beautiful.
I close my eyes to try to blot out that picture
But it lingers in my mind’s eyes, in my heart’s.
I can see your eyes in my sleep, yes, in dreams.
And when I am awake, they, with your spirit,
Surround me with an aura, a cloud.
Your face before me and your spirit around me.
Never am I free of you, but I do not want to be.
I open my eyes and read again.  The scent
Of incense reminds me of the words:
“Mi Querida, Dearest Alegria, I wish I could say
‘Querida’ more plainly but I must wait.”
Yes, Mi Caballero, you must wait, but I wait too.

                   La Sombradera  (9-11- 63)
                The cruelest evil in all the world
                Or so, at least, I say
                Is one who violates innocent hearts
                And then casts them away.
                     Bodies may lose the scars of abuse
                     But hearts cannot forget;
                     They too readily open, too freely give
                     And have a lifetime then to regret.
                He who by words deceitful,
                Captures an innocent heart
                Deserves to be tortured by methods diverse
                Until he is torn all apart.  
                     The evil one who on innocence feeds,
                     Who makes youthful hearts his prey,
                     In time shall suffer each misery of hell
                     And for each tear of anguish repay.
                For a heart that’s been ravished
                Never more can regain
                Its natal cleanness and naivety,
                Its immunity to pain.
                    And its bearer then must suffer
                    All her weary lifetime through
                    And from the seeds that you planted
                    Reap the bitter fruit that grew.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Going to the Dogs Again

I finally got most of my older dog pictures scanned the last two days while the weather was chilly, damp and not conducive to hanging out in the southwest sun, which was sparse! As I did so,  I realized again how blessed I have been in the canine department.

I've told you about Alanna. She was such an amazing dog that I have to share a couple more pictures of her. The first was within days after we got her from the Humane Society in Colorado Springs. She was about three months old. She came home the same day we got our new Ramcharger 4-wheel drive SUV after being stuck in a blizzard a couple of months before and scared seriously! She barfed and I was so glad I insisted to the silly salesman that I didn't want nice plush carpet but rubber mat flooring. It was the only time she got car sick that I recall, though. She grew to be quite a traveler. The other one is several years later when we were back in Arizona after living north of Sacramento, CA for a few years. She got some fox tail grass seeds embedded in her skin and had to be almost shaved to remove them. She was soooo miserable and depressed but her lovely coat did grow back.

Then I have talked of little Butch. He was probably most if not purebred Brittany Spaniel and one of the sweetest dogs I ever knew. He had some cute ways and was very photogrenic. One shot shows him in the watering well around a tree we had planted, watching my hubby and me work in the yard. We called it his foxhole! The other he is in his sentry pose, very alert and watchful. He was a total sweetie and I still miss him.


And I cannot forget Sadie, who shared three years of widowhood with me before she finally got tired and old enough to go join Butch and Jim across the Rainbow Bridge to wait for me. She overlapped for about two and a half years with Rico, my first Aussie, who joined us early in the year after Jim and Butch had departed. Sadie was a sweet and happy girl but she never stopped grieving for her beloved master and her canine partner and I knew that. I cried to let her go but I knew it was right. Jim was there in spirit and touched my shoulder when I was burying Sadie in the yard at my old home in Whetstone, just outside of Huachuca City, AZ, three years and ten days after he and Butch had departed.

 Sadie was so black for several years that it was hard to get a good picture of her--there was no contrast! But in her later years she got white on her muzzle and a bit around her eyes. Jim said that was her lipstick and eye shadow. It did set off her face! She was a very feminine girl despite being a tomboy who loved to run, scramble around and ride.

Yes, starting with my dear Flash back when I was just a ten year old, I have had some wonderful dogs! You've met Rico and Belle and Ginger and Rojito. The Powers willing, I shall never be without a dog until the day I die although there was a gap of about three years between Alanna and Butch. It was horrid! I missed having a canine companion soooo much! But we had to wait for the right one.

Some earlier dog posts that you might refer back to were 8-26-13, 7-9-12, 6-8-12, 5-26-12 and 5-2-12.  I ought to set up links to them but my HTML is very rusty and was never too good to begin with. I think you can go to all posts and then down thru the lists by 25s to get to those dates. Maybe I can figure a way to do links in a bit.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

S**w in the desert!

Oh man, when it rains it pours or when it snows it really snows. The meteorologists had been warning about this first big winter storm for several days and we waited--not a lot of wind and no precipitation although it got cloudy and gradually chillier. Well, finally it came, not all bark and no bite at all. The white stuff began to fall about eleven or so last evening. One could feel it coming--the chill damp wind and a kind of oppressive weight in the air. A bit like an impending summer thunderstorm only different. I suppose mostly a subtle change in the barometric pressure. We knew, anyway but still it was a surprise of sorts. Perhaps the most snow we have seen here as we begin our third winter.

At any rate, the last time the dogs were out before bedtime there were tiny stinging flakes or bits flying in a light but chill breeze. I wasn't expecting a lot but we woke today to about 2.5 to 3 inches of white stuff on the ground. Yes, even a desert rat has to admit it was pretty before the fluffy clean blanket was marred as the day wore on. I sat in my big chair by the picture window in the front room and watched as it still fell a bit until mid-morning.

The dogs had various reactions. Kaycee and Beebee, the two Heelers knew the drill from their earlier days in Colorado. They ran around and rooted in it a bit but were glad to come in quickly. Poor little Rojito drags his little tummy in the cold white stuff and was quick to do his business and scoot back in. Ginger is still puppy enough to leap and bound through it, be amazed when I threw her ball and it disappeared into the white blanket, and beg me to go walking which I declined to do! I told her mama does not do cold wet mornings! A bit later I had to laugh though as she paced and circled to beat down a spot before she would squat and do her business so she did not get her heinie wet!


Although the sun has not come out today and is now down at 5:40 MST, the roads have melted and more or less dried and even the sidewalks are mostly clear. Tomorrow the sun is supposed to be out most of the day and much of it will be gone before day's end I am sure. That's fine. I will call this a Yuletide preview and be quite content if we see no more the rest of the winter although that is probably not likely. Right now it is hard to tell what the season will hold. This was a bit early but then it hit the whole southwest hard and was a big and dangerous storm. I understand Arizona got mostly rain  except up in my old college-years home of Flagstaff and the main I-40 corridor and along the Mogollon Rim.  However, New Mexico got snow over about 99% of the state from a foot or more in the northern mountains to enough to snarl traffic and cause problems clear down to near the border.

Friends who like the wintery weather would have loved it so I will share these pictures for their sake. The rest of you, well, yes, as I said, it was pretty! Now it is muddied and tracked and far from pristine but new snow has a beauty. And I always note the quiet, how silent it seems when snow is falling. Roughed out a quick verse on that:

Silence of Snow
It's so quiet when it snows,
Muffling all in frosty down.
Painting over scar and stain
a fluffy frothy bridal gown.

It's so quiet when it snows.
Frosty feathers float around,
Wrapping, covering, blanketing,
Dampening all trace of sound.

It's so quiet when it snows.
Looks so soft but feels so hard,
Sharp and cold and bitter-clean,
For this moment, all unmarred.



Saturday, November 16, 2013

More Pictures

I gained more of an appreciation for old buildings and their photographic possibilities from a friend in Colorado who stayed with us off and on for awhile and was very much into art photography or photography as art. She exhibited and sold some of her excellent work. I am not in that category and do not have the quality of camera she used but it is still fun. So here are a few of mine from today. I am happy to be using digital for the quick ability to see and use them and for the freedom to not worry over wasting costly film! What a boon to an amateur! Anyway, enjoy my efforts!  BTW, the third photo is a zoom in on the center of the second shot but the shadow had overtaken me in the meantime. And remember you can left click on any shot and get a larger view and be able to go from one to the next for a better look.





Pictures!

I'm going to divide today into two posts so I do not bog things down with too many photos!

Ginger and I took an interesting walk today. We went end to end in the Alameda Park which runs for about a mile between White Sands Blvd, Alamogordo's main drag and the business route of the highways, and the Union Pacific tracks. It's a nice park, grassy and favored by dog folks, most of which pick up after their pooches. (Hurrah and a pox on those who do not!!) The city is trying to save the ancient Cottonwood trees--kind of iconic since alamo is cottonwood in Spanish and gordo is large or fat or round. They're trying some chemicals to help the trees extract water better and shed the damaging salts and minerals. Also there have been some new young ones planted. They've already gone golden while the big old ones are kind of spotty right now, half yellow and half still green.

After that we crossed the tracks on 10th street--no, I will not walk or try to drive across the tracks at anywhere but the designated places--and drove up a little-used road to an area where there was once a kind of industrial complex, an old sawmill and some small factories or workshops etc. They are now derelict and deserted but I find old buildings quite photogenic and had been meaning to try a small photo shoot down that way. The light was very moody and evocative with clouds scudding by driven by a very brisk southwest wind at the higher levels. I think that gave a good ambiance!

Then, a couple of days ago, I did go back and get some shots earlier of the Salt Cedar and spangle-top grass that I mentioned a couple of posts back. So first, I'll do the local flora ones and then in a second post I'll share a few of the old buildings.


 Here are the salt cedar and the grass: I love that blue sky in the background! I bet you can see why turquoise has always been one of my favorite colors.. The salt cedar foliage is a pretty color too, don't you agree?  The grass is odd but pretty, subtle color as more goes dull with the approach of winter.

And now some more blue and gold from the park! Ginger and I enjoyed the brisk, damp air--there were a few small squalls even with a bit of thunder over night! The clouds really set things off and give every scene some character and enhancement. Fall is just so very special.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Ten years ago--Scots and Marines!

I did not address it on the day, but November 10 is a significant day also. For one, it is the 'birthday' of the United States Marine Corps which claims to be the oldest or senior of the armed forces of our nation. Most Marine units and most Marine Corps League units (a fraternal organization for former Marines) celebrate the date with an annual very formal dinner and ball. Jim always wanted to go--him in a kilt and me in a long kilted skirt and sash in either the MacDairmada plaid (which he believed was his ancestral line) or one designed for the Marine Corps who had close ties with various of the Highland Regiments in the past. Sadly we did not get to do this. Like we were never able to get to Edinburgh for the annual Tattoo celebration although we collected videos of all that had been so filmed before his death. Jim cherished his Scots heritage, although he was not able to document it, having been adopted and the records sealed to where he could not access them even some seventy years after the fact.

But, it was totally fitting somehow that he should go to the Final Parade on this date which meant a great deal to him. James LeRoy Walton passed from this world on November 10, 2003. So Sunday it had been ten years since he and our little dog Butch departed within minutes of each other for the Great Beyond. That was one of the strangest coincidences--and many say there are no coincidences; I tend to believe this as well--that ever happened to me or involving me. I feel it was fate and the intent of some Divine Power that they should make the journey together. At the time it was a double loss and fierce shock but even then I sensed a rightness about it.

I have not scanned my photos of Butch yet but he was a typical Brittany Spaniel, red and white, and a handsome dog plus one of the sweetest dogs I ever knew. Perhaps not the brightest crayon in the box but gentle, loyal and until he grew old and stiff, loving of fun and especially running. I'll try to get to some of those pictures soon. But I do have the first and last pictures of Jim and me together--the first one taken on our wedding day, September 3, 1971 and the last at his class reunion in the fall of 2003. So I will share them. I was a 'hippie bride' in a dress of green that I had made for myself. We tied the knot in his father's living room before a Methodist minister who asked the two kids still at home if they would accept me for a step mother before he would conduct the ceremony! I thought that was pretty awesome. They both agreed--maybe regretting it later, at least at times, but I think mostly not too dismayed. I think we built a good family.


So go in peace and harmony, my dear life-partner and best friend and my sweet little canine companion. You are both still missed and deeply loved but as you would have wanted, for you said so, Jim, and I know Butch would have agreed, I was to live and not merely exist for the rest of the time I was given to complete my life here. I have tried to do so and have found more friends of all kinds to walk these new miles with me in various ways. I know you will be there to greet me when I pass through the veil and it will be a joyful reunion.

More on Kipling's poem

I erred somewhat. Memory is not to be trusted!! It has been a long time but I should have checked first. C'est la vie. Here is the scoop. Although it does speak of war and battles, it does not commemorate or focus on any particular one but it was well before World War I. While it might not go over well now, it is still profound and somber. And the 'lest we forget' appears as almost a refrain or chorus through the poem. As you can see, it was kind of a hymn and also a warning, and certainly not in praise of war or colonialism, which he was often accused of being. So I was not quite right on; mea culpa. Still I share it for the quality. IMHO, Kipling was a great writer and an early inspiration to me.

"Recessional" is a poem by Rudyard Kipling, which he composed on the occasion of Queen Victoria's Diamond Jubilee in 1897.
The poem is a prayer. It describes two fates that befall even the most powerful people, armies and nations, and that threatened England at the time: passing out of existence, and lapsing from Christian faith into profanity. The prayer entreats God to spare "us" (England) from these fates "lest we forget" the sacrifice of Christ.
The poem went against the celebratory mood of the time, providing instead a reminder of the transient nature of British Imperial power.In the poem Kipling argues that boasting and jingoism, faults of which he was often accused, were inappropriate and vain in light of the permanence of God.
 Text of Poem:


God of our fathers, known of old—
Lord of our far-flung battle line—
Beneath whose awful hand we hold
Dominion over palm and pine—
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!

The tumult and the shouting dies—
The Captains and the Kings depart—
Still stands Thine ancient sacrifice,
An humble and a contrite heart.
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!

Far-called our navies melt away—
On dune and headland sinks the fire—
Lo, all our pomp of yesterday
Is one with Nineveh and Tyre!
Judge of the Nations, spare us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!

If, drunk with sight of power, we loose
Wild tongues that have not Thee in awe—
Such boastings as the Gentiles use,
Or lesser breeds without the Law—
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!

For heathen heart that puts her trust
In reeking tube and iron shard—
All valiant dust that builds on dust,
And guarding calls not Thee to guard.
For frantic boast and foolish word,
Thy Mercy on Thy People, Lord!

Monday, November 11, 2013

A Very Significant Day!!

Today is variously called Remembrance Day, Armistice Day and Veteran's Day. It originally marked the ending of World War I (armistice), now almost a century into the annals of history with many larger and smaller wars happening since. The sixties protest song comes yet to mind "When will they ever learn?" Humanity seems to be contentious, rapacious and much too prone to violence as the solution to any disagreement.  It appalls me.For example, this last Friday two high school football teams got into a brawl on the field. The officials shut down the game and it is a forfeit for both teams. What is wrong with us?

But, those sentiments aside, I still honor and revere the courage folk who don the uniforms and go into danger when it is asked of them--from the American Revolution and even earlier to the current conflicts in various parts of the world. The best defense is still apparently a good offence at times or at least an obvious willingness to draw a line and hold it. I do not approve of this but for now there does not seem to be an alternative, so those who man that line have my heartfelt gratitude and support--regardless.

I no longer am active in the VFW Auxiliary or similar organizations but I carry those memories with pride
and am glad I did my bit when I did--handing out the little "buddy poppies" and collecting donations for aid to veterans and their families; marching in parades and taking part in ceremonies on various patriotic and military commemorations and working in my community for the good of all, as best I could. All of that is a part of my past that I feel good about. Here is a shot of me in the uniform worn by the color guard of VFW Post 10342. A National Commander visited us and told us that to the best of his knowledge ours was the only such group with both Post (actual vets) and Auxiliary (spouses, daughters etc) in a single unit with the exact same uniform. I was normally the "offiicial photographer" but I did march in some parades and carried the Auxiliary banner most of those times. My late husband was the captain and 'drill instructor' for most of that time and managed to get me to kinda march, two left feet and all!!

And last, a poem I wrote for the first Veteran's Day ceremony I took part in as an Auxiliary member.

Veteran's Day
I hear the drum roll in my mind
and then I see, before, behind,
the Silent Legions marching past
to join the Great Parade, at last....

From Flanders Fields and Iwo's sands,
from nameless near and distant lands
where they have fought and bled and died
for to uphold the Nation's Pride
and secure the Peace and Liberty
today enjoyed by you and me...

Each heart with praise should overflow
and gladly search for ways to show
that we remember and we care
and at least in spirit share
their sacrifice, their gift, their pain.
We know they did not die in vain.
   
The torch still burns: we carry on
 the flame kept bright by those now gone.
 They're marching still, they're fighting yet;
 and so must we...lest we forget.                 GMW, Nov 1986


Author's Note on Veteran’s Day:  Written for a tribute for Veteran's Day and first recited at a ceremony held by VFW Post 10342 and its Ladies Auxiliary on 11 November 1986 in Huachuca City, Arizona.  Permission granted to use at no cost for any patriotic purpose supportive of the sentiment in which it is written with credit of authorship to be given.  Published in an anthology by World of Poetry,   GMW

A footnote: The final phrase is a conscious and sincere homage to Kipling's powerful poem on a parallel theme which ends, "Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet, lest we forget. Lest we forget. I'd have to check but I think it referenced the Crimean War. I'll research and post that later. Kipling is a hero and inspiration of mine--loved all his work. GMW.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Fall advances

Yesterday Ginger and I took our morning walk along the dyke of the northeast drainage canal. Everywhere we could see signs of fall's advance.  The Salt Cedar (an invasive species but very common in the southwest) is turning a carroty rust color. These are shrubs or small trees with ferny looking foliage. You'd expect them to be evergreens but they are only semi-so. They are also called Tamarisk. In the spring they bloom with tiny pink flowers.

The sneeze weeds have gone to seed and are drying up. That is good! And a weedy grass called spangletop showed off its mauve-hued seed heads or panicles, looking  almost misty when the sun shines through them. Mesquite has gone a dull olive now with a few yellow leaves appearing. The quail, which pair up in late spring to mate and raise their clutches, are back in flocks now and scurry off as we pass near their groups. If we get too close, some fly with a great whir and rustle. Ginger wants to chase them!  So fall is here. There was even a white cap from the recent passing storm--that brought us only wind--on the conical peak that looms over Ruidoso and Capitan to the northeast of us. It is over 9000 feet high and was partly burned in last year's Little Bear Fire.

My apricot tree has gone a pretty golden shade and is now losing leaves in every breeze. I did get a picture
the other day. Isn't the gold lovely against the blue sky? Odd, the nectarine and a shade tree in the yard are still quite green. We were supposed to get a frost last night as there was a freeze warning all across southern New Mexico--about on schedule--but it did not get much under 40 at my house. Which is okay! I guess milder weather has its bad side as it goes with the drought that still prevails but I can't object.

With my Druid leanings and their connection to the earth and her seasons I cherish the chance to get out and witness the slow turning of the year's wheel and the subtle signs of each change as it shifts into place. Fall and spring are my favorites. I am less fond of winter although I recognize it is a key to the whole cycle. All of nature needs to rest, regroup and prepare to be active and fertile again when spring comes! Even me--who does slow down with less sun-energy!

The passing storms of course bring some clouds--though no rain here--and result in fabulous sunsets! I tend to take a lot more pictures now that I use a digital camera. It is nice not to have to worry about wasting film. So you snap away, delete the crummy ones at the first viewing and then download the rest to go through more carefully! So here are a couple of my fave new sunsets!  Do you see the dragons in the lower one? One has glowing eyes and the other flies the opposite way! We are blessed here with the most fantastic sunsets I have ever seen any place in my life, spectacular and rather frequent they are.

Last but not least, the night sky is spectacular too when the nights are clear. Favorite old friends in the sky look down as again the patterns shift for the season's change. The big triangle formed by the key stars of The Swan, Aquila and Lyra (also called The Owl) are well to the west now by dark and the swan dives almost straight into the horizon. Orion appears too and other constellations have moved on; the stars of summer are gone. But Cassiopeia, Cepheus, Auriga and others take their place.  I wrote a verse or two about this in the past.

            Late Fall Sky With Orion
Across the broad black bowl of night
The hunter strides his endless way,
His loyal pack hard upon his heels
Torch-bright until the dawn of day.
Perhaps he loves this solitude—
He hunts alone save for his hounds;
With kilt and sword he seeks his prey,
A Highland man who knows no bounds.

                        (c) GMW, 7 Dec 2011

            Winter Sky    
The swan with kami-kazi song
Its dagger drives into the west,
While eastward rising, beacon bright,   
With brilliant torch does Sirius light
The hunter’s way across the night,        
       Along the silver stream.     
Upon their thrones, the mythic pair
Reign over cold and darkness now.
And the fiery chariot of the north,
Led by Capella, flashes forth.   
Displayed on velvet, a fortune’s worth
      Of jewels may fill my dream.
                        (c) GMW, 1996


Friday, November 1, 2013

Introspective Verses

In the past I compiled two books of poetry, one commercially published and the other self-published in a very basic form for family and friends. The former is Walking Down My Shadows which is available from Eternal Press, now a subsidiary of Damnation Books.(No comment on the firm's name, please. I had nothing to do with it and do not either praise or condemn.) The other was Mother-Daughter Lines and included poems my mother had written which I found while going through her personal papers and souvenirs after her passing. There were some odd parallels in our writing such as the fact we both wrote our first simple verses at the age of eight! We also addressed similar topics at parallel stages or our growth and maturing. It was rather interesting and also odd so I put them in a book.

However I find there is a good bit of my work that didn't make it into either book. I'm collecting and reworking the earlier collections now. Some I have written since or found after the books were completed and others were left out to keep them from being even more top-heavy than they were!  I am such a wordy and prolific writer, often to my sheer chagrin! Much of it should be ruthlessly consigned to the flames but I cannot quite bring myself to do it. I'll leave that to my beleaguered heirs who will have to deal with my dubious legacy! I smirk a little, paraphrasing the little mot: I smile because you're my kids and laugh because there is not one thing you can do about it!

Anyway I came across a few verses recently that perhaps offer a streaked window into who and what I am and for what it's worth, I will share them here. Raspberries, boos and hisses or mild kudos are all acceptable as comments LOL. Poetry is a very personal and individual thing; these words won't say to most readers what I actually felt nor will any two read them exactly the same, I am sure. That is okay. Art of all kinds is subjective and everyone puts his or her unique perspective into viewing any work of art.

What, no pictures? Sorry, maybe tomorrow!

Two Verses, Dec 2011 (composed shortly after I moved into my current home)

            A Last Home
Coming home to a new place
That never has felt strange.
Hills and heat and dusty dry
Are all my heart’s home range.

Settling down in this new place
That’s never felt unknown;
Desert mountains edge the space
Like every home I’ve known.

I plant roses, dig my dirt
To stake my heart-home claim.
Feel a sense of deja-vu
As if it knew my name.

Maybe it’s the final home
That this life has for me.
If so I think I am content
And I will let it be.

            Relics and Ruins
Sifting through the ruins now—
Shards of dreams and long gone days--
I shake my head and wonder
At the tangle of life’s ways.
Souvenirs I chose to keep
And those I cast away
Strike me now both wise and strange
As I look on them today.
The one I used to be still lurks 
In who I have become;
Loves and dreams and plans built
This self, all I grew from.
The product of a rocky path—
Scars, obvious and unseen
Strength and courage to go on
To a future that seemed mean.
Yet it is good to be here now
Where I was meant to be;
The journey near an end somehow,
And the time for flying free.

And one written early this year: 

Turn Another Page...
Time to turn another page
As once again life changes.
We live, we grow, we learn, we age
As destiny rearranges
The pattern of our days.
We start in new directions.
Follow down new winding ways
And seek new intersections.

We shut the door behind
Though sometimes memories follow
To which we can’t be blind
However hard to swallow
Are those remnants of the past
Be they pleasant, raw or tragic
They are with us to the last
And by time’s fateful magic

They weave through the design
That makes us who we are
As pressure and heat refine
From dross the golden star.
Would we still be the same
If somehow we had missed
Each stumble, strike and blame
That comes as we exist?

We thrive on complication,
Threats, challenges and such.
Cloying sweet stagnation
Would smother us so much!
If life were bland and tame
And our strength never tested—
What purpose to a game
With no records to be bested?