Roadblocks, detours and delays. It just kept stretching out. When will the Finale come? The 4th and 5th I went back down, maybe just for one day. My notees were not clear, . Nick did not drive so I rode down with Louie and back with another driver I did not know. I was fighting off depression and it was hard. I still had too many things waiting to see what would happen and it had spread into my regular 'school' hours too. When I tried to back off trom the family equine stuff, I would think about Dusty and admit how much it hurt to have not heard from him for so long. I knew it would probably be a long time and maybe never again but I had to wonder "Why did he have to pull the pin on me now? At this time? I need something to clng to so much!" But he could not know, I expect. Later I learned a lot more of the why and realized it was not his choice, but fate and reality. So on...
Nov 8, Wednesday
Here I am just wasting time when I should be doing soemthing useful but I don't have my government book with me and I don't feel like reading Marketing. I just got a letter from Mom. She is planning to get to Prescortt this week. I hope she will make it. The hearing is to be next Tuesday. I do not know yet whether I shall go or stay this weekend. That remains to be seen and depennds on how things work out. I may just stay, study, sew, and watch the rail and then go next weekend if she has not left by then. Perhaps she could come to Flag with me and take the train east then. We'll see. I wrote to Jim last night; perhaps I shouldn't have but...he has not been incontact at all and with the people he knows and has to work with, the Morgan fiasco has to put a big shade on me. But I do seriously need somebody for a male friend if I cannot quite manage a lover for the time being. I should go todayand have a chest x-ray and a flu shot if the unit is still there when I go to change my sheets after lunch. I really cannot afford to get down sick this year and 50 cents is a small price to pay for an ounce of prevention. My paragraphing is atrocious. I throw together all sorts of unrealted ideas. Let's see. Tonight is Rodeo Club. I must remember to take Coleen's purse. Then ,I need to write Linda and Shirl, wash my hair and read some psych or marketing. Tomorrow morning I must finish the Govt reading and study/review on it in the evening after Mom calls. I have been in an awful mood for three days--not unusual when I am due and late. My system is really screwed up. I never know when to expect the monthlies anymore but I used to be pretty regular. No doubt I shouid go and have a check-up but I keep putting it off along with getting work on my teeth. It is so easy to get to where you just don't give a hang so long as it is not agonizingly painful. I am wearing the new red shirt today and just thought if it fades on my pink shell, I will be really ticked. Had better go as it is almost time for accounting, then an hour of govt and finally lunch and "freedom.'"
The rest of the week passed unwritten. Again my memorywavers and things do not quite seem to match up and make sense. Why would Mom got to Prescott midweek unless Dad insisted to meet her? She could not leave before the hearing and whatever evolved then, anyway. She had considered going to Phoenix and taking a bus to Kentucky. I was almost admanat that she and Alex needed to take the train and was more than willing to make reservations and get the tickets, paying them myself. I know that Leo, Lyno and Buzzie were gone and I think someone had taken Chief. I must have arranged for Twinkles and Cyn Mas as well but the details were never recorded. Charlie Mike had given Ringo to the landlord so there were no more animals to care for, at least.
Another forgotten thing--I knew Mom had someone drive the big Green Ford to Prescott with some stuff they still had in it but then what? The stuff was stored in the warehouse with the part they did not claim, but I know we/they never got the truck back. Did she sell it? Did they seize it? Charlie Mike was gone so he may not know. Alex qwould but I never thought to ask him and now he has been gone twenty years! I did go back down once more I know but that is for the last two Novermber memories.
Phootos: A year or two earlier but memories... Charlie Mike holding Buzzie with the F750 in the background. We did get good use out of that truck after trading foer it in about 1960. And Alex on Leo, much earlier that summer. I honor both my brothers and two of the special horses. All of their lives were changed so drastically in a couple opf months. Someday and some way our male partent will have to answer for that. Perhaps he has but I want to hear it also!
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