Memoir Monday, Jun 30, 1967

 Little to reconstruct from as I wrote nothing for a week or more about this point.. There were a few events or non-events that I alluded to after the long holiday weekend. I will try to unravel that. The one page I wrote follows. It was on Monday, June 26.

By the time the weekend rolled around, and the Independence Day holiday was coming up, I think I was not enthused to go back and that weekend stretched with an extra day. For several I wrote not at all. That will pick up with the next week's, I guess, since that Friday would be July 7. 

Monday, June 26, 1967. 

Monday again. It wasn't a bad weekend at home. Saturday I got to drive all the way to Camp Verde and back. I do like driving. Didn't ride much. It was miserably hot and the cooler is on the blink.  Last night I came back up on the bus. Mama Witt had been trying too call so I called her. I'd been surprised to see a message in my box.  I reassured her, I think,. At least I tried. I am not sure what Mom had been writing in recent weeks. But probably not very cheerful!

Now I've already changed the sheets and done my washing, Lynn and I went to breakfast this morning, not a real usual thing. I'm ready to go off to classes in about half an hour. It's hard to write anymore --not much happens. At least now I don't have to worry so much. For now, the madness of last week has calmed down. Gotta go home again next weekend but meanwhile I'll just sit back and relax through this week.  Have to run a bunch of errands today after lunch so may go to the library to study tonight. May, that is. Now if only Dusty would call, I'd feel nearly okay about almost everything. But he could be anywhere, like flat on his back in a hospital with asthma like this time last year.  Darn, I should not worry so, but I do...

A few minor explains: The cooler was a window one-room air conditioning unit that was in the living room at Clarkdale. Mostly Dad worked in there on his legal and paper stuff,  so  Charlie Mike and I both avoided it most of the time. We'd rather sweat than get any of those  lectures! I am pretty sure the water was shut off at this time so we would take the seven  horses to the river to drink, often twice a day. .Luckily Buzzie and Leo were gentle and reliable now and we did not even have to saddle up. The others led well enough also. One of us would ride Leo and lead Chief and maybe one of the mares or fillies if they were clearly not in season.  The other on Buzzie would have a handful of  three on lead.There was one young donkey too; not sure what we did for him.  As to driving to Camp Verde, not sure why. Maybe to get feed or groceries rather than shop in local store.  Maybe had too big a bill at the Clarkdale or Cottonwood store and did not want a hassle about that being paid? Things were so haywire at this point. How in any holy name did the Old Man think he could go on existing that way? There is no answer except he was truly detached from all reality.I was so grateful to have a place to go and get away from it. I felt so sorry for Charlie Mike and even Alex, for he was now old enough to see how effed up things were.

Pictures are scare!. Flagstaff was lovely in the summer and that was a bright spot in my weeks there in 1967. I enjoyed it every year  from 1967, 1968, 1969 and half of 1970. I wish I had more photos, many were lost when my hard drive died in 2018. We have never been able to get any of it reclaimed. Two views were probably out near Lake Mary and one at the snow bowl  ski area and summer hiking region on the San Francisco Peaks. That was roommate Lynn's Chevy Nova--nice car!

  

 

Memoir Monday, June 23, 1967

 So another week slides by, too easy, too fast and it feels like more of the same dull beads slipping along a a cord, a rosary of my days. What stations do they pass? What prayers or offerings are needed? Looking back so very far it feels strange, almost unreal. This week back then I actually wrote a page on two days, Monday, June 19 and Friday, June 23. This post is for the 23rd but I will put them in chronological order to save any extra explanations or repetitions. Let's time travel. 

Monday June 19, 1967

I may as well leave off trying to keep a diary or journal. The days are mostly routine with minor joys and sorrows and an occasional accomplishment. Today I got a $50 check and a nice letter from Uncle Dan. I put half of it in my account, paid off my record bill, and kept the remainder. I made a 1 on my first Econ test. The first in Stats tomorrow. It was a dull, lonely weekend as Lynn took off and I was all alone. Still no word from Dusty. Will I ever? Maybe I will get a letter from Jim tomorrow. That is a poor second  best but I want to do something besides make 1s and dream about Prince Charming.  I'm coming down with a bad case of the blues--better snap out of it, girl. Everything is too easy. I should go look for a job. I am really an awful coward...

Friday, June 23, 1967

Summer--three days old now.It feels like summer, too, except for the wind. I feel sick as a dog. Too many worries plus two cups of coffee on an almost empty stomach. It was sure not considerate of the Boss to say he'd come by and tell me what all had happened and then to disappear without a word. especially after telling me all those gruesome tales. I sure had a doozy of a nightmare last night. We were tangling with a bunch of the local 'enemies'.* I sassed them some and started to leave and this Chinese guy threw a silver wedge/ax/ knife/star at me. The device settled in my head, right at the temple. I kept thinking they would catch me but they didn't. Somehow I staggered up to Jerome and banged on Jimmy Mac's door. I collapsed at his feet when he opened it. I had blood crusted in my hair and on my face. He said he'd take me to the  hospital and I screamed. "No! No,they will kill  me! Take me over to Prescott." I wanted to go to Whipple but of course couldn't so chose the County Hospital instead.  That was about the end. Geez, I mean it was gnarly. Lynn said she didn't sleep well either.  I don't think I was yelling...  Of course I am worried about Dusty, too. I'm not even sure he found the numbers but he must have since I am positive he was there that Tuesday to get part of his stuff.  But I really do wish I knew how and where he is. I'd like to call but don't know where or what I'd say depending on who might answer. 

A kind of diatribe follows; read at your discretion. 

*As to those "enemies",  they were named in the original narrative. I have not done so here out of respect for younger generations who were generally not responsible.  First I freely acknowledge that my male parent was an unmitigated asshat  and  brought a great deal of the issues on himself. However, I have to say in his behalf that he was an extreme narcissist but also had severe mental illness such as delusions of many kinds, major paranoia and possibly others.  I think he often felt he was literally fighting for his life, and acted that way. This fact was established in court that fall on another issue. While none of that excuses much he did, it was a proximate cause and verified fact. 

My major issue with those now unnamed people is how they were not abashed, actually almost seemed delighted to go after me and my brother without mercy and did so. I was a legal adult, thus not free of blame, although the psychology of enmeshed families was not well understood then so I might plead some immunity in that circumstance.  However,  Charlie Mike was **fifteen** at this time, legally a minor and thus a 'child' under the law. The abuse and hatefulness he was subjected to is inexcusable IMO. I cannot forgive it or those who did it. That level of abusive meanness was totally uncalled for. A few did step in and try to help him, one especially being Tom Henry, then a teacher as Mingus. I honor him for his decency and humanity, even while under political pressure of the school board which included some of those most bent on "getting even." Charlie Mike never forgot him and I did not either.  May he rest now in well-earned peace. 

Even after the whole family was out of the state, an effort was made to subpoena and drag me back from Flagstaff. I suspect the instigator wanted to seize the few horses I had taken charge of and was finding good homes for so I could realize no benefit from them. That was personal and I am still angry. I believe Dr McDonald intervened and quashed that effort. I was never arrested or brought to court. I did rehome them and got a half-penny on the dollar of their true value but it was far more important to me to see them in good  trustworthy homes which I did.  I still damn the greed and hate that drove such an ill-intended effort.  I will not forget, not ever.  Make of all this what you will.  At least it may explain some of my fierce aversion to the current political situation which has given me recurring to almost constant PTSD. 

Photos: All a few years earlier but just to remind myself and my readers about how we lived and what our lives were like when a group of adults who were mad at our father decided we were as guilty if not more.  We obviously really needed to be "put in our place",  no? Who was I, a toxic, trashy Morgan,  to be highest in my class and actually go to college? And who was Charlie Mike to even exist in the same world they and their offspring  did?  I try not to be bitter since it is all far in the past. I do not always succeed however. 

Memoir Monday, June 16, 1967

Ended this week back at the U after a long but also fast two weeks down in the valley, a time tangled in trauma, trouble, dread and uncertainty about much of the future.  But all things do pass, this epoch not completely or for some time but it did.

June 16, 1967 a Friday

Already? One week of summer school gone, just like that. Had a quiz in Econ today which I think I did okay on. Got a letter from Jim on Wednesday which I answered last night.  Wednesday night I was home--I had to deliver some "documents" to Dr D Bright and Sam Slaughter. We came back up early on Thursday  I now have rugs on the floor and my phonograph to play. That's nice, no? Jim was very apologetic and signed 'love' which seems to be his habit now. I've got to to establish a positive schedule to get more done. I can't afford to let the whole summer slip away from me. I went to the library to study last night. I am going to have to work to get A/1 in these two classes. Got some photos back. I'm going to send some to Charlie Mike plus a radio battery and any other treat I can think of because he had to miss the trip yesterday. Someone apparently had set fire to Twinkles' feedbox and we saw it just as we were leaving so he got out and stayed. I got a letter from Mary that came to Clarkdale. She is in California now. I gave the folks $50 and have the same in the bank. Haven't paid RCA yet but I'm not really sure what I owe so I'll wait on a bill.  It is now 1:00 pm and I guess I'll go uptown in a little while. Lynn has probably taken off with her guy.Just have to bea back by 6:000 for dinner.  None of mine are here. I wish Dusty would call. They brought his old 193680 back to the outfit in Clarkdale on Tuesday., Have the popcorn popper here now too, so I can cook some with it, heat stuff. anyway Guess I'll say Hasty Luegi (the cook at a busy pizza parlor, you know) Oooow, that is corny!

Explains? The'documents' were part of some lawsuit crap. I just acted as a process server, unofficial, of courses. Dr Bright was on the Clarkdale City Council  then and Slaughter was or had been the brand inspector.  Was the feedbox fire the next day related? Have no clue. There had been odd acts of vandalism for months but I was never sure of the cause or the perps. I had thought the foreman car came back sooner but this seems accurate.  I had two or three Good Will rugs I used to warm the cold tile floor in my room. Recall they were pink and fairly light.

So back to the prior weekend or at least my return on June 12. What went on from June 13-15 was not recorded except a bit on Friday. I think I stayed on campus for the next weekend after the brief visit midweek..

June 12, 1967 The "vacation" is all over, Last night the old Silver Eagle sped me up the road and dropped me off at the south entrance gate to campus. Walking, I was picked up  by a sharp looking guy in a convertible from whom I will probably never see or hear of again and he delivered me to the dorm. I climbed the stairs and opened the door to 323 to find I had a roommate. I really think I'l be glad. I thought she'd be a cat, but she's nice, tall and lean, a little like Maureen and teaches PE at Tuba City. She comes from a ranch in New Mexico. Her name is Lynn Erickson.  I had dreaded the day but there was not a slip. It all rolled off smooth as satin. Now to hit two courses for five weeks and make some more ones. Statistics is going to be hard, I fear, but I'll work on it. I've got to see about a job--maybe I could babysit from 1:00 to 5:00 for older students back for continuing education etc. It is almost too quiet after the noise at "home". Lynn is very quiet. So far I have had phenomenal luck with roommates. Registration is over and I ran through $200 of the $300 I got.  I am taking Economics I and Statistics, five mornings a week and done before noon. All I have to buy now is one more book. I'm really tired but I had dinner and took a nap. The cafeteria is a fair walk away, the one the athletes use in the regular year, where Mary worked. It is 8:00 now and I am wishing Dusty would call.. Oh, I got my last semester grades. I did okay on that home stretch and came in under the wire.  Five lovely ones!!! I could hardly believe but very happy!! A couple were very unexpected!  Man and the Arts--wow, that class had been so dismal and I was sure Dr Smallwood hated me!

A few random pictures:  An example of a Continental Trailways bus like I traveled in a lot  for a couple of years. It seems they had once been affiliated with the AT&SF but how and when I don't know.Then another view from my Wilson room--dark and poor shot. I cannot identify the cafeteria here. At that time this was the far south end of campus!  I never got a picture of Lynn but recall her as tall, blonde and rather athletic looking. We got along flawlessly but hardly associated on a social level. Last is a very old shot from spring 1958 which shows the corrals in Clarkdale much as they were until the last with a few more pens tacked on. This was when we traded two mules with the Grand Canyon ride concession. One wrangler and Charley Bryant were talking while Dad and the head wrangler. finished the swap.  

Monday Memoir, June 9, 1967

June 9, 1967, Friday

 More of the same?  I did get a bit of sewing done, mostly just to pass the time since I could not ride all day every day. I did not record it, but a vague memory says B&B 6 may have been taken out this week, (No, it wasn't until some weeks later.) From now on that siding will always be empty to me, the few times I am here, whether or not anything is parked there.  An era has ended, for how long or how permanently I cannot begin to guess. It is sad, more sad than I am really prepared to deal with. I refuse to say it is really the end; I still trust it never will be, but why and how, only time will tell. This is such a damned shame, so wrong, and an event I had no way to anticipate. Not even a month ago, we were making plans for the summer. The loss now is almost devastating. I have to learn to  compartmentalize many aspects of my life at this point. Otherwise I would have simply spirit-broken and almost gone out like a light.

My recollection of this second week is dim, vague and hazy. I am sure I was mad at the folks and upset about their attitude in continuing to expect to claim the two run down houses by adverse possession. That idea was so blatantly ridiculous and doomed NOT to work but I could not tell my male parent *anything*. There was no use trying. Looking back it is almost amazing  he often drove me back to Flagstaff or made sure I caught the bus in Cottonwood the other times. I would have expected him to throw some kind of tantrum or create roadblocks because I cannot believe he really wanted me to be doing that. Still, for that first year and a bit more I managed to give them money several times and I guess that was--appreciated? Welcome,  anyway. I never ran short as I was generally thrifty and then I did get some help from Uncle Dan and the monthly $5 or more from Grandma Witt. Somehow something always came through when I was scraping bottom. 

At this first break, I was proud of myself, and not abashed to say so. I had  managed to adjust and actually adapt to the new routine of study, classes, tests, and not give in to my doubts and fears of inadequacy.  I'm not sure why I even had them, for I had done well in high school but those four years had eroded my self image so very badly. I can't explain it any other way. I really did doubt I could do anything, at least do it right, do it well and succeed beyond barely okay. .I have to credit my guardian angel and at that time unnamed Female Divinity for staying with me. They were  always streaming support and comfort in silent, nearly intangible ways.  They took care of me and sustained me when I became deeply depressed.  To this day, I thank them. I know they always have been with me; I am alive today because of them.

In closing, I do not recall any huge blow ups and very few especially happy or uplifting moments.  The hours I spent with Charlie Mike were good; by then we had worked together so long it was almost habitual to have each other's backs and see where something was needed.  I know he trusted and counted on me and I surely did on him. I was able to spend a bit of time with Alex, too. He was growing and maturing, eight at the time. He was very bright and understood  much beyond his chronological age so we could actually talk about things and did. I joked with him but was often serious too.

I made it through that next weekend (June 10-11) and on Sunday night caught the old Silver Eagle to space and time-travel to my other world.  I did not take all I wanted to, but already planned to be back down the next weekend so that would be all right. 

Pictures? Despite the gloom and doom that was too prevalent, I held  hope and confidence as I started on the next step in my efforts.  I still counted on hearing from Dusty in time and knew I could not solve the folks' problems so it was pointless to fret about them. That was hard to do at times, but I did try--very determinedly! So here are skies to reflect the mixed impressions. The first is the dark and ominous events which had been hinted at for weeks and now became real. Next was a sunrise, brilliant and somehow promising brighter times. Last an odd one--the bluer area to\the middle right  looks like a path of stairs leading upward. I called it "stairway to heaven." It was a "gift photo" I hardly knew I had taken until I studied the picture.   These were all from Alamogordo but to me feel evocative and illustrative of this tumultuous time I could and did not capture any other way.

Monday Memoir, June 2, 1967

 During the two weeks back in Clarkdale that began on Saturday, May 27, I wrote not a line. There was very little good or uplifting to discuss but I hit a few higher spots on the period when I was back in Flagstaff on June 12.  Most of what I will write here on this first week is reconstructed from memory.

To begin I am almost sure I actually got 'home' Saturday May 27 though both possibilities are hinted at in my notes. It did not matter greatly.  At any rate, I learned fairly soon from Charlie Mike that Dusty had probably been fired. I'm not sure how he had heard this but it proved not to be a  false rumor.  B&B 6 was still there as they had not yet moved, but due to the holiday weekend, no one was around. I did manage to slip a note into the message can with my new telephone and room number at least. I had gotten them when I took my stuff over to Wilson Hall before I left Flag.

This sudden shocking  event was confirmed on the morning of May 30 when the crew got back from the holiday. Of course there were officials and others around so there was no way I could go over and even speak to Dusty. There was nothing 'official' about our relationship at that point except between the two of us and I would just have added confusion and maybe worse if I showed up. We did see he was there, anyway, and I was fairly sure he found my note.  I believe the local came in that day. By Thursday, at the latest, they cut Dusty's camp car out of the consist and took it away for a few days. 

Charlie Mike and I guessed they took it to Kingman which was his home of record so he could get his things out, then took it on to the new foreman's location to get his possessions and brought it back. I knew Dusty had a couch, a desk, a few chairs, a bed and a refrigerator that were his and of course his personal things.  I have no idea what he managed to do with it all because he had been renting a small trailer to live in and he was now unemployed.   

Despite this shock and anguish, about which both Charlie Mike and I carefully said no word in our parent's hearing,  everything else was fairly 'typical' of the situation at home at that time. We had animals to take care of and tried to get them exercised, fed and watered.  School at Mingus was not quite out yet  so Charlie went up to Jerome for a few more days as I took the chores back. I rode Buzzie quite a bit. She had picked up some and was doing better. The others were all okay.. I was too busy and really hardly dared try to go check the message can. There was more than enough to keep me distracted and constrained. If Dusty left me anything, I never found it. Probably there was nothing or the can probably fell unnoticed when they uncoupled the two cars anyway. 

I went to the Mingus graduation with Charlie Mike, not sure of the date, probably June 7 rather than May 31 but do not know. We took the bus up from Clarkdale. I saw almost no one I knew and felt misplaced and lonely.  I did not speak to Jim at all as he was running around and Charlie Mike said there was now a rumor I was PG and he was the father so low profile seemed the best . I later wrote him a somewhat  sharp letter since I was slightly offended anyway. He apologized later and it was okay on  through the summer.

The conflicts in which the folks were increasingly more deeply involved were  accelerating at a geometric rate. I began to suspect it all would end very badly which it did eventually, late in the summer.  The summer was not off to an auspicious start at that point anyway. I was glad I had someplace to go back to, actually very thankful. I am not sure if B&B 6 was soon moved or not, probably later than mid June. For me though, that siding was now forever empty. I had photographs and memories and that was all that remained. 

Photos: I'd just do dark clouds but as I said, it was not really the end for everything yet but definitely not all right. So some other scenes:  First the empty Clarkdale rail yard. This was from late spring 1965 but the view was the same except the smelter stack was now gone  Next is Buzzie; she was a bit skinnier than this at that time but rough coated as she had not been brushed out much from spring shedding. And last, this was in Whetstone many years later but the feeling of foreboding comes through very strong. It felt like a loaded pack to me  at first as I started back to Flagstaff. 

Monday Memoir, May 26, 1967

 Quite a few things were ending this week. I never had Mary for a roommate again though we stayed friends for many years. I never lived in  Morton Hall again. I did eat in the same dining hall the next year and had several of the same professors for other classes during the next three years while I finished both my degrees. Change and continuity. Is that not how life is? 

Again I did  not write every day.  I did on Sunday, May 21 so I will start there. 

May 21, Sunday

A week from this morning I will wake up 'at home.' But there is a lot to do twixt now and then. It is about 9:00 . I slept late this morning and feel terribly lazy. I saw The Joker is Wild and A Portrait of Jennie om TV last night. the latter was really good, weird but really good. Mary and I gave the room a good cleaning last evening and then went out for Pizza at the Stein Club and later cherry pie a la mode at Chez Bon. That was our final fling. I hardly got a railroad car number today.  Maybe I will number the yard and watch the rail today.

I kept wondering if B&B 6 moved yesterday. They were thinking that was happening soon. Last night I dreamed of Dusty and the night before of finding a note in the can when I went home. For some weird reason I think I will see him or he'll call. I;m probably wrong but maybe. I am kind of dreading finals but I guess I'll do okay. That 3 on Man and the Arts music test was the lowest grade I've gotten all semester. At least my scholarship is renewed regardless. That is a big help. I still haven't heard about summer school but I suppose that's going through all right. Friday I went to see Mrs White at Wilson. She really looks like the madame of a bordello. I don't know where they get all these old whores to be housemothers! But I think I'll be able to move down on Saturday, anyway. By then the tests will be over. I think I need to walk today. My dream 'turned me on'. We were in bed together . He was wearing long johns and I was wearing something odd! We had to be quiet so as not to wake someone up. Yes, it was weird. 

 I then said I had to get an hour of sun. I was determined to get a tan. With all my pretty summer pastels to wear I do not want to be too pale.  I am going to lighten my hair again too. Rumor had it there were a lot more men on campus in summer, not just frat rat kid.s. Maybe I could look around.... Dusty was always first but he gets here so little and is gone so much...

Later that day or early Monday I wrote a bit more. "Classes are over. It is that long stretch down to the wire now. So far I have run a pretty good race but now is when the real test of heart and stamina comes. I think I can make it though. If Dusty calls, I will have nothing to tell him yet but it could not be helped. Somehow we'll get it worked out. I don't think he wants to disappear on me now.

May 25, Thursday

This was the last full day I covered for the week.  "At 9:20 I'm all alone in room 109. I saw Mary off on the bus and she's home now. I think I blew the M&TA test. and not the top off, either. But I think I did pretty well on the accounting test. I hope so, anyway. I'll check and see if the grades are posted tomorrow. Yesterday I sold some of Mary's and my books for $10.00. I spent a little, bought a copper donkey pin for her and a little appy colt statuette for me.Last night we finished packing her things . We both had an 8:00 final test today. I shopped and loafed this afternoon, bought a can of cashews and came back to finish my packing except for the last minute things. Went to dinner, took a nap and watched TV. It's going to be lonesome for the next two nights. I've  got to check and see that I'll have money for the summer so I'll know where to move. I could stay up late and sleep in tomorrow but I have promised myself I'd go to the library and study for the history test which is at 3:00. I want badly to get a 1 on it,. I wish I'd get four ones again but I doubt I will. At least I have $7.00 for Charlie Mike for his books. He is pretty worried about that and I can't blame him. I don't think I have any bills to pay and I should get several bucks more for the rest of the books and may get my $5.00 breakage deposit back from the Bio lab.   I wish my beloved would call..."

And that was the last I wrote until June 12, when I was back on campus to begin the summer sessions. I know I stayed Friday evening, moved my things down to Wilson and got the phone and room number on Saturday, and did find my tuition and expenses were covered for the summer with a total of $600. I did not know how the grades turned out until later. 

Just oldpPhotos--kind of a goodbye to Morton Hall and a hello to Wilson where I would spend the summer. It was not bad but I did not care much for what was then the south campus. Wilson was big; it is still there but has been modernized and modified over the years. My room was on the 3rd floor, I think right of the entrance in this photo..

Memoir Monday, May 19, 1967

May 19, 1967

A fragmented week, in many ways.  I skipped writing most days. So I will pick up briefly the weekend of May 13-14 which I spent at Clarkdale.  

I rode both days  and sewed a bit also getting two dresses and a blouse finished. I also left a note in the new message can Dusty had told me about at the end of the cook car next to his car's corridor end door. .I managed to ride both Leo and Chief , Leo even bareback. He is such a sweetie for a young stallion! The whole bunch was picking up some and looking better, which lightened my concerns a bit. Charlie Mike and  I met the new track inspector who took Earl's place.  I noticed he was 'cute' and  and young!  I gave Alex the copy of Tom Sawyer  I had found at Good Will, slightly early for his birthday, May 17.  He was eight and reading at probably close to high school freshman level. He was always very bright.

May 15, Monday.  Instead of taking the bus, the Boss drove me back Monday morning.We went very fast when we could so were there at 8:15 or so. I  grabbed a quick shower, started on my accounting assignment--a final one?-- and prepared for the day. It was cool and breezy, not real spring in the high country yet.

May 16, Tuesday. This was my day! (or so I said) . I got a 1 on my term paper, viva and cheers. "An excellent example of what a term paper should be," said Dr McFarlane. I think that was the conservation one.  After getting the accounting done and having dinner, I went to work seriously  packing. I boxed all my winter clothes up and got out mostly summer things. (They would be in my suitcase to have handy after I came back for the summer sessions.) I tried on a bunch of clothes for Mary and gave her a blouse and a dress, my old nylon floral that I wore to the Senior Reception when I was a Junior at Mingus! I had not had some of them on for years. At 10:00 I was dead dog tired and realized I had missed the band concert. Shame on me--not. Tomorrow will be busier and I am dreading the practical exam in Biology.but I don't care too much. Today I am happy--you have to have a good day now and then

There was nothing more until May 21, past the 19th, Friday I did not go to the valley and spent a weekend continuing the winding down and finals preparation from the prior week.  By then there was just that week's five days to complete. and it would be over--year 1 of my college time, that is.

As for photos? Really nothing. I'll find something but they may not be too relevant!  Okay, so: Alex on Leo spring 1967. Alex was about eight and not real sure about being up on the horse by himself.  He was never much into cowboy things!  Leo was 100% trustworthy or I would not have done it. Next the Santa Fe Chief, west bound Train 3, near the depot in Flagstaff and the rarely used bridge I often sat on or near. Finally, B&B 6, probably earlier but showing\the big silver cook car and Dusty's camp car just next to it, this side of the truck,. The message can was in that area between them where the two were coupled,  intentionally not very obvious...

Memoir Monday, May 12, 1967

The rest of  May was really catch as catch can. There were fun times and dull ones, days I did not make or find time to write a line and a few I covered in detail. So be warned it will be rambling, disjointed and  somewhat sketchy for awhile. really mostly until mid June.  There was one more weekend at home before I went down for the break between the regular spring term and the summer sessions but mostly I was in Flagstaff until the last Friday of May. 

May 12, 1967

I had not planned or expected to do it but Dad and Charlie Mike came up and met me about 3:30 when I got out of my last class.  We actually did not leave until later, and I did not explain why. Dad was doing something? I had dinner with Mary, and then went up to the depot with Charlie Mike, told him my latest and then we left about 7:30. Mrs Griffin, the house mother, was bit grumpy-not sure why-but no matter. I had to hear all about their "air raid" (what the heck was this? I have no memory! and wrote no details.) and "a bunch of other stuff." All the drama and disruption going on at the time.   In the long run the unexpected change was okay and did not upset my schedule or plans much. We stayed up late that night talking, 

So back to the prior weekend and the rest of this week. Saturday, May 6, I started the day munching toast and planned my day. It looked like pretty weather. I walked a bit, checked the rail yard and got an ice cream cone. Watched a movie on TV--Steve McQueen in Baby The Rain Must Fall.. Of course I was reminded of Dusty. Also finished reading Catcher In the Rye by J.D. Salinger. I said he really understood kids, not just the nice ones! That evening Mary got started packing and before we were done we'd packed about 75% of her stuff.  Pat and Becky, two hall mates, drove us up to the bus station and we sent it off to Tucson. 

Sunday I did laundry and went shopping, watched the rail and relaxed but did my accounting assignment for Monday to keep ahead. I checked Dr McFarlane's office and saw I got 81 on the History test but it was the highest grade--small consolation. I want a 1 in there! I started packing some Sunday while Mary was at church and was aghast how much junk I had. I should throw a lot more away! I have thrown away so much since the fall of 1965 but it still seems to grow.

Monday arrived and I said "Well, wasn't that a swingin' weekend?" In some ways it was.  I got a mild sunburn  trying to tan a bit inside the quad. Early Sunday night I woke with a bad case of cramps, not what I had wanted for sure. But in 48 hours I was all done for that round so no major issue. My normal schedule was 22-24 days but usually going no more than 40-48 hours. Except for the cramps, mostly painless. My system was definitely odd. 

Then Tuesday came and up to a point it was a very routine day. I had the usual light T/TH class load and manged to walk to town to mail some things. After English I lay down for a short nap. There was a forest fire in Fort Valley and 75 NAU Forestry students went to fight it. Quick dinner, a phone call and at 6:30 I was sliding into Bluebird, a day earlier than I had expected. Dusty asked if I was hungry. When I said no, he got a tiny packet out of a shirt pocket and handed it to me. It was a little Kingman turquoise pendant, my birthday present. He knew what I liked. Then we drove, talked and ended up on the Cosnino cutoff where he parked. We talked for over an hour about the rail, the accident and much more. Finally he reached for me. We did not untangle until we separated to get in the back. Surprising what can you do in the back of  a VW? I gave him my whole self,  all I had. Tthat seemed  very important this time especially. Later we talked more, making tentative future plans we began to feel were growing more real, He intended to have Johnny with him most of the summer.  I liked that even if it would limit our visits. He was mostly ignoring the potential fallout from the accident but finally admitted he might be demoted to track or bridge inspector or back to lead carpenter. Firing seemed to be unlikely, the worst case. The familiar rattle of his breathing told me he was concerned though.  He'd been better for awhile after the summer. It was week night curfew so we had to go back, too soon. It had been a special night though different from the one in early February. 

Somehow the next two days passed. I had the letdown but too busy to dwell on it. Then is was Friday again. They are almost never as I expect or plan. That was especially rue the first year.

Photos this time!  Two shots of that evening packing Mary's stuff. I didn't mean to pose but she grabbed my camera and click, click! She was amazed I was really a good packer--even standing on a box to get the flaps down! I managed my own by myself over a couple of evenings and then got it all down to Wilson Hall in a borrowed car before I left for the break.  And last, my little pendant. Dainty and special--I liked Dusty's taste there! There will be a bit more on that gift a bit later. 

Monday Memoir May 5, 1967

 All at once it was the last month of the first NAU year. I found it almost shocking, how quickly those weeks and months had passed. I spent most this week on campus and was grateful for that. There was a lot to do with business to wrap up the semester, looking ahead for the planned summer sessions and a vague shadow of apprehension--what was going to go wrong? That cold little shiver down one's back. I felt it often enough.

May 5, 1967

This weekend (May 6-7) I stayed on campus. The last one I had seen enough of 'home' for awhile! I gave much of the interim week a flash and dash, too. Either I was busy or there was not much exciting or important to discuss.  

So I will slip back to talk a bit more about  the prior weekend, April 29-30.  Charlie Mike and I rode on Saturday and said goodbye to our friend Earl Ragsdale. He was leaving to become the section foreman at Aquila. We'd miss him as he had been a good friend to keep us informed. We wished him well. We got Buzzie's small pen finished so she could have a feed box to herself. I think we had at least three or more of the young mares in one larger pen and she had not held her own well. The family had my birthday dinner on Saturday--no big deal to me. Sunday morning came early as DST began. I managed to catch the midday bus and was back in Flagstaff about 3:30. I caught up on a few odds and ends and noted the next week was going to be busy. With the semester starting to wind down, there were varied projects to finish, quizzes to get ready for finals, and the usual routine of meals, cleaning the room, getting my mail and studying.

May 2 was worth a page, anyway. I said it had been both a good day and a bad one. Biology Lab was just an hour (whew) and Accounting class did not meet since Mr Gardner was ill. I got a letter from Mom--I guess nothing too critical as I did not say--and one from Mama Witt with another $5.00.  Again I was almost ashamed to take it but I knew I would need it. We did not get our History tests back--including the make-up one I had done on Monday--and I could not catch Dr Downum in his office to discuss the summer sessions. After dinner--I said I had spaghetti, which I still liked--I went to check my final exam schedule. It's bitchin', I said,  but  I did want to stay there thru the next Saturday anyway.  I went to the library with Mary and then back up to the Rodeo Club.  A bit later I was reading when I had a phone call about 10:00. It was person to person, long distance. I had no idea who it was but did not expect --yes, it was Dusty. He said he'd been trying to reach me for a couple of weeks and apologized for missing my birthday. He will be up Tuesday or Wednesday this next week. Later I said it was ridiculous but I did feel much better. The long two months had been hard and I'd worried a lot. I knew though that I still loved him and always would. Jim and Ray really did not matter. At that time I had no hint how my devotion would be tested. That was part of the darkness. Was there light? A bit in making it through one year as I had and gaining confidence from that success as I looked ahead. Little else uplifting. 

I really have no photos to illustrate this time. Instead I think I will go to much newer files and pick two skies expressive of  the feelings. I was always a sunset and sunrise person.  In a photo it is often hard to tell which the scene portrays. Here the first is a sunrise in Alamogordo--it is nicely promising but slightly ominous also. The second was a late sunset, also in Alamogordo--the scarlet line looked almost sinister and the darkness very foreboding. Both expressive of my feelings the week of April 29 through May 5, 1967

Monday Memoir 28 April 1967

 

By the end of April, the sense of "something wicked this way comes" began to get stronger.  May was mixed good, okay and rather dark but then a difficult summer emerged, a goulash of ends and beginnings in some ways, mostly ends and although I would continue at NAU, the rest of my life changed markedly by the start of the fall term..

April 28 

I was --unplanned--back in the valley. The Boss had come up late on Thursday and said I *had to* go home for an "emergency". I was not pleased and called Dr McFarlane to postpone a history test I was to take Friday and then got in the truck and rode home in mostly sulky silence. Why did they have to mess up my birthday?  The alleged emergency was a farce. I had to go to Cottonwood and sign a document before a notary, part of the Boss's cockamamie  wonderful new plan to claim the Clarkdale houses by "Adverse Possession." All of half an hour maybe? That was how I spent Friday along with riding some with Charlie Mike later.. I am not sure if he was off school or not; he was not old enough to sign anything at least! 

So back to the previous Saturday, the first day of the NAU Rodeo. I woke up at 7:30 and had a sort-of breakfast and did my ironing. I'd gotten the little iron from Mama Witt the day before and put it to use.  I've been on a hemming spree lately, fixing up my clothes. JoAnn was coming by about 1:00  and I would be ready. I wondered if Dusty would call but not really expecting it with work in a serious mess. Also got a letter from Judy and a quick note from Mom--I was to call the California folks and give them a sad story because the expected 'triumph' had not come through. I felt it ridiculous and was disgusted so did not rush to do it.  I did go up to the arena and came back in a bit, chilled bone-deep/. I had some snacks Mary had supplied, warmed up, watched TV awhile, showered and went to bed early. Sunday was basically more of the same. The rodeo was not too impressive.  

 Monday the 24th went by fairly painlessly, I finally called Aunt Ruth in the evening. She was cheerful and volunteered to send the folks $50 and some boxes of food. I had the blue blahs all day for no particular reason but found I still had a "1" in Accounting and perhaps also in Biology..

By Wednesday it was a bit hectic. I got a $10 birthday gift from Mama Witt. I was almost ashamed to accept it but I did need it. Aunt Ruth was sending me $5.00 for my birthday, also. Spring winds were blowing almost daily but it was getting warmer. I wanted to do a little retail therapy but had to save for May and I wanted to buy a bag of pellets for Buzzie to help her get back to a healthy weight. Fretful, I rearranged the room. Mary liked it even if it was different. Those rooms were awkward and the furniture did not fit well. We had bunk beds in this one but that did not help much.

Then it was Thursday and my 24th birthday. I was not too excited about it;. After that major turning 21 event, the rest were really anti-climax.  I spent the early morning downstairs doing laundry and by 9:00 decided it was going to be a nice weather day. Mary left a card for me at the cashier in the cafeteria and at dinner, Fran brought me a piece of cake and the  table of mostly Morton gals sang "Happy Birthday". I was slightly embarrassed but touched. I got several cards including one from Jim, very sweet and affectionate. Ray had to read it over my shoulder in the cafeteria at noon. Darn snoop. After we were back in the dorm from dinner we had a party in Darlene's room as her birthday was the 28th.   Back in our room, I was buzzed from the lobby about a visitor. The Boss  had come to get me  due to an alleged emergency. I was not happy.

Photos: Were these houses worth trying to grab? In 1967 surely NOT even to have a roof and four walls for shelter!  The 1st is Charlie in about 1962. Next is in 1989 when we visited the area. Last is 2021, my last trip to the Verde. It does not look bad now but after some 60 years amazed  413 lower main still stands. I was shocked at the prices some of these homes now commanded! But in between... It would have fallen around the folks' ears had they actually claimed it as I doubt many repairs would have been made. Water under the bridge! What freaking emergenc?! The trees really grew from 1989 to 2021!

`                                                                                                                    

Monday Memoir April 21,1967.

All this season feels so unreal now. Did I read it somewhere or maybe watch part of a strange series on TV? I can hardly identify with that girl/woman, whoever wrote about those times. She may still exist somewhere inside me but like the long ago child who was innocent and mostly content, she is buried very deep. In some ways the child is closer.

I actually missed two days on the last post. I did write on April 11 and 13. Oh well, nothing too earthshaking, I suppose. I had trouble posting that week's installment so maybe it was trying to tell me something. 

I did not go down the 21st so I'll try to pick up any tidbits for that day and then go back to the previous weekend (April 15-16 ) in Clarkdale and some events there. Friday the 21st, I was excused from Accounting as I had the assignment done but had a tough test in Biology. In the afternoon I went up to the rodeo arena Jo and Bertie There was nothing to do so I came back and then went up again with Esther, Keith and some others.(Note--none of these names ring any bells today!) Came home from that with Joann K. She and I are in the ticket booth tomorrow from 2:00 to 3:00.

So the prior weekend: April 15-16. Yes, I was at Clarkdale those days and there are a few things worth mention. Riding on Saturday, Charlie Mike and I saw Earl Ragsdale, our old track inspector friend. He told us B&B 6 had turned their big  motorcar over.  He said  Shorty had some broken ribs and Mr. Watt was banged up some. Earl said the officials were down Thursday and seemed really torqued about it.. That worried me. I would not be surprised if Dusty got demoted to bridge or track inspector or back to just a carpenter. The officials had been looking for a way to get at him and the accident was such an opportunity.  That gave me a bad feeling.

The latest on the Morgan Madness was too complicated to write even then and I do not recall any details, just more of the same with conflicts and  dirty deeds and trouble--always trouble. Sunday we hauled ties, discards they'd been given permission to pick up. We also started working on a separate pen for Buzzie. I rode her a little and let her graze on a bit of new grass in the shop yard. Poor baby is so thin; I hope we can pick her up. I did some final frantic work on a paper due soon and then hopped on the bus to head to Flagstaff after supper.

So back on Campus Monday morning, I hoped Charlie Mike could deliver the note I had written to Dusty.  I realized his failure to call or come recently was mostly due to issues and problems on the job which were now revealed as being serious, very serious. I complained I was still tired and sore from the work I had done and realized I was slowly getting out of shape.

The next few days went by in normal fashion. I was not tapped for Spurs but was more relieved than disappointed; I had gone to their tea and fashion show and not been greatly impressed. I attended an address by Stuart Udall about ongoing wilderness and other BLM/Forest plans which fit in with some history themes and papers I was working on. . Tuesday coming back from the library, Mary and I wandered through a number of the dorms. I wanted to see what Wilson was like since I'd be there for the summer. It is nice and I thought I'd like it..  Raymond is kind of neat but I do not like Cowden at all.  I went to the Rodeo Club Wednesday for the first time in several weeks and decided to get involved in the weekend's annual rodeo activity. Thursday morning I sorted and washed some clothes and cleaned the room.Then I trotted off to class, determined not to be late since Dr Smallwood took a very dim view of that! I was never real confident in that one anyway. "No word from home," I complained. "I get disgusted with the folks but I know they are busy..." And then it was a weekend again, the NAU Collegiate Rodeo. 

Pictures?  I know I had some from one NAU rodeo or another but darned if I can find them. Cuss. Dorms?  Okay--one of Wilson--it was a large, long building, three stories. At that time it was the far south end of campus. Not now! My room was on the third floor. Wilson, relatively new then, was much more modern than North Quad. Next, a view from that room--ahead of this story--and then the rodeo arena, this shot from a summer 1967 Native Powwow but the same location.

Monday Memoir, April 14, 1967

 April 14, 1967 

Another rather jumbled week when I did not write very much. There were a few notes for Friday the 14th added the next Monday morning so I will cover them first and then go back through the week from April 11-13.  Maybe I was slightly clairvoyant and had a dim vision how things were not going to go well on several fronts for awhile. Actually most of 1967 from April on was a disrupted, confused and traumatic period. Somehow I survived but it was not always easy. By the time 1968 arrived, many things had been resolved, at least in a final if not totally satisfactory manner. Like my sudden change in early September of 1966, life abruptly hit a fork or two and I had  no option but to take the path fate or the Powers-That-Be sent me to follow. 

14 April, 1967

The Boss was here when I got out of history. at 2:00. We went. Stopped by Mrs.Edwards' on athe way to Clarkdale and I met the notorious Lisa (for what it's worth.) And we went on home. The extra gang was there but Charlie Mike said they are leaving Saturday. Got ready for a busy weekend.  I was supposedly updated on the latest developments but did it make any difference? Not really. It gets more scrambled and convoluted every day-week-month. Holy cow! I think I am better off not knowing!!

S'plains: I really have no memory of who Mrs Edwards was nor Lisa. And nothing in my notes sheds a bit of light. They were probably somehow involved in the ongoing family turmoil, legal problems and more. I would say definitely not significant now!

So  much for that, so zip back to the prior weekend, April 8 and 9. It was apparently not very inspiring as I stayed in Flag and fretted. I mentioned working on that big term paper, washing and ironing, unpacking all my pretty cotton dresses to wear since spring was bound to arrive shortly. I was wishing I had brought my phonograph back. I wanted to play Duane Eddy and Waylon Jennings,  being in the mood for some good ole country "drink and cry" kind of  music.  And loud. Saturday I went uptown to the movie alone and saw "The Dark at The Top of the Stairs." It was odd and somewhat haunting.  

Then that morphed into Monday, April 10.  "Blue Monday" I said."I feel sicker than two dogs today. It is 28 days  so I am late once again." My ordinary cycle was 21-24,  but at  the time I did not know worsening endometriosis and  irregular cycles were results of my bout with the mumps in October 1964. Sterility was involved too.  I never used birth control and it never became a problem. I fretted over not hearing from Dusty but did not know then of the problems he was having at work. Since his health issues the previous summer, some of the higher-ups were working to get him fired before he could reach the point of a medical retirement. They were sly and underhanded about it. Unfortunately,  they soon had their chance.

I was actually looking forward to another weekend down in the valley, especially if I could get in a lot of riding. I had spent a total of about fifteen hours writing and fitting in the footnotes etc.on my big term paper.  I think this was the one I did on Gifford Pinchot and the Conservation Movement but not sure. I made most of my term papers into major projects and usually my profs appreciated and recognized my efforts. Lots of A's or 1's were awarded. But then,  writing was always my thing and research was almost 'fun.'

I thought of trying to "be different" like more outgoing and even flirty until my birthday for a trial but realized I could not easily change my nature. Somehow faking it would not work.  Then I said "Oh, I give up. I don't have a plan, a dream. That's why I feel so lost.  You have to have something to work for. I am just drifting in a sea of self-pity and self-hatred which is slow poison, it eats away at me. I don't trust anybody enough o talk to or with." In retrospect, I see borderline clinical depression and find its roots in the difficult past four years and some from earlier, very much a PTSD situatioin..  Bit by bit, I overcame it with occasional back-slide. It took a number of years. Maybe I never wholly did as it still pops up at times..

Not sure about pictures. I may find something that fits --or not. Well this is not my photo but very evocative and one I found and kept some time ago.  I did not have this image in 1967 of course but it would have spoken to or for me. I've called it (her?) The Goddess of Depression. I may have paid homage to Her much too long. Call up a wind to blow those clouds and rain away. I will instead honor Brigid or Epona! My senior picture did not look so dark but that was before the four hard years.

Monday Memoir April 7, 1967

 For once there is an entry for the right day!

April 7, 1967

A week gone by just like that. I don't know where the time goes. It wasn't a good week nor a bad one. No word from Dusty or Jim--damn both of them. Yesterday was pretty nice. I hoped Dusty would put a perfect end to the day but no such luck,. We got an 'excellent' cleaning rating on our room just for turning over the rugs and scrubbing the basin a bit. Mary and I nearly laughed ourselves sick over it! I got $5.00 from Mama Witt so bought some more "Nice and Easy"(haircoloring I was using), some stamps and candy/cookies.  I've got my weekend all planned out --writing on my paper in the library--thrill, thrill. Got last week's History test back with another 84. That just kills me. I don't feel too good; haven't all week. Maybe I've got Mono or something. Guess it's the 'summer syndrome'. I've had all sorts of weird dreams and feel a strong desire to pull out of life in general. It would be so easy.... It's that time of month, also, which complicates matters . I need a vacation but definitely not at 'home'. I don't know what's wrong with me but if nothing is, I'll really start worrying!

So back to the weekend, April 1-2 Now it is Saturday, I wrote. I'm going to the library in a bit to work on my paper. Then I may loaf the rest of the day. Mary is going to be gone this evening and tonight to visit her sister and brother-in-law who are on their way from Albuquerque  to California. It is windy and chilly this morning but mostly clear so far. I hope it doesn't snow more. My watch stopped yesterday. I was so mad. I'm writing them a nasty letter--not too nasty but insistent. I ran smack dab into Ray yesterday at lunch. I think he did it on purpose, the big oaf. 

I'd hiked out to Outfit Alley on Sunday  and nothing was there. Got back about 1:45, ate some junk for lunch and then napped until 5:00. Mary brought me a sandwich for dinner and then went to the library. I stayed, hoping for a phone call --didn't happen--and worked on my accounting assignments and notes from my research books until 10:45 when I fell into bed. 

Then it was Monday again, a mild and overcast day I am just tired and stale, I guess. Damn the whole mess. Haven't heard from Jim or Dusty and know Ray is not what I need or want. Guess I'd better just start all over. I have really been getting deep purple lately, especially at that time of moth,.. PMS? Whatever. I said maybe I should wear red today but I don't think it would help. Nuts, gruts and butts. Here, I can't waste two hours when I've got to get to work. Papers, more accounting, get more of my class notes in order, etc. I don't really worry now but grades are still a necessity and keeping that 1.5 average if possible.Yes, I had a very different life now; was it all it was cracked up to be? Except the old one still had a toe if not a whole foot iin a bear trap.  At times that was a help but mostly a hinderance. Grut the whole mess.

Pictures just 'cause:  A snowy day from the 3rd floor of Liberal arts; an NAU building I cannot name today and last a view out in the east railyard looking across toward "outfit alley" where some of those distant  cars may have been part of one or excess not used right then. 

Monday Memoir, March 31, 1967

 March 31, 1967

Was a Friday again and I was already definitely not going down to the valley.. In fact I wanted to postpone that as much as possible until the semester was over, almost two months later.  That did not quite work out but the visits were not too many for awhile.

I am not sure why but I really got into a down phase for most of April. There were too many worries about an unknown future and I guess the new had worn off of this amazing life I had fallen into the past September. It was truly different than the old one though I still had at least half a foot in it as well but really not all sunshine and roses by any means.  Since I really did not write on that day, I will go back and pick up the rest of the 'vacation' on March 25-28 and then returning to NAU on the 28th, taken from the next entry on the 29th, however.

March 29, 1967 

Well. here I am back again and it is a gray, glum Wednesday morning. I got in about 9:40 last night, totally exhausted. I have to go and pick up the last half of my vacation, not much, really. We got the rest of the furniture on Sunday after cleaning corrals all morning. That was swingin' (not) Then I tried to call Jim-twice to be exact--but no one was home. Everyone seemed to enjoy the Easter goodies I had brought. Monday Charlie Mike and I went skate boarding up at the Jr High.  I was dying to drift over to B&B 6 but refrained. I got all my sewing projects done except the green dress. Tuesday the Boss was supposed to go to Phoenix but didn't. Charlie Mike stayed home from school and we just loused around all day. Went 'boarding after the chores were done and I saw the crew come in--ten guys plus the white hard-hatted  foreman. He walked over, got into 193680, and looked out the back door. I don't think he was really watching me or even saw me but then again, I don't know. I still resisted going over and after dinner at 8:00 I was on the bus coming back. 

A few explains. The furniture was stuff we got from a neighbor who moved that had been friendly and Charlie Mike and Dad some had helped her. I know they got a stove and a water heater and not sure what else. I think the old Middle School building still stood but there was a big cement pad, maybe a game court, that was a good place to 'skateboard'. Charlie Mike had been given or found a couple and we played with them. I was klutzy of course, never good on wheels! B&B 6 was back in town since early January but we stayed away for all to be safe. 

Then it was Wednesday morning and I had a busy day ahead of me. I hoped Dusty would call or come up before Monday. I'll be deeply disappointed if he doesn't but I've got so much to do it isn't funny. Well it is better to be busy than idle, especially if the weather is bad. It actually snowed again on Wednesday--about six inches--but most had melted before the next weekend. Had an English test on Thursday--easy--and a History test on Friday. Friday afternoon  Mary and I went uptown having no classes with finals mostly done. We went up to The Plaza shopping mall and Bayless Store on the hill and saw the Budweiser Clydesdales. Wow!!. Eight 18 hand and 2000 pound horses, reddish bay with white stockings and I would guess at least size 8-10 shoes. Tina wore a 3 mostly and she did not have small feet! They were so neat to see, a special treat. So ended another week.

A few neat pix this time! First two of the Clydes. Their heads were at least two feet long! But they are so pretty. And so neat and dapper--of course they are cared for every well. Shiny, clean, no green hocks LOL,  and very calm and well socialized.  Then that notorious shot of me outside the North Quad's main door as I represented Clarkdale Santa Fe Fan Club to an ATSF official. What a joke but this was almost serious too! I never knew of any repercussions from the "publicity", but who knows?  Of course B&B 6 was not mentioned!