Already past the middle of September. The monsoon was long over--they marked it by humidity and dew point in those days and not the calendar. However a brief rainy spell or two in the month was not uncommon. Dad had gone ahead with a trip, probably more ranch hunting, in spite of the weather, leaving Friday I think. Of course he drove the pickup leaving the big flatbed at home. So this day began pretty wet.
Sept 18, 1965 Sat
Got up reluctantly and had a cup of coffee before chores and breakfast. Had coffee cake for breakfast and left about 9:00 to walk out. It was cool, wet and real muddy. Mom would not try to drive the big truck and I was not sure I could. I was suffused with a happy glow of last evening’s memories. We got there and drained the puddles etc. It was messy but not really terrible. Bravo was better--the lump had vanished somehow. And Tina was okay. We got back about noon and ate lunch before doing home chores. It was starting to clear. I had to ride Buzzie for awhile as she had a small colic. Left her tied to the post and wrote to Dusty. He is so real and with me today. I’ll never be quite alone now, I think. The Boss got home about 4:00 to everyone’s surprise. He is not too enthused--I don’t know what’s next. I rode out and told Prez there was no one there. Yet our boot tracks still showed faintly in the sand. Only the smell of wet leaves hung in the air and I was alone yet he was there somehow. I’ll never be free, never ever now. Evelyn and Albert are now married with much tooting horns etc. Never at my wedding, but I am not marrying into a Mexican family. Oh Dusty! So now to bed a little early and to dream. Tomorrow night you’ll be coming back to me again. Hope it is clear tomorrow and warms up.
I was not letting the weather dampen my mood. Thursday evening Charlie Mike had gone to an FFA meeting and I had gone out with Dusty. This time we did go to the Dairy Queen and then parked out at the end of the River Road. One thing I loved about him was he was always a true gentleman. I am not sure if he realized how naive I was at this time but he said, "If I do anything you don't like or want, stop me." And he meant that absolutely. He was strong from the work he did and could easily lift me right off the ground, but he never left a mark on me and usually the only thing mussed by our encounters was my hair. I trusted him completely and he never damaged that trust. Then Friday afternoon he'd been out to the pasture with me and helped with the chores very well despite the drizzle and a bit of chill. So I was still feeling happy. As for coming back--that was to Clarkdale, not to me per se; still close again though.
Bravo had dislocated a hip or another joint in one hind leg and I had been exercising him for a sort of therapy. It was working. And Tina,who had been so sick in the spring, was doing well but had a mild colic or something about this time. Sickness and injuries were so frequent; they should not have been happening so much, but damn it, it was NOT due to anything I did wrong or failed to do! Any errors I did make were due to ignorance, certainly not knowingly or uncaring. I loved all those animals so much.
My long term Clarkdale friend, Evelyn Graves, got married that day. I had wanted to go but could not work it out. I had known Albert (Morales) for quite awhile too and was happy for them. It is wonderful to know they are still together all these years later. At that point, I expected to be marrying Dusty at some date in a few years. It almost came to pass, but ultimately was not to be.
I guess Dad was not pleased with what he saw of the place he had checked on. So what's new? If they were good, something on the deal always fell through. Cynicism was almost my middle name by this point. I did want a ranch, a good place to live and operate our livestock business properly, where the animals would be safe and conflict and issues would not plague every day but that was not to be either. In the end I had to completely change my life and most plans and then there was no going back. At times that still makes me sad.
Pictures. Okay, first dear old "Moonspinner" at the end of the River Road--which had become a special place; then my photo-shopped picture of Dusty and me together--I should have had Charlie Mike take a picture of us but never did; and last, a photo by my friend Julie Carter. This ranch is somewhere in New Mexico but the minute I saw it I felt it was meant to be my home. It looked almost familiar. Maybe in another lifetime... We never got close anyway.
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