Memoir Monday, Oct 27, 1967

 Step by step. Progress of a sort. Hard won and no triumph. The toll of going back every weekend was weighing on me, financially and emotionally. Finally I began to play a foolish game, even perhaps a risky one, since I had little choice but to go and do what I could. And during this week I managed to write, letting some pressure off for the most part. 

Monday, Sept 23

Back again. I could kick Paul Babbitt in the shins. The horses were too thin, had little value. Damned old grump, but it was mainly Buck Snoddy's fault. with snarky remarks(A local cop who probably led the old  stock dealer to the place,) I have just slammed a door on 'home' and horses for awhile. There is no way I can do more. I'm not going down again--maybe never.

 Just took the DAPR test. It was a doozy. I  hope I got a two. I'm really scared about my grades this time. LIke I mean it's so bad it hurts. I don't maybe hate the Boss as a person but I cannot help hating what he has become and done. The cruelty of it is appalling. I could cry for Charlie Mike. I don't see why he doesn't light a fuse in his rush to get out, to California. And yet, I do in way . Don't I hate to bestir myself to change? The worst routine is familiar, thus safe...

Nick looks like Jim M from the rear and like himself otherwise. Nick, stocky and solid and muy macho.Short cropped light brown hair and smoky colored eyes and an easy voice never at a loss for words. I had never seen him before Saturday morning. Old Louis may be my honorary Grandpa but I have a new favorite bus driver. He stuck his head in and called "Give me a call, Tommy." I was the first passenger in line, not on purpose...yet. He took and  punched my ticket. "That's a real pretty jacket you've got there." I sat in the front on the right side. Does he ever hustle that old rig down the road. Fast, but he handles it AOK. He talked over his shoulder to me about the jacket, about Elvis being in Sedona and then we were in Cottonwood. He handed me down and I almost forgot about it until Sunday night. I should know better. Doubtless he is married and has 20 kids in Casa Grande or somewhere. But I had to think of something besides seven horses with their ribs and hipbones showing and my father  in the county jail. So I thought about Nick Dawson.About 30-35? What I once thought someone was about a lifetime ago. 

The eveningbus pulled in a little late and there was only one passenger. Nick handed her down and saw me. "Where are you going this time?" "Back to Flag," I said. He punched the ticket and I climbed up,"Want to sit up front?' He indicated the seat right behind his that held his suitcase, uniform jacket and cap. "I don't want to put you to any trouble," but he moved them and made room.Josie Almira, a more recent Mingus grad, was going up too. She is a quiet little mouse and couldn't respond to Nick's teasing. I picked that skill up when I was sixteen! There is another problem I haven't resolved, It has been a long time since May 15 and even July 11. I seem to recall Dusty said something about six months? . What have you done to me by disappearing? Shall I hunt him down if it takes all winter or let him go in peace? I don't know yet. 

That first bit was written in a fit of temper and pain. No, I was not going to slam any doors and I was still determined to get those horses into good homes and I did just that. I also went back down a few more weekends before everyone was gone. Eldest daughters do what they have to do--even when it is hard, taxing and costly in many ways,. Today I am not sorry and feel I was right.  

Nick? Just a passing fancy of sorts. He disappeared in a few weeks. The jacket was quilted with a nylon shell and warmer lining,,  tan wth dark brown stitching in a semi fleur-de-lis design. I also got a pair of Wellington style boots, a type I had always loved since having a pair as a small kid, and practical for all but deep snow. A lot of bus drvers wore them too!

Oct 26, Thurs

Damn,, I am not getting anywhere fast tonight. I came down here (libray) at 6:00 and it is 7:30 and all I have done is read some books. I've got the fidgets. Tomorrow night I will see Charlie Mike off to California even as I was once seen off 100,000 years ago. Only two? I doubt he will come on Nick's bus as it would be too tight on the time.  Got to take a test in marketing tomorrow. Can't say I am too enthused about it or really too concerned. I'll study some before I go back to my room. I started to say "home" but I really don't have a home now. I've said that for awhile but is more true than ever now. Damn, I muss Dusty.. Still want him. I am crazy for that but it's true. Maybe in time someone else could take his place but I still wear a "Private, no tresspassing"  sign that most guys shy off from. With Dusty it was not just physical, as we were as much or more friends as lovers. We always had so much to talk about. It is going to be a long and cold winter. Jim M has ditched me--no surprise given the politics.  I've got to study. My grades will be really bad; I've got to DO something. 

Oct 27, Friday

I'm real rocky this morning and not where it's at. Two No-Doze and cofffee=caffeine shock, I guess. Plus an allergy pill. I'm real woozie. I am pretty confident that I did okay on the marketing exam. There were about eight of the fifty multiple choice that I was doubtful of but I am a fairly good guesser. I am beginning to like Dapr too. Computers are more interesting than the more routine machines. Just two more classes to stagger through and then lunch and up to the bus depot to meet Charlie Mike. If it were not for the Rodeo Club barbeque I'd go as far as Barstow with him just for fun but I really cannot afford to. Maybe I'll go see Judy over Thanksgiving. Have to check the cost and see if it is okay with her. Have to check on the Tucson trip first. I have not heard back from Mary about that yet. I am high and sleepy at the same time; that is a hell of a state to be in. Glad I have my accounting assignment done. Mainly I just have to read govt for the weekend. and then sew. But I must not miss Charlie Mike's bus. It won't be here before 2:30, I don't think, so I've got some leeway. 

Photos?  Two obvious choices from this very day. First me and then Charlie Mike at the Depot, then ATSF, of course, on September 27, 1967.  Just over two months later, I was to board the San Francisco Chief,  once again in the snow, as I headed to Sacramento again. I think the jacket I am holding is the one mentioned. Shirt I had made and jeans were Goodwill. Charlie Mike was getting tall and his jeans were a little highwater. He had a number book in his hand (steno pad like I used so much)-a major interest for many years. He got a lot that afternoon as we walked in the yard. The train was not coming until about 9:00.

Monday Memoir, Oct 20, 1967

Still having problems unraveling the mess in the Verde Valley. There were days I felt like it would never end. I still had basically a long month to go before I could finally close the door on most of it.This week I was able to write on the 18th and the 20th, 

18 Oct, Wednesday

I went down 'home' Saturday. Mom and Alex met me at the bus depot (Lillian's  ice cream shop, main street Cottonwood).We talked things over as we walked up to Clemenceau. It is quite a bad scene. I'd say suspended sentence or probation would be the best we could possibly hope for and more likely some 'hard time' or confinement in 24th and Van Buren since Uncle spoke to Dr Joe  Hudson at the Fort Whipple VA Hospital and an insanity plea was considered.  Sunday Charlie Mike and I rode down to get the three young mares. Chief and Buzzie were pretty high having had no riding or exercise for awhile.  I am not sure now if  we brought them back to join the others at the rental house or put them somewhere else. That afternoon Uncle Dan showed up, full of orders and ideas. He went up to try to get Roxie's deposit for the house up in the canyon below Jerome and I guess cussed Mr Gray up one side and down the the other. Bet that man never heard of a family like the Morgan bunch before!  Anyway I got a free ride back to Flagstaff and a steak dinner at Senor Bob's. It was the second time I had eaten there and a total of four nice dinners bought for me in a year by three 'handsome" (?) fellows. (Jim McM, Dusty and Uncle) two steaks, one Chinese and one pork chops Oh, and the one at Sedona too.Maybe Mr Nuanez or ??? I'm getting so cosmopolitan!

Back to classes, I got 37/42 on my psych test, and 80/100 on Accounting. That is not so bad for a start under the circumstances. Last night I studied Government for four hours so I hope to do adequately on that one today.  I located a swing machine at Harper's Used Furniture. I just may buy it. I got some fabric at Goodwill and three skirts for $1.00, one which perfectly matches my green sweater set. Charlie Mike said he'd heard from Harry (the Clarkdale section foreman) that Dusty was going to get back on as a foreman. That was welcome news to me; then maye I will see him sometime! I wrote a letter to Paul Babbitt (from whom we'd bought the Quarter horses) yesterday. Now I sit on pins and needles, also wondering whether or not Al Nuanez will be able to work out a deal, when and how the hearing comes out, etc. It is enough to drive a person really batshit.  Got the color film in my camera and took pix of the Peaks, Maybe I will get one of the front entrance of Campbell this morning

Oct 20, Friday

Hmm, hardly worth coming to class for Marketing the morning but maybe one gets a few brownie points. I have this creepy feeling I blew the bottom out of the Govt test Wendsday although I studied all Tueday evening at the library. I had gotten too far behind on the reading which was bad,  Charkie Mike called last night. The Boss apparently has to stand trial and has a bunch of wild schemes dreamed up which he thinks will get him out. That is really whacky. I guess I'll run down again. They still have not heard from Nuanez so I hope that deal has not gotten screwed up. I do not know if my letter even got to Paul Babbitt. The horses are a BIG problem. I wish I wasn't so attached to them. I am getting the sewing machine for $25. That's too much to pay but I think I will be glad to have it. Will probably go fetch it this afternoon, I hope it isn't too heacvy to carry back but I will stagger along some way. I have to come back on the early bus Sunday if possible so I can study for the Data Processing test Monday. I rather dread that one. And I still have that screwy project to finish. It's only 1/4 done. I'll have to haunt the place until I finish it using the machines. It's not a homework thing! 

I've now worn all three of the new skirts from Goodwill. I'm wearing the lavender plaid today. It is so pretty. I got a call from Mama Witt last night. She was so worried and I could not bring myself to tell her all the bad news so I just said I thought there would be some changes soon. What else could I say? I think Mom may well go back there. I'll have to see what happens at home and catch up on the news. 

Little to explain. Pretty much  clear as staed. 

Pictures, such as they are. First, Uncle Dan with Mom and the boys at the Clemenceau house. Charlie Mike was getting tall. He was  sixteen or close to it. He looked very sullen here. He and Uncle did not get along too well. This next was earlier, spring 1966, but I held Puani and Cyn Mas who were three during the  meltdown time. The area where the family camped was about 50 yards to the right of this spot. The corrals were behind the photographer here.  Last semi-aerial view of corrals at another time--thus the snow. The bare central area with plain snow was about where I stood in the prior one and the camp was off to the left from there. I have never again set foot there since September 14 when we left, but have looked down from the highway. Have a photo or two, hardly relevent.

   

  

Memoir Monday, Oct 13, 1967

There seemed to be no end of trouble, and not good trouble either. However, perhaps the end result was positive because it did write a finale to the immediate fiasco and foolishness of the Morgan Meltdown situation.  Before it was over I would be totally alone in Arizona for a good year and never really part of the family again, a visitor or sometimes assisting briefly but never a real , resident.  I have to call that a blessing, although the first months were very difficult in some ways. It was hard to learn to stand on my own and be self-sufficient despite the fact I had always been 'alone', but as the Eldest Daughter in an enmeshed family, taking an active part on so much.

Oct 13, Friday

For a Friday the 13th it wasn't bad. Actually not my big superstition. Got the monthly miseries late--like 36 days! Probably due to being upset so much. I'm on the HD front desk from 9:00 to 11:00. In the morning I'm going down on the bus. If I had not gotten the $50 from Uncle Dan, I'd really resent spending the bus fare. The old man is in jail again, according to Mom and Charlie Mike's calls Wednesday and Thursday. The specific details are not clear to me at present. Another assault probably. At least I have $300 to take them, and if they don't get out of there with it, I think I'll quit going down. I am so fed up on the whole lousy situation that I could scream and roll on the floor.

I deposited $30 of Uncle's $50 which puts my VNB (Valley National Bank) account back up too $60. I bought a Montovani record, a piece of fabric for a dress and a roll of color film since the leaves are turning so prettily around here. I'll try to use the b&w in the camera this weekend and then get color shots on Monday. Coming down from town, I was startled when a blue VW passed me with two girls in it. The license looked like JSW-800. Was it the Bluebird? Maybe Peggy now has that car since I got the impression Dusty had an old pickup at the mine. But what if? I could just cry because I'll be gone all weekend. We have to move the three young mares Sunday I think so I will have to come back on the late bus, not midday. After that  I wanted to call at least Winslow but what would I learn? I even thought about borrowing Colleen's car to--what? But what could I do? Nothing, really nothing.

I chickened out on a study date with Vern Erb who sits next to me in Accounting. I told him my father was sick and I had to haunt the phone--that is just a little bit of a white lie. Vern is 'friendly' to all the girls but especially to me and I am not all that impressed. Gee, I feel pretty rough. It is going to be a long sit the way my middle feels. I guess I would be poor comany tonight anyway. I feel about knee-high to a bowlegged centipede . Oh well, no point in feeling sorry for myself. The homecoming weekend was nice and Sunday was just beautiful. There is another home game tomorrorw but I will not be here. Too bad.

To clarify: By the time I got back Sunday, I knew more of the situation. The Boss had taken several shots at a car that drove by early in the morning, to him too close and too often. It was just a guy delivering newspapers! Nobody was hit but there were bullet holes in the car door and of course the guy freaked out and went to the cops. That was such a foolish, deranged thing to do!! I was sure even before this event that my male parent was literally out of his tree. It put a perspective on the whole goofy, grim and ghoulish mess. I am not sure where the $300 came from and I never said. I hardly had that much if I gathered every cent from my small stash and the two bank accounts I had (Why two? I'd had the VNB one since 1965 and then opened another in Arizona Bank the prior year for just my school stuff. I think.) I almost feel I remember Uncle Dan sent it--a check to mom or one I was to cash and take to her at the same time he sent another just to me. I honestly do not know.There are so many things I did not write and so much I just walled off in a dingy mental closet. and slammed the door tight. I doubt hypnosis would get that all out and back even now! Not that I'd want to. It was erased on purpose. 

Pictures. What the heck for?  Okay, a view of the house wit the old F750 truck in the back yard.. The next had to be later in the year or the next spring as it did not snow in Oct/Nov but this was in that area. Finally two horses--probably two of the young mares in the yard there. I think it is Twinkles on the right and Cyn Mas to her left.by the markings. I believe we brought them back from the pasture to there for awhile but Puani may have been sold or traded to settle the grazing cost.. She ended up with Louis Dunn, at any rate He never got her papers though she was registerd QH. 

Memoir Monday, October 6, 1967

This week finally saw some changes, actually the previous weekend of September 30-October 1. It seems I did go back down after all. And at least a few things did get accomplished.  I did not note if they came up for me or I decided to take the bus down. Changed plans were not too rare at this point. Anyway, from my entry on October 5, here is the low down. 

October 5, Thursday

 As I wrote on Monday: "Saludos amigo. Another dreary Flagstaff Monday." I rode the bus up from Sedona last night after going to see Al Nuanez and leaving Junior, poor little battered burro, there. He got dragged about fifty yards and wore some nasty sores, poor baby. Most donkeys I would not mind so much but I felt so sorry for him because he has always been sweet. Puani, Cyn Mas and Twinkles are on a pasture and the other four are on the lot in Clemanceau at what is the family's new, probably temporary, home. It is so weird to know Dusty lived arond there and worked on those little shacks about twenty years ago, probably his first stop in Arizona after leaving the navy and moving west.  He might have lived in that very one and most certainly did something on it at some time. Of course it is not permanaent, but it is a damn sight better than a tent or a barn.

But that is behind me until next weekend at least. I hope longer as I have literally heaps and scads of things to do.  So back to today. It is Thursday right now. I have a bunch of new clothes and have taken up lots of hems etc. Classes have rolled along. I got a letter from Mary, a box and a letter from Mama Witt and a new record in the mail so far. I mailed off the affidavit on Tuesday morning so it should have gotten to them okay. This evening I struggled with accounting for awhile and then wrote a couple of letters on the typewriter. I turned my Appaloosa/Nez Perce paper in for Adv Comp on Tuesday. Everybody is all excited about homecoming events. I'm not terribly enthused biut I hope i can stay here this weekend anyway. There is always a chance that Dusty will be in town or passing through for one thing. I wonder how the hearing came out today, I probably won't hear until I go down unless they come up for me tomorrow and I'll have a small fit if they do.

I got a new gold kilt skirt to wear with  my navy sweater and socks to the game, I'm afraid my boots won't fit over the heavy socks though. So I don't know what shoes I'll wear. Maybe I'll just wear nylons. It is almost 11:30. I didn't take much of a nap having gone to Colleen's Stanley Party this afternoon and been busy the rest of the day. So I'll be about half dead in the morning again. Maybe I'll really sleep late on Saturday and Sunday. Have to see the parade at 10:30 and the game at 2:00 on Saturday and get some RR car numbers for Charlie Mike with a walk in the rail yard on Sunday. Except for that, I'm free as a bird. Okay, more homework to do...but I won't worry about that now. So long then. Off to the showers with me.

Explains needed? Some. I did go down and had a part in the folks moving to the little house they rented in Clemenceau. How they swung or found that I do not know or recall. The animals got moved and how or why the one little burro went to the Verde Valley School, I draw a blank, even how he got dragged. Trying to lead him or move him behind the truck? Or load him or ???  Was I the one who dealt with Mr Nuanez? Again no memory. I dimly recall having dinner in Sedona while waiting for the bus but with whom I have no idea. So much is still a vague, fogged jumble at this point.  For the moment, the horses were covered and that was a relief. I do not recall where the three young mares went but a pasture around Cottonwood somewhere.  Chief may have been staked to a hitching post at times but  Leo ran loose in the yard by the small house. Buzzie and Lyno were there also. Of course The Boss was totally obcessed with his wild "legal stuff" so I guess Charlie Mike and Mom feed the four anyway and saw they had water. There was room for them to walk around enough that exercise was not a big issue. And I did get a typewriter. It was a small portable I found at a pawn shop or second hand store in Flagstaff  and got for a very moderate cost. It served me well for a long time. I invested in easy-erase bond--a ream?-- and used a bit of wite-out at times as I was not a great typist but did get better over time. Summer roommate Colleen was now engaged or even just married to her on-and-off boyfriend and had the Stanley Party to help  get her household set up. She may have been libing in the little stone cottages of married housing?  Most of my new clothes came from Goodwill. I got a lot of nice things there for a year or two and some were ready to wear while others needed to be remade. I was not a fashionista but I did love clothes!

Pictures? Here are a few from that site, anyway. I did get some B&W and color there. First I am holding Buzz and  Lyno in the dirt street in front of the place. Next shows Leo, Chief and Ringo, the little dog, in the yard and then Mom holding Chief with the land lord's house in the background. Theirs was to the other side, smaller and more delapidated. 

Monday Memoir, September 29, 1967

 For several weeks I still rather felt like I was doing the old Roman Riding with a foot in two vastly different lives or worlds. It was stressful and tiring. I also still seethed at the stupidity and non-necessity of it all. It was just so wrong, so foolish, so really pointless!! I worried about the horses and my brothers. I figured whatever the parents suffered, it was their own damn fault and totally deserved. I can now feel more sympathy for Mom than I did then but still see she allowed it to happen when she could have gotten up and left several times previously which would have changed everything. But she would or could not. As for my male parent, it is almost a case of forgiveness is in the dictionary! Even after all these years, about 58,  my wrath is mostly for the animals and Charlie Mike and Alex because although I did not go scott free, it damaged me personally much less than the boys.

I managed to write only once during this week but dumped a lot of thoughts and some events in that sole entry in my neglected journal. Oddly I had basically left the daily diary practice and moved to a simple journal where more thoughts and impressions were recorded than a recitation of events. It was a gradual evolution begun in the 65-66 era..

Sept 27, Wed

I don't find much time even to think, much less write. I have been awfully busy since I got back here. Sixteen semester hours and nineteen are different animals entirely, no mistake about it. And as you get into the upper level 200 and 300 courses, there is a difference too. 

Went down 'home' for the weekend --bad scene. I don't think this place at Bridgeport will work. I wish there was a safe place for the horses for awhile so they could just leave. It rained like hell on Sunday and we drove up Oak Creek over rock slides in the evening. Probably good it was the big truck. Mostly I just try not to think of what is going on down there. I'd blow a tube if I did.

I was just sitting here writing  and waiting to go to Rodeo Club when Colleen came so I had to talk to her and then we went over. Lots of new faces--hope some of them stay and sort of hope I can find an unattached male...maybe. I really have to organize my time better. I'm running around frantically and not getting much done. Of course I have been rather sick for nearly a week now which doesn't help and I do have a pack of troubles on my mind.  I got lots of mail Monday, nothing yesterday and a letter from Judy today. I finally got an answer written and mailed to Mary's letter that came at home. She is staying in Tucson at UofA to be near her parents. I am really going to miss her. She has an awful lot of common sense and understanding. I really counted on her being around. Like I told her, it leaves a hole in my life. 

However it is kind of cool to have a room to myself too. In a year's time I have accumulated a bunch of things and am pretty well set up. Just now I am not sure what more I need besides dry cleaning for some clothes and maybe buying a few smaller things.  I'll give that some though the next few days and maybe go shopping on Friday or Saturday. I'm going to work on the Rodeo Club Homecoming float probably. I might really have some fun and hopefully they'll have refreshments. So it could save my buying a meal.. I still have only a five day meal ticket, not the best idea. It's now 9:30. I've cleaned my room and am now listening to records and bothered by a stomach ache. Must have some kind of flu bug. 

Last weekend was kind of bad news. Of course I wonder what's gone on since, but "I really don't want to know." I bet Roxie is still mad as a wet hen. Trouble and problems! If they have to leave there at least they don't have too much to take, no problem really except the horses. But how it will ever end, I do  not know, I am so sick of it all, anyway. Because I'm convinced that it was NOT necesasry or ineveitable

I'm going to make a schedule . I never do stick with them for long, but I can try, can't I? And maybe someday I will. Phoo. it's no use trying to keep a diary or journal anymore. Have I just outgrown it? At least I have all my old ones here now but there was a box of my old toys, souvenirs and clothes etc.that we forgot in Charlie Mike's and my shed. I wish I could have Buzzie up here. I could keep her at the Powwow Grounds for free, just feed and take care of her. I wonder if I could swing the feed? I think I could, getting pellets at $3.00 per 80 pound bag. Feed her about 5-6 bags a month, no grain because they're complete nutrition. Maybe I'll try to work something out with Joann. It's an idea anyway.  I think several rodeo club members have horses out there. 

Again photos are not really available but I'll put something in just to break up the dullness of nothing but text.  First the powwow grounds as seen the next summer,. Not visible were some barns or stable buildings near by.  Then Lyno and Buzzie near that time. They were not real plump but not too bad. They were never denied feed at least but the quality wasn't always the best.

Monday Memoir, September 22, 1967

Back at NAU, I fwlt like I had been zapped from one world to another. The change and the shock was so abrupt and complete. I had plenty to worry about still too, with much concern for my brothers and the horses for which I knew something must be done soon. I was frustrated not to have two of myself. I was also exhausted and staggered by the combined effects of stress and hopping life to life.  I could hardly think, much less write. But I did some on Septermber 17 and 19 which follow. 

September 17, Sunday

Looking back it all seems incredible. That was the wildest, weirdest 'vacation' I ever had, actually the weirdest three weeks I ever spent. Yesterday I was both crazy busy and in a state of mental and emotional exhaustion so I could not think, much less write, I ran all over town to get my loyalty oath notorized, shop etc. But I am here and registered. My schedule is not quite to  my liking but I  was lucky to get all my classes at the last minute that way. I can't believe they've upped me to $800 a semester but maybe...what about summer school? I wish I knew because then I'd know how much to spend. But I wil put $200 in Arizona Bank in savings where I will only touch it in dire mergiencies. Then I really may get a typewriter and/or a sewing machine. Think I wil like having a single room. It is quite pretty with light green walls to set off my pink rugs, pink and green dresser scarves, comforter with pink and green spring flowers and new print curtains. Isn't privacy worth $25 more and a little loneliness?  I wonder where Mary is. I haven't seen her yet. I do hope she is here. I'm also anxious to see Joann Kendall and a bunch of my other "good buddies." I have already written to Jim and the folks (at the Cottonwood  PO box) and plan to write several more letters to mail in the morning. Also have to do some ironing this evening but I plan to go uptown again soon and look at some clothes. I am a little restless today and feel expensivve (ha ha)

I am not sure what that loyalty oath thing was about. Something for the folks in their ongoing legal efforts to try to get redress and compensation for all they had suffered?  I do not think it had anything to do with the college. I was not getting a NDSL loan at this point but that should hardly require an oath! It stays a blank spot, one of many that will crop up. Maybe traumatic brain injury and amnesia?!?

September 19 Tuesday

Well here I am watching the front desk in the Honor Dorm. A task we all had to share. There was a Head Resident but no assistants. so duty rotated. I had bolted my supper to get back by 6:30. No sign of Mary. Can't understand. And no sign of Forester Ray either although his sister and most of his old gang was there. So far everyone in HD is friendly but I still get rather lonesome. I almost wish I had a roommate but this is really best for now. It's been frantic as hell every day. I guess the slowest day was Sunday. I got a bunch of letters off yesterday and also got my new campus mailbox. They are busy sorting and havenn't got mine yet. Nothing still? Ha, be patient! Now I have been to all my classes except the one I am changing. They said I had no business taking  Gen Biz 100 so I am changing to Data Processing, I'll complete the switch tomorrow. This semester I am taking Intermediate Accounting, Advanced Composition, Intro to Psychology, American Government, Basic Marketing Management and Intro to Data Processing. It was a pretty serious course load. I now have all my checks but still have to pay my $156 registratiion fee. And I really do need to get a typewriter. I'd love to get a sewing machine but... They have an old wreck of a typewriter at Goodwill but I think I can do better. I may post some signs and check in stores uptown. However my finances are somewhat limited as I'll have about $164 after the reg fee but I plan to bank part of that for future and my insurance and record bill will take $35.  My project tomorrow will be the typewriter search. 

I have been so exhausted. I woke at 7:45 this morning and had to be in Adv Comp (English) by 8:00 so skipped breakfast of course. I did snatch a couple of hours of nap today and cut down on the running around. Maybe I can be a little more energetic now.  I have a lot of studying to do. I really should hike down to the library because if I stay in the rtoom I will mope more than study.  I need to wash some clothes and do some other things but maybe that should wait. No news from "home" of course.  I reckon they aee doing "ok".  Of course teh backlash of the strain is what has hit me the last couple of days.  One does run down after awhile. But my strength will build back soon I think. I need to get my teeth worked on. They ached and kept me awake last night. It ws pretty miserable so I slept very poorly. I wonder if the Rodeo Club meets tomorrow. Maybe they will have some posters up. I should try to find Colleen and  see if she'd like to go and I also want to see Joann. I still can't understand what has become of Mary. If only Dusty hasn't pulled the pin on me. I wrote him--maybe shouldn't have but I did. I don't think anyone will read it becasue it looks like a bill or something from J. D.Martin, Four Star Services. (tee hee). I am too clever for my own good sometimes and I will surely come to a no good end!

Pictures are scarce and hard to find. I did have one of my room but it was lost in the crash of my hard drive in 2018 along with a bunch of others  I had recently scanned and then pitched, DTBL. So here are two not very good with old color film in my little Kodak that faded badly. Approps as "through a glass darkly" was how I was still seeing things. It took a couiple of months to get back near semi-normal. View from my room, I think it was #151, and the front of Campbell Hall. 

Memoir Monday, September 15, 1967

 It really feels like something I read or saw on a screen somewhere. Was it a real experience, a hallucination, a nightmare or just a 'bad trip' for me, although  I never tried recreational drugs until I was frankly old. Who knows?

Again from my post-event notes, about September 17, 1967

Did we really ‘camp’ there in the canyon for two weeks or was there some interim place? I draw a blank. I have a few photos but they give no time frame. I do recollect almost constant harassment. We were “trespassing,” the health department was worried about sanitation; the boys were required to start school, at least Alex, and Charlie Mike was not eager or willing to quit yet. The horses were scrutinized daily for proper care and signs of neglect or abuse. I dimly recall arguing fiercely they were indeed cared for with feed, water and exercise daily and did not need to be impounded for their welfare. There was a lot of harrassment and many official and private citizens came by with comments, threats and some demands. A few offered help, a very few. We could not stay there indefinitely!

Aunt Roxie came during the interim, loudly and profanely furious. She negotiated for a house up in Mescal Canyon below Jerome, but it had no place for the horses so Dad would not consider it. Everything was still unsettled when she had to go back and start her school term. Arguments raged. Finally on September 14 we began trooping down to Bridgeport, first moving the animals, by my count seven equines and one small burro. The family would then “move” into a barn at a place where Charley Bryant was or had stayed. I guess there was some space for the horses on the small farm. But we had two studs and five mares, all bunched together. Luckily no mares were in season. 

The next day Roxie drove me back to Flagstaff since the final deadline for registration was getting very close. I was so grateful for her help because I had begun to worry how I would get there. I did not even have bus fare. If I did not register on time, my aid would disappear and a year would be wasted. I was also very thankful most of my things were safely stored in Flagstaff and took a few more personal items back with me. Later I remembered a box in the shed Charlie Mike and I had used for private storage. It was left behind but was just old souvenirs, clothes and some old writing. I missed a few things, but no great loss. Of course the drama was far from over although I was removed from the center of it again and only had to put one foot back down there two out of the seven days each week at the most.

On September 16 and 17 I ran around frantically to organize the second year of my higher education. I moved into Campbell Hall and had my stored things delivered; I got my next group of classes approved—thank you, Dr Downum—and registered, collecting my checks without any problem. I was amazed my stipend had been raised to $800 a semester. 

Photo: Campbell Hall, the south side of North Quad,  which became my new home starting on September 15 when Aunt Roxie delivered me there. Really the whole 67-68  school year it was the only home I had because the Morgan family--my immediate family--was soon scattered east and west. Only I was still in Arizona--I and the horses I was involved in finding homes for.  That tale will emerge in the next few weeks.

Monday memoir Sept 8, 1967

 A blank week, really. What happened? From all I can find and have memories slightly wakened, we stayed there camping in the canyon foir almost two weeks and existed under those far from ideal circumstances. Charlie Mike and I cared for the horses and he and Alex did start school. We tried to keep semi-sanitary and washed in water hauled in and maybe sometimes heated on the propane camp stove. We cooked on it was well and I think used up most of the frozen or refrigerated food, maybe getting some ice to maintain the ice chests which had used cooling packs obtained during some of Dad's advertising projects in past years, mostly before the equine epic.  Little Ringo got table scraps which had already been his diet for as long as he was with us. We may have hitched rides with a few friends as I think the big F750 was not moved although it was of course capable to drive.

I cannot remember who friends might have been beyond Charley Bryant and a few more folks we knew who were not part of the now-very-focused and concentrarted group that clearly want to abolish the Morgan Problem forever and ever. Collateral damage be damned. But there were some who helped us haul water, sympathized and were looking for a place we could land with scant funds to pay for a lease or rent and where the animals could be safe also.  

At some point, probably this first week, Aunt Roxie arrived from California--she was the only one of dad's sibs able to come as Grace and Ruth had just lost their home when it was destroyed by fire and Uncle Dan was traveling around semi-incognito after some major conflicts with Wendell Robie and others and the start of a very untidy divorce situation.  I always respected Aunt Roxie although she could be very abrasive, didactic and just generally tough. She could cuss like a sailer crossed with a muleskinner and had very strong ideas about most things. She was unabashed about proclaiming them, too. I undestood her and although I was still very quiet, almost mousy then, I had that same kind of iron core and had just begun to learn how to express and use it. She and I were genuinely kin, both blood and spirit.  However she was unable to budge her brother an inch and got madder as time went on. Talk about immoveable objects. She called him everything but a gentleman more than once and he took it but did not move an iota. 

It seems we stayed there well into the second week of September. About when Roxie was needing to go back to California to start her school year, we finally got a place to go--basically free and temporary but 'something'.  I am not sure now if Charley and Elvie still lived there but they once had, on a small farm down near Bridgeport. The family was able to 'live' in the large barn and there was a pasture of several acres where the horses could stay. It was not a huge step up from camping out but they had a roof over their heads, I think an outhouse, water sources and the insulation of a fenced property where the officials were not able to harrass them as much. Charlie Mike and I moved the horses down there about the 14th, riding and leading them. I think the burro was leadable also. One trip or two? I do not recall at all.

Again most of this is a restructure of very scattered and broken memories and a few notes later so the chronology and actual events are by no means concrete. I was and am thankful for the small ways in which we were able to exist and take a tiny step forward and up but it felt close to hopeless then though I was still only part of it for awhile. The rest of the fall saw the finale. 

These are the only pertinent photos I have, both at an earlier time but this was the place. The barn would have been behind the photographer here. In one, I see one of the Jeep pickups so that would have been several years prior. I do recall the horse, a palomino Charley was breaking and training for someone.  The peaked roof behind the Jeep might have been the barn--or not. Or maybe structures in the background in the other one. I doubt I could even find the place now if it still exists--too many years. Probably where Mingus Ave crosses the river on the bridge, maybe just below that? No matter. 

Memoir Monday,, Sept 1, 1967

And so it began. I have no record and almost no recollection of August 26-31, 1967. They obviously happened, and I imagine Charlie Mike and I watered the horses at the river and maybe started collecting things we wanted to be sure we kept.  I suspect I was moving along pretty much on auto-pilot, the lights barely on and I was surely not 'home' or all there. The following came from my after-the-fact notes.

Sept 1, 1967 Friday

On September 1, a platoon of law enforcement people arrived early in the afternoon with a big Mayflower van and several stout stevedore types. Dad had gone to Phoenix in Big Green for what purpose I no longer remember, so Mom, the boys and I stood by and watched them take everything out of both houses. We gathered camp gear, firearms and cameras, some horse gear, a bunch of supposedly valuable papers key to ongoing legal efforts, and several ice chests full of food. We stacked them across the alley. I was ordered to keep an inventory on the loading and did so as best I could.

Since some personal property is exempt from seizure for debt or bankruptcy, there was some effort to separate the categories. ”Ours” would be stored in Prescott until we could reclaim it and the rest sold with proceeds going against the unpaid rent. In reality, the storage items were not reclaimed for twenty two years.That was done in the fall of 1989, another odd part of this almost endless tale. Dad had passed away close to a year before my husband and I finally helped Mom and Alex collect this property.

A Note, aside: Long before then, after I was married, I had tried to get permission to take and store it in our home to save the monthly cost but Dad threatened to sue us and threw huge fits. Why? I have no idea!! Loss of control, I suppose. By this time, Jim and I were deemed untrustworthy and actually featured on the “enemies list” most of the time. Mom had faithfully paid the bill all those years although I had taken care of it a number of times since there were some things I hoped to reclaim eventually,

We probably had some warning, even an eviction notice before the actual event. We may have already packed some things to keep with us. Again I do not recall. At any rate, the family of five and one small dog were now actually homeless. Charlie Mike still had Ringo. When Dad got back in the evening, we loaded all we had kept into the truck and drove it down to the canyon near the corrals. There we set up camp. Tarps over the high rack on the truck made a shelter and we also put up the old 8x10 wall tent. Maybe another one too? We had already hauled down what hay we had and stacked it, brought other key horse stuff along, etc.  As I say, it is all a hazy nightmare. But that was how it began..

A few other facts. The white Ford pickup had been repossesseed after they quit paying on it since it was still not clear of the lien. That left the big old F750 their only transportation. I was really furious that Dad left when we knew the actual eviction was going to happen. I am sure he had some allegedly valid and critical business to handle.  In retrospect, it may have been wise or best  as he could have gotten into a physical or even armed fight with the officers. But to me it felt so typical of his shrugging off the hard and dirty parts and letting the family face them. I have a very dim memory of standing out in the sun near the loading ramp of the moving van and trying to annotate a list I was keeping of items as they were loaded. It was hot but not terrible that day.  To even begin to think of what was to be kept for us makes my head ache. We had some furniture and perosonal things--toys and books that belonged to us kids--and much of that we did get back with the final reclaiming, in 1989. Much of my stuff I had gradually taken up to Flagstaff even though I knew I had too much to manage well,  so other than one or two boxes stuck in the shed Charlie Mike and I had claimed and forgot about in the rush, I lost very little. In a way that is almost miraculous. I am so thankful I had that level of foresight.

A couple of photos--stark and now feeling unreal. Alex, looking lost and unsure and a general view of our "camp" The corrals were in the area above the table there.

Memoir Monday, August 25, 1967

 I do not recall and did not note whether the folks came up on August 25 or 26 and got me or I took the bus down.  Suffice that I went and was present and 'on duty' for the duration. I found what it was like to be actually homeless and how grim and ugly life can be when there are few to no friends and many--maybe well deserved but still almost implacable--enemies standing against you.  Even when compared to many bad times in the revious couple of years, September and October 1967 were among the hardest times I ever experienced. Nobody died, not even the animals that were still a big concern of mine anyway. And I did make it back to Flagstaff in the nick of time to register and go on with my schooling. I thank my Divinity--The Source as I  now term them--and my guardian angel for that. It was a close thing.

The one entry, made that Friday evening:

Aug 25, 1967

I'm pretty thoroughly po'ed about everything. I was really dumb not to take off for California while it was easy. But if things don't turn up PDQ I will still do it. I haven't heard from JJM; I think he is a little unreliable but perhaps he had to return to Tucson. I may call him in a day or two just to investigate. Of course I could take off without his help but I'd kind of like to have somebody see me off.  I'm really proud of myself for not coming absolutely unscrewed. I've kept my temper beautifully, really. But actually it does not reach me. I'm outside of it all and just not afraid. Most of my stuff is absolutely safe, my scholarship is all in order for fall etc. If "they" (** note) tried to get that screwed up, I could really turn the tables so I am not too worried about it now. All I have to do is keep my cool for three weeks--or maybe less. 

**The 'They" above may have referred to either  my parents and those 'enemies', even very possibly both. I almost recall that dad basically threatened without him to support me and fight, those "enemies" could revoke my scholarship or bring some kind of charges that would prevent me from going to college at all. That was total bullshit and I knew it but still the old emotional blackmail and abuse had impact. 

Of course when I wrote that passage, I knew precisely what I was upset about and why, not that I would not recall the gory details some 58 years later. I am sure the folks had either written or called and laid a very heavy trip on me like I had better come down right away and that my future was at risk and all could be snatched away without warning by those evil enemies that were hounding them to the brink of disaster. I was urgently going to need their help. (Ha ha--what help could they provide??) I expect they did have an eviction notice now and not sure what other threats or actions they faced. It was definitely ugly,  nasty, very bad. I was still mad they had let matters get to that point while they kept thinking. pretendng  or trusting they could wave some magic wand and win. That was total insanity but who could tell them anything at that point, especially Dad? He was bonafide off his rocker. So I believe I did take the bus down Saturday morning or even that evening.  That's all she wrote, you might say. There were no more written words until September 17 when I was back at NAU, breathng a huge sigh of relief that I had gotten there. The dreaded drama was not over but I was partly free of it again. and only had to ago back weekends to try to fix things where it was necessary. I was still imprisoned by that damned Eldest Daughter geas.  (That is an ancient word for a spell or magical control but fits perfectly.) So much seemed to be resting on me and I had to make things happen when no one else would or could.. It was duty, it was somehow demanded and necessary. 

This final crash and burn had been building, perking and developing for so very long. I had seen it coming although not understood how and when it would hit.  I had actually known since probably even before I graduated from high school. It was all so incredible, impossible and the whole enterprise a drug-type bad trip dream. All those loans and 'ranch hunts' and endless whines to the relatives for just one more "help" that would make The Big Difference. Yes, I am still bitter. Charlie Mike and I both are. I never got quite into discussing it much with Alex before his death but he harbored a mass of anger, sorrow, and perhaps a little guilt although this went down when he was just eight years old. I am sure it marked him for life. How could parents, especially a father, actually do this to his family, his children? Someday on the other side I will sit him down and tell him in detail exactly what damage he did and ask him WHY. He owes me--all of us--that. He has been gone for well over 30 years now. Long enough I hope to see and regret and vow never to repeat those mistakes again.  If we truly are here to learn and grow---well, please, may that be so.

Picture: I just searched and found a royalty free image that fits. I did not look like that but I certainly felt that way! I wanted to cuss and kick and throw a toddler level tantrum! But I knew that was useless. I slid mostly into a zombie autopilot mode instead and recall very little detail as a result. 

Memoir Monday, August 18, 1967

August 18, 1967

At this point, the end was coming, like a runaway train full of hazmat down a rough track with a bridge out at the bottom of the steep grade. I had been semi-wired at the end of May, but I guess one could say "You ain't seen/felt nothin' yet.."  The first time was almost all about Dusty but this next time it was very much up close and personal and I was in the middle of it.  

Aug 16, 1967 Wed

I hate to hurry this way. Forgot to set my alarm so I got up at 6:40 or later and just ran beacsue I wanted some breakfast for sure. Made it to Math class. Right after that I left Danny Downing's four shirts in the lobby and  went to get some boxes at Foodtown. I said I'd buy them if I had to because I really need a couple more. Then I called to see how much more it would be if the warehouse sent a triuck down for my stuff rather than me bringing it up.  Kinda steep. I was tempted to cut Econ but didn't think I'd better. Both classes were getting hairy now. Colleen has sure made a mess of her packing so far. But then I am the "methodical Taurus" who goes about things "the efficient way." A few more boxes and I will have it 'whupped.' And I have a dinner date at 6:00 this evening. As if I didn't have enough to do!  Yes,  Jim finally resurfaced. 

When I woke up I was dreaming that I had just seen Moonspinner disappear around a corner and I was frantically searching and it suddenly got dark. There were trucks running everywhere and I was lost, carrying my suitcase. And I 'd left my ironing board up Leroux somewhere, where I had been ironing when I saw the old Plymie. That sounds crazy and felt so! (Leroux was a Flagstaff street, up town.) So now I'm afraid he'll call or come through this evening while I am gone but that's the chance I have to take. I don't think I'll hear from him for awhile, really. Maybe October, maybe never... But at least he called me in mid July and he had not been pushed or prompted in any way. That man can be unpredictable--but I love him anyway, maybe even partly because of it.

Aug 17, 1967 Thurs

Well, I  made it to class even if I was still awake at 1:40 am. Two no-doze pills and a cup of coffee ought to keep me awake through the first one anyway. So I went out with Jim M last night. He came about 6:10. We went out to dinner at the Afton House where I consumed $3.95 in Chinese chow. At least we didn't sit at the same table Dusty and I had but the same little Chinese man hovered around to see we were satisfied. It almost got on my nerves but the food was delish. Then we went to the "auto movie" and listened to tapes until the show started. We saw "The Secret of My Success" and "The Russians Are coming." The latter was good, both comic and serious, in a way. It was 1:00 when we left. At the dorm, he walked me to the door and then departed without even a goodnight kiss. I really can't figure that bit. He's taken me out enough now to feel he deserves a bit more than just the pleasure of my sweet company, no? So I search for a reason--shyness? He "respects me and awaits for me to make the first move"? I'm not atractive? He is afraid of 1) me 2) himself 3) getting hooked 4)public opinion or ???? I am getting to feel fairly much at ease with him, not like Dusty yet,  but I have to  admit that would likely follow an incrased degree of physical intimacy. In some ways they are quite a bit alike. If Dusty was 30 and really single, he'd probably be more like Jim, especially with an equivalent education and not just an HKU PHD!  If only he was. I guess he didn't call, perhaps tonight? It is almost the last chance but I don'texpect it at this late stage of the game.  Except for the birthday card, I am going to leave the worthy chap alone and let him take his own time about it. There is no use getting frantic.  I've got to get my stuff  'shipped out' today. Guess I'll put up a sign or two asking for help.

Aug 18, 1967 Fri

Well, my stuff is at the warehouse signed, sealed and delivered. I hauled it upthere in a Mustang, lent me by a friend of Carolyn's The math test wasn't bad, really. I may have gotten 100%, certainly not below 90% unless I am badly mistaken. I'm really unprepared on Econ--hope I do not flub up too badly. I don't feel very well and hauling that junk downstairs didn't help much. But I am just so thankful it is done. Uncle Dan called last night--don't know what will come of that but I'll let Charlie Mike go instead of me if it comes to that. It will take awhile for the excedrins to take hold. Why didn't Dusty call? 

Not to explain but a closing comment. For a long time I was too embarrassed to even mention this event but I know now none of it was my fault. The mixture of my parents' foolishness with some people who were probably justifiably angry and vengeful, resulted in situations and events which are not shameful. They are re-enacted in different ways frequently today. In today's environment they've become too common to be shocking. I did learn to feel some empathy for unplanned hardships and an ability to understand things I see, hear and read about now from real experience.  That was a key part of learning and growth which  I expect my energy-self needed.  I actually ended up going to Clarkdale, on August 26th if memory serves but I did not write it. This last week I wrote a few times, then once more on the 22nd. Then for three weeks, not one single word.  I'll have to reconstruct that from memory and notes I wrote after I was back in Flagstaff in  mid-September. Three weeks almost out of time, out of life, out of --just OUT. 

Pictures? My internal turmoil is hard to portray. Worry and dread were hard, cold knots in my middle, not quite a pain but almost. Like I swallowed a half dozen ice cubes or drained a big bottle of very cold water too fast. How do I symbolize that?  Seeing a storm and not knowing where it will go or when it will hit--that is the feeling! I found this long ago to symbolize a scene in a story I was writing but it fits.

Memoir Monday, August 11, 1967

And yet more of the same, a bright spot or two I guess. Again I was only in Flagstaff. Apparently I did not go down to the valley again after all. I cannot remember what Mom had said in a letter but it was not good. Had they gotten the eviction notice by then? Anyway I wrote about two days. 

August 7, 1967 Monday

Monday, Monday. It wasn't bad as weekends go--but they had the  QH show and the Rodeonand I didn't go to eitehr. The rodeo cost $2.00 a day and I wasn't up to walking out to Tuthill--the usual grounds for such. So all I saw of the 'festivites' was the parade on Saturday which wasn't really much. I did $2.50 of ironing and spent most of Sunday railbirding and got quite a bunch of numbers and even saw an outfit car--the kitchen/dining of Unit 96 it said. I felt kind of lonesome and sorry for myself but didn't break down. Last nigth I did my hair with New Dawn. It sure left my mop greasy and stringy. I'll probably have to wash it several times before it wil look decdent again. I have it in frumpy tails this morning. It's a damp and foggy morning, the sort that gives me the glooms, as a rule. But since i have quite alot to do today maybe I'll  make it until the sun shines again.

Somewhat later:  Got a b'day card for Dusty over the weekend and while ago I got it all redy to send  except for typing the address on the envelope.  This will be from Campbell Associates in Albuquerque. I am probably getting too smart for my own good but hopefully it will reach him with getting undue notice wherever it may go. No mail so far today but perhaps it wasn't up yet? I'll chcek again later when I exchange my sheets. At last look Colleen was still asleep. I rather like her but she is so untidy!  I'd never think of coming in from a date, no matter how late, and dump my clothes in a heap on the floor. But so long as she keeps the mess on her side of the room I can't complain. Maybe I'll give her a complex? Yes, I am almost too fussy I guess.  Rewashed my hair and it is not so bad now. I will never use that coloring again though but maybe one more wash will do the job. I may try a real dark brown or deep auburn rinse that will wash out next I think.  I would like to be a redhead but not a carrot-top. Or possibly a real brunette. I remember one succinct remark Dusty made about some 'beauty treatment':  "And look like a jackass like a lot of other girls ..." He really does not like a lot of fancy or fake.stuff. So I guess that is good since I am not going there much. 

August 11, 1967 Friday

Have the Friday sickness again. I almost didn't go to Math but was glad I did because we had a quiz and I think I did faiiy well on it. I'm now at the library nad have been studying Econ. I ithink I have the essay question down pat. It is all written out and I have almost memorized it. I'm going to get the mail before I go to class. That way I won't be wondering, at least. I'll know the best, the worst or no-news-is-good-news. If I don't leave I have a date tonight with a buddy if Colleen's Dave. Might be better than sitting and stewng, Gives me a diversion. We are doublinjg, probably to the movie. I hope he isn't the "Romen hands and Russian fingers" type because I don't feel like fighting but would rather fight than switch (lovers). Then I might have to get up at 7:30 too catch the bus home. Gee what a life! I had all sorts of bad dreams last night so I sort of dread to go down. But I will. I may not go 'home' for the vacation though. Living without water for a month etc. Why the hell don't they get out of there? I just get in a boiling fit everytime I think of it so I'd better change the subject Like get back to my Econ. 

No photos so just grabbed a few off the NAU site and share for how it was in the summer. I did love summers up there. First a view up one main street toward town, Next anotherview with the Peaks clear and bright and finally Old Main as it is these days. My dorm for the two years was just out of view to the right here. The old campus was really pretty and had a traditional feel. The new south and west part feels alien to me. Much more modern and probably 'better' to the feelings of most. Again you can't go 'home'

 

Memoir Monday, August 4, 1967

Continuing with another week in Flagstaff. I guess it was a blessing that I knew little about events down in the valley even if I did worry. Had I known I would definitely have arranged NOT to go down for those three weeks. Yikes. No, that is not true. In the end it was very critical that I be there I am sure. At least for the sake of those seven horses and  maybe more

.July 31, 1967  Monday

Glad the weekend is over. It was literally a drag. I went window shopping on Saturday and spent most of the rest of the day reading a book by Kathleen Winsor, much juicer than Forever Amber. The letter from Mom on Saturday was not exactly conducive to peace of mind. I kept debating what, if anything, I should do and came up with no answer. Then I got this longing for Dusty which even a ten mile hike could not have cured.  The color analysis bit really bugs me. I am afraid the turquoise fits too well and it is rather disturbing because I really don't want to be that type of person. An aside-Tte only way that going to Dusty was a mistake is that now I want to be with him all the time and it drives me wild. I am almost driven to the street but the idea of any and everybody gives me the shudders and except for an occasional fantasy, I really don't want anyone else. And even with him, I freeze up when I don't even mean to. That's the narcissism probably or emotionally hot and physically frigid, What a mess!! (Note--it was mostly just companionship and contact,  not sex that I was needing.)

August 1, 1967 Tuesday

It is chilly today. I wore my blue peasant outfit to math and practically froze. so changed to my turquoise riders and striped seersucker shirt, During the break I worked on Pony of Fantasia. I started on it last night and rough finished it while ago. I think I'll send it to Linda and see if I can get her to do some illustrations. I might ever try it myself but doubt that I'd be satisfied with whatever I'd create. But I may try anyway. Watercolor wash with India Ink sketching would be best. Rough it in with pencil and then put the wash on and finally do the ink. I can see what I want but doing it is something else. Next I am going to start on Pony and the Dark Horse. I already have begun chapter 1. I think it could be almost as good as Cindy and possibly even more commercial. 

August 4, 1967 Friday

Another Friday. I doubt anyone will be up to get me byaut one never knows. Yesterday I turned back the rest of my ironing jobsand also got the monthly $5.00 from Mama Witt so I went on a small shopping spree. I bought another multi-skirt hanger, a door closet extender, some paper, a teasing comb, some pop tarts, and the August Western Horseman.  Then I did some more sorting and packing. Two weeks from today I've got to be moving out. I'll call two storage warehouses for comparison next week to find out how much it wil cost me. Maybe I'll go through my winter clothes another time today and I may buy another trunk at Sprouse Reitz.  They have some for $7.44 now. I should've waited a little. Maybe I'll get a metal suitcase instead, like Dusty's. I will go look at luggage Saturday morning. Colleen and I will probably go to the rodeo Saturday afternoon.  We didn't go to bed until 2:00 last night and I really thought I'd die trying to get up at 6:30. It took some wiil power!  I got 11/11 on my last math quiz. We're going into stats now so I shouldn't have a bit of trouble. I believe I might make a 1. That would give me only one 2 on my lower division Gen Ed and also only one on my major courses too. Hope so!!  This morning I've got to go to the library and study Econ. We have a 35 question test coming. 

Pictures? Like what??   Oh, about those two books I was working on! Two if my illustration efforts--it was a kiddie fantasy about a pitiful pony that inspired a frail princess to improve and live to help it. These were not what I hoped for but... And a clipping that inspired Pony and The Dark Horse which got lost in the following months and years and never has been completed. Probably OBE too long now.

    

Memoir Monday, July 28, 1967

For most of the last part of July and well into August, I did not go back down to the Verde. In most ways that was good.  I wrote almost daily, although a lot of it was drivel and hardly entertaining!  Anyway I covered most of this week from July 24 through the 28th. I will condense some of the rambles but try to cover anything of interest or significance. 

Monday, July 24 

Good morning. So far it looks like a pretty day in Flag. I came up on the bus last night. I don't do such a prosaic thing as commute between country and town or home and school . I move from life to life, from world to world. The bus is my time machine that takes me on that strange journey. When I got in,  Colleen was out . I took my time about getting cleaned up and finally turned in about 12:00. I did wash my hair but brushed it dry instead of rolling it. 

It's dinner time now and it rained this afternoon. I hope to tell you, it really rained. And we had an electric outage too.  I got my free record--Catrina Valente-- and my black riders which really fit.  They are already hemmed up and are super  sharp. They are more practical than purple and go with a lot of things to make neat outfits.  I guess tomorrow I'll have to go to town, rain or shine. No new ironing jobs. I hope I get some more. However I guess I can do without any extra work tonight. 

A note: with the water shut off, bathing in Clarkdale was hardly possible. I could stand it for two days or nights and did but it felt good to wash the dirt and sweat off! I was so fiercely disgusted with the folks for just squatting there as they were. It made no sense to me at all and I knew it was not going to end well. I dimly recall Charlie Mike had an altercation with Dad and got punched in the face, allegedly for 'sassing'. I could feel his rage and hate but he did not do anything right then. Still I knew it was not going to get better. It was amazing he stayed with them as long as he actually did. 

July 25, Tuesday

I found a book in the library on colors and personalities relative to certain colors. I had too many favorites so my analysis was confusing. I loved turquoise but that tended to be a fave of  narcissistic and really not the nicest people. Oh my! My other faves lilac, lavender and other purple shades were better . Well I also liked some pink and bits of red, clear light yellow and for neutrals black and white, maybe beige and dark navy blue, but not gray. Silly really but I got wrapped up in that for awhile. I was analyzing everyone!

July 26, Wednesday

I had a busy day planned and got an early start, doing a number of small tasks before going to Math and between it and Econ. I was already planning ahead on sorting and consolidating my stuff. I had way too much and I was thinking about storing it for the three weeks between the end of summer sessions and the start of the fall term. I  had already chosen the Mayflower warehouse as the best possibility. It was not far off campus, up near the railroad depots. I was still undecided about what I'd do for those three weeks. That would not be fun in Clarkdale for sure. (Little did I know! But no spoilers yet.) I kind of wanted to go to California and Uncle Dan had mentioned it. 

In a peeve, I said something not very nice! "If anything gripes me it is these moony couples to whom parting for an hour or two for class is a major tragedy. They cling to each other, gazing with mournful eyes and wait until the very last minute to part."  I had not seen Jim since April and Dusty since May! How these kids exist, I can't see. Either they'll get to where they couldn't stand each other or the partial intimacy would be impossible to bear.

I went shopping and bought two pairs of sandals and looked at the new offerings of jackets since cold weather would come sooner than one might wish. I picked a favorite but held off on the purchase. I also got a pink sleeveless shell that would go with my in-progress suit (it was light canvas weight fabric, white with roses printed on it.) It would also work with the new black bell bottom riders.  

July 27, Thursday

I chided myself for the silly habit of writing a little in my now loose-leaf journal notebook and then more on a page in my math folder. It had become a temporary habit. I was still uncertain about going down for the three weeks but at that point had heard almost nothing from the folks and was clueless. It was stressing me out and I was worried about what was going on, hearing nothing. I sensed the ledge they lingered on was crumbling away minute by minute which was close to the truth. ,

July 28, Friday

Damn, it is cold as a tomb in this accursed library this morning. After a long hour I am practically frozen. I was hunting for Vance Packard's books but only found one. I had an idea for a paper about him.  There was an econ test at 11:00 which I hoped I could zip through and go. I have head nothing from the Valley so did not know whether to expect they'd be up for me or not.  There was something about going to look at a place in Garland Prairie which I opined would be knee deep in mud after several heavy rains. (Probably another last chance bit of ranch hunt, and pointless as always.) I considered trying to talk Colleen into going somewhere on the weekend if I was staying, sharing gas and driving with her. I'm not sure where, now.  She was on and off with her boyfriend. I just realized she was not a summer student but a full time regular one also taking classes to speed it along as I was.  I also learned that Campbell would be the Honor Dorm and considered that good news since I was basically planning to be housed there in the fall and I did much prefer the north/east side of campus as being closer to town and just more my style.  Maybe I'll hear from Jim today, but I don't expect it. He is probably still in Tucson. I should get busy and do my Santa Fe report for econ and start the one on Vance Packard, called "The Latter Day Socrates" which I thought quite clever. It will be some kind of extra credit effort, I expect. I had to get out of the cold so started off to check the mail and then to the 11:00 class.  It was easier first session when they were back to back instead of at 7:30 and 11:00! And I did not go down to the valley after all. 

Photos?  Geez. I took none at that time and what applies? I'll just throw something in for eye candy I guess.  Hmm, how about that one? Just out of my collection of hero inspiration pix much later than 1967! Even a more a mature guy--which I always liked anyway!  Then Zhan in an old picture, before he was a big star on Dark Winds; this one inspired my hero in Rez Dogs and Scooter Trash, one of my JBS novellas.