I will keep this one fairly short. Belle had a bad spell of weakness and disorientation Thursday evening to late Friday.She gets very anxious and upset as she knows things are wrong but cannot understand why or what. Finally in a kind of last ditch effort Charlie, my brother, and I got down on the floor with her for at least two hours and just stroked and talked to her. Finally the extra Tramadol kicked in and she went into a peaceful, natural sleep and when she awoke was pretty much back to normal. Her arthritis has been helped by the Adequan but this seems to me a separate issue, probably related to the Prednisone usage and perhaps her lupus. But I cannot afford and do not want to put her through a lot more tests and trial-and-error efforts to help her; I think it is basically past that stage now really.
I got so far as to contact our vet to be assured--they are on call 24/7 or have another stand-in if Dr Wiley is out of town and also handle a cremation contract service where you get the ashes back to keep so that is all pretty much arranged for whenever it may be needed. This is a relief as I had been worried about how to deal with the practical part of this. Yes, I am sad and hurting to know the end is probably not too far away but I believe firmly as did the ancient ones, that each life is just a 'vacation' or stopover on the continuing sequence of our slow climb up the ladder to the state where our spirits are ready to finally merge back into the universal. Life is totally eternal and does not ever go out or cease! We just move to a different plane and leave this shell behind like those we might find on the beach. So while we miss our dear ones, both human and furred, feathered etc. their spirits cling to us in part and live in our memories and they are waiting for us to join them in the next phase. (For a wonderful statement of this and its workings I recommend Dear Dean--Love Mom by Esther Luttrell. This is an amazing uplifting book based on her own experiences in the loss of a son. You can Google the name or title or ask me for a URL; I do not have it handy right now.)
I find that truth very comforting in all the losses I have gone through during my life. I have a herd of well-loved horses and a great pack of dogs waiting for me along with dear human family members and friends. I know that reunion will be so beautiful. For now Belle is still with me. So long as she can enjoy life some and have a bit of mobility, I will let her do so. When it is really time, we will know. Perhaps she will simply slide away while sleeping but if not I will help and release her. She knows she is greatly loved but also free and released to depart when she needs to.
Last night I got some precious pix of her and Rojito together on the living room rugs. He was snuggled up beside her and both sleeping. He is a very sensitive little guy and also has gotten very fond of her. He knows all is not well and does his sweet little best to comfort us both. Thanks and heartfelt praise to the Wise One who sent him our way! I have not uploaded the pictures yet but will share them soon.
Go in peace and harmony, dear friends and readers. We truly are in "good hands" and simply need to recall that even in the darkest of nights, that beam of light is drawing us on. That light is Pure Love which is the One True Thing and the only part of God/Godde or whatever we call the Divinity we place our faith in that we can really know while we are on the earthly plane. It never fails, wavers or ceases to enfold us!! Again I remind myself and all that every sunset is also a sunrise...
Welcome to my World
Welcome to the domain different--to paraphrase from New Mexico's capital city of Santa Fe which bills itself "The City Different." Perhaps this space is not completely unique but my world shapes what I write as well as many other facets of my life. The four Ds figure prominently but there are many other things as well. Here you will learn what makes me tick, what thrills and inspires me, experiences that impact my life and many other antidotes, vignettes and journal notes that set the paradigm for Dierdre O'Dare and her alter ego Gwynn Morgan and the fiction and poetry they write. I sell nothing here--just share with friends and others who may wander in. There will be pictures, poems, observations, rants on occasion and sometimes even jokes. Welcome to our world!