Memoir Monday, March 4, 1966 Fri

 With the added leap year day, we now move the corresponding days from Saturday to Friday. More or less interesting? Big Shrug ~ Mostly not much different. This one slid by fairly easy but it was the last to do so for some time.

March 4, 1966

Today was pretty good. At least Dusty and I got together. I got up reluctantly and went down to feed. We wasted no time on confabs this morning and Mom and I were back from the pasture by 10:00. I saddled Annie, watered quickly and took off for Cottonwood. I had the fidgets and got my lost filling replaced. I dawdled along home; no sign of Moonspinner so I went uptown for mail. Charlie Mike got a letter from Twyla but that doesn’t help me much.  I rode around down the back way. Barner was still there so I sneaked up and found ‘Spinner was there too. In fact Dusty was preparing to pull the T'bird to start it. So I finally met the infamous Barner face to face. He’s a fink, really. “Maybe that thing can pull me,’ he said, looking at Annie.  I was offended of course. She is no "thing"! Dusty looked up with his eyes suddenly eager and alive but only said,  “What you got there?” rather off-handed. I rode on while they worked around. He caught me by the Y. For a minute I thought he’d go on but he didn’t. He got out and came around the car. “Where are you heading?” “Home” I said, coolly. But I melted quickly. His apology was stumbling but sincere. His eyes probed my face and sought mine as he leaned on Spinner’s top and moved his hands restlessly. He has ‘personal problems’ and still isn’t feeling good but will try to come over next week. I’d like to choke Marie with my bare hands. I used not to mind but I can’t stand it any more. The sly and mean way she does things to make it harder for him. I think of her as a fat bitchy thing. Perhaps she’s not but her image of me is probably not too complimentary either. So we parted, too soon and with too little said but our eyes had told one another “I love you.” It had to be enough for the time and place. I came home, had lunch and saddled Leo to go for a ride. I went up to the plant and came down the highway. He moved out nice and easy. He’s a damn fine horse. I gave Charlie Mike his letter when he got home. He about had a fit. We did the home chores and messed around until the Boss got home. He hadn’t made great progress; these things are always so slow. That’s legal crap for you. I haven’t felt too hot today. Today is 27 days so I really should tonight. I have a suspicious backache so maybe I am. I have not touched my lover since since Feb 11 or even been kissed since the 4^th. I miss him so bad I could flip. I just ached to reach out and touch him today. Apparently things have been pretty rough for him lately. He had to drive to Flag Tuesday night to get his paperwork in and got caught in the storm and a roadblock. My poor sweetie; it breaks me up for him. I spent the evening playing records and writing to him. At least I am reassured he isn’t trying to get rid of me or anything like that. I can sympathize with troubles because I’ve been down that road too. I love him, I really do: day and night and all the time, with all of me that there is to love. Can’t help it and don’t want to. Someday I’ll be glad, gladder.

Barner was a newer young guy on B&B6. He had told Dusty he wanted to meet me and was 'interested', I think not really knowing our relationship.  Dusty duly related that to me but I was not interested even if he did drive a Thunderbird--cannot recall much about the car; I vaguely recall it may have been pink (?) and year maybe 60 or so--nor that he allegedly had a horse. Somehow I thought he was Mormon (LDS) and that did not interest me either.  Then when he referred to my good old Annie mule as "that thing" he drove the last nail in his coffin for me! Twyla was the daughter of a burro crane operator for the ATSF; he had his family along while he worked here for awhile and she and Charlie Mike  got acquainted and corresponded after they left.

Dusty was having a  lot of problems over Johnny and the negative influences his mother exerted and her whole attitude of being n longer married except for the income and other tasks he was supposed to do but he still was as far as independence went or even having a separate life...legally yes, I suppose, but separated is separated!! 

I had been riding and training Leo for some time. Probably spent less time on him than on the two young mares, Buzzie and Lyno, but he had come along very well and was becoming  good reliable horse though still a stallion. He had a power and drive that the mares did not have which I enjoyed.He was fun to ride and you could feel his controlled energy. 

Dad had gone to Prescott, having recently begun dealing with another (a new) attorney on a zillion different lawsuits and issues he was pursuing, always expecting a good settlement and almost a public apology for all the evil acts and damages he had suffered. Immaterial that the family was impacted too and I suppose might have benefited if anyof it ever worked out though of course it did not. But it was always first and mostly about him. No wonder I get some PTSD flashbacks when I hear some of the rhetoric of our former President and his incredible situations--it sounds way too familiar. Charlie Mike and I both get upset about all that. 

Well, what for photos?  An old shot with Annie under saddle. She was not especially photogenic but she was a good reliable mule and I used her a lot with pleasure. She was generally steady and also willing. Of course Leo was one of my favorites. He was early in his training here so probably '65 rather than '66. He was a good looking horse, pretty much classic middle-of-the-road (not super bulked up or very lean for racing) old line type Quarter Horse look.  His color was distinctive, basically gray but with a hint of buckskin and blue roan, both subtle in his undercoat.