The first half of 1965 seemed like a sequence of mostly dull, difficult and often depressing days. Caught up in my Eldest Daughter mindset, I would fret about many things I felt needed to be fixed or made better but for the most part I could not accomplish that. I often felt my parents were not stable, sane or rational and as badly as I often wanted to just vanish, I felt I had to do my best to take care of the animals and to some degree, my two brothers since I was the eldest. Charlie Mike was 13 1/2 and would graduate from 8th grade in May. Alex was six and had started first grade the previous fall. I'm sure Mom and Dad would vehemently deny it, but I often believed we three were pretty much left to raise ourselves and as the oldest, about to turn 22, I perceived it was my duty to do as much for the boys as I could.
Mar 20, 1965, Sat
I got up about the usual hour and did my morning chores. “They” had a row this morning about letters versus laundry. I hate those!! I rode Annie out to do the morning chores . All was okay. Up for mail. I didn’t dare to hope but I got a letter. Love is a horrible thing but I was so glad. Came home and watered everyone and helped Charlie Mike clean the corrals. Came up about 1:45 and helped Mom with the wash. We went out early to give worm medicine to the pasture stock. They all ate it perfectly, much to my surprise. I had envisioned a gruesome task indeed. We got done quite early and came in. I played more operetta records, drew some designs and got all cleaned up for a change. Viva. I started to reply to Dusty’s letter but it was too late so had to quit. Better take me off to bed pronto as it must be 11:00. A scandalous hour to be up, but it is Saturday. Dusty is not feeling well. He shouldn’t get the flu with his asthma. Wish I could be there to take care of him. He needs me, really.
The weather and how I felt notwithstanding, it was very rare that I did not get up and take care of the horses and mules we had in Clarkdale first thing in the morning. At times I also fixed some kind of breakfast and if it was cold, built up a fire in the wood stove in the living room. Weekdays I then went to the pasture, riding alone unless we were driving to haul hay or do some other extra job. Often Mom drove but I did most of the work. That was easier than if Dad drove --because he always saw things that needed to be taken care of right now and usually viewed them as evidence I had sluffed off and told me so in no uncertain terms.
Of course I looked forward to getting mail and while any letter was a treat, one from Dusty was special. For the time being, his outfit was at Flagstaff and they had a series of problems to include one of the material cars (an old wooden boxcar) catching fire--I am not sure the particulars but it was just next to his. I think they got it put out but most of the car was a total loss. While there, they tore down an old stock yard and built a new one and did a bunchof other bulding and repair work. The weather was mostly wet and cold with snow late into what should have been spring,. It wasn't as bad down in the Verde Valley but we did have more rain than usual. Puddles, mud, sloppy corrals and pens and slippery roads to the pasture... Made everything harder.
We gave the better quality horses worm medicine at regular intervals. I am not sure now what parasites it was to prevent. It was a powder that we mixed with grain or sweet feed and water to make a kind of mush. Sometimes they seemed to gobble it down with no problems but at times one or more would be finicky and not want to eat it. That was always "my fault" or at least that's how it felt to me from the bawling out I got. This time it went well and I was vastly relieved. It was aways good to get done and come in early--I could then do a few more things that I needed or wanted to for myself or my other interests which was a treat.
All this time, I was often worried about Dusty. He did have asthma which could be severe and with the harsh weather, and I felt sure not eating or sleeping as he should, he got colds and such as often as I did and I was very troubled about that. He worried about me too and wished he could be closer to help me out. It was a bit ironic I guess; we both were having a rugged time of things but were unable to do much to make anything easier for each other. I guess it helped to know someone did care. I do not remember whether the equinox was on the 20th or 21st that year but I was surely hoping that real spring would arrive soon and with it an end to the rain, less wind and warmer temperatures!
I will try to find a few photos. This was not a time when we took many. I don't have a lot of shots of Alex. but here is one, maybe a year or so earlier. The boys were both always thin; well, I was too, and to this day Charlie Mike hates short pants and never wears them. I don't recall that the grown up Alex cared. Next is both boys, a little better dressed since they were going to school I am sure. And last, Alex and me with one of the donkey foals. I think this was Robin, the offspring of a jenny named Lila. Baby donkeys are so cute!
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